Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

So, what started as a joke is now a reality. I now have the free time to do this, so I’d like to start hosting liveblogs purely for the sake of it. These one-offs won’t have reviews. This is just for us to watch things totally spoiled and yell and flail and post GIFs. And what better thing to do this with than Jurassic Park, one of the greatest movies in the history of the world?

IT’S HERE. JURASSIC PARK LIVEBLOG.

Image by the lovely and talented Melissa/beepbeeprobot.

EDIT: SO. My hosting service went down completely on January 29th, so the liveblog has now been moved a week later. I hope y’all can come!

This is not a review. This is just a chance for us to all hang out for a couple hours and have a good time. It’s like a field trip for Mark Watches! Except we chose to go to the local theater, take it over, and now we’re going to yell at the screen.

This liveblog will start at 11:00am PST on Sunday, FEBRUARY 5TH. Please consult a world clock to determine what time that is for where you live! At exactly that time, we will all start our DVDs, streams, downloads FROM THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSAL LOGO. That means you may need to start the movie before hand and then pause it as soon as it appears on the screen.

The rest is simple. Comment. GIF. Yell. ALL-CAPS. Laugh. Cry. Realize Laura Dern is a better person than you are. Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum. WHATEVER. It’s a party, and you’re all invited.

There will be more of these in the future. You are so not prepared.

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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1,091 Responses to Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

  1. monkeybutter says:

    love this part

    love this movie

  2. giishu says:

    Technically the dinosaurs aren't… born as much as hatched?

  3. OH GOD I FORGOT SAMUEL L. JACKSON WAS IN THIS.

  4. settlingforhistory says:

    Aww, a bloody little T-Rex!

  5. giishu says:

    HAHAHAHA! IMPRINTING!

    Twilight flashbacks.

  6. monkeybutter says:

    this is why I'm so mutinous about lines

  7. Karen says:

    wait, I just heard Samuel L. Jackson say something and it didn't have the word "motherf***er" in it!

  8. Karen says:

    BABY RAPTOR HATCHING. SO CUTE. The squeaks!

  9. @bonez565 says:

    can i just say how much i love practical effects

  10. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    Does John Hammond remind anyone of Hagrid?

  11. kelseyofcake says:

    This scene > videos of human birth, I swear.

  12. monkeybutter says:

    bd wong!

  13. monkeybutter says:

    come on little one!

  14. ScarlettMi says:

    Late but here. We're at the dino birth, right? 😀

  15. knut_knut says:

    i want a baby dino!!

  16. monkeybutter says:

    aww, cute little monster

  17. dazyndara says:

    Foreshadow much Goldblum?

  18. Shiyiya says:

    man these people are terrible scientists, there are all kinds of species that can change sex for the purpose of breeding

  19. ScarlettMi says:

    I love Jeff Goldblum in a variety of diverse and inappropriate ways. 🙂

  20. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    WELL, THERE IT IS.

  21. settlingforhistory says:

    Oh god, that poor cow! The sound alone is painful.

  22. Karen says:

    "Life…finds a way." DRINK.

  23. knut_knut says:

    i love his little spiel

  24. dazyndara says:

    HAHAHAHA his expression

  25. monkeybutter says:

    love ian's life will find a way speech

  26. monkeybutter says:

    I love you BD, but don't fight him. He's is perfect and beautiful

  27. @bonez565 says:

    ugggg that screech is awful

  28. dazyndara says:

    Om nom cow :S

  29. rabbitape says:

    Grant is like, "Y'ALL FUCKERS YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP WITH THIS PLAN FUCKING VELOCIRAPTORS."

  30. monkeybutter says:

    I lvoe the EXTREME CLOSE-UPS on sam neill

  31. I like how Grant is all excited about the T-Rex but HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU about raptors.

  32. Karen says:

    Thank you, Spielberg, for that nice shot of Sam Neill's ass.

  33. knut_knut says:

    poor cow 🙁

  34. monkeybutter says:

    THE COW

  35. rabbitape says:

    Muldoon, the voice of reason.

  36. @bonez565 says:

    i love how we don't see the raptors, this is how you build suspense people.

  37. knut_knut says:

    muldoon!!

  38. Karen says:

    AHAHAA The switch between Sattler and Grant's expressions. Her: Ew. Him: *orgasms*

  39. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    look at those fucking shorts

  40. P.S. That was me who just got eaten.

  41. settlingforhistory says:

    Who is hungry? Yea, I'm glad I'm only eating potato babies right now.

  42. monkeybutter says:

    omg the look on hammond's face watching sam neill…he's hungry for paleontologists

  43. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    THE NORTH REMEMBERS.

  44. monkeybutter says:

    short shorts, leg up, focusing on the important thiiiings

  45. dazyndara says:

    So we have super fast, brutal, and SMART dinosaurs? Good plan guys!

  46. knut_knut says:

    ASDKFLA;S the raptors are so cool

  47. kelseyofcake says:

    Damn replacing those things just to feed the dinosaurs has to be expensive

  48. dazyndara says:

    These animals have the right to enjoy everyone in the world? :p

  49. knut_knut says:

    who the hell can afford to spend $10,000 a day??

  50. @bonez565 says:

    i love the slide projectors, so low tech

  51. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HAHAHA I can't wait until you're eaten.

  52. tzikeh says:

    Crap – I just woke up – how many minutes into the movie is everyone?

  53. monkeybutter says:

    Ugh, why would you want all of those projectors in your eyes?

  54. knut_knut says:

    yes, gennaro, ALL children deserve to be eaten by dinos

  55. monkeybutter says:

    yay, dino-communism!

  56. rabbitape says:

    Remind me to tell y'all about the time I was cramming for finals in college, stayed up 2 nights in a row on a diet of mountain dew and snickers bars, and to get me over the hump on the last night my roommate gave me stackers, and then when I was walking to my room at 5am I thought velociraptors were hunting me.

  57. kelseyofcake says:

    Okay I don't care how foolish Hammond is. He's like a child, he wants to show his dream to everyone regardless of how much money they have.

  58. Karen says:

    "This park was not built to cater only to the super-rich."

    Dude, you're on an island in central america. There are certain financial barriers right there, man.

  59. dazyndara says:

    Goldblum THAT IS HOW ALL SCIENCE WORKS

  60. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    i mean for real Ian Malcolm is the best character ever.

  61. Shiyiya says:

    Mathematician dude you are the only sensible person in this movie it seems, I like you

  62. monkeybutter says:

    everyone stands on the shoulders of geniuses, dude

  63. knut_knut says:

    see, goldblum is the best because he's ridiculously attractive BUT i manage to pay attention to what he's saying! he's a gift from god

  64. monkeybutter says:

    or drunk country musicians…

  65. kelseyofcake says:

    SG;KJDFA[KJLKASAAAA WHY DID I FORGET THE GROSS RAPE ANALOGY

  66. dazyndara says:

    YES Laura Dern, THINK OF THE PLANTS!

  67. Karen says:

    I know theories have changed, but I don't think you can really call a meteorite or something catastrophic as nature "selecting them for extinction", Malcolm.

    • dazyndara says:

      Yes of course they should have been able to evolve without all their normal food sources and cope with toxic dust clouds!

  68. settlingforhistory says:

    Yes, let kids into the scary park. Nothing will go wrong, right?

  69. Karen says:

    "And the only one I've got on my side is the bloodsucking lawyer." LOL.

  70. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA LET'S BRING KIDS TO THE ISLAND. TOTALLY NOT A BAD IDEA.

  71. knut_knut says:

    YES, BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO VISIT THE DINOSAURS. EXCELLENT IDEA

  72. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    PS: I will wet myself in fear during the T-Rex attack sequence.

  73. ScarlettMi says:

    When I was a kid I always wanted a sequel staring Tim & Lexie where they inherit the island and have to go back to do something or whatever.

  74. monkeybutter says:

    I wish my grandfather would buy my love with dinosaurs

  75. OH MY GOD TOUCHSCREEN CD-ROM AMAZING.

  76. @bonez565 says:

    ahhh interactive cd-rom 90's tech how i love you

  77. monkeybutter says:

    CD-ROM!

  78. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HHAHAHAHAAH. That little kid represents every fandom ever

    I READ YOUR BOOK

    I WATCH YOUR SHOW

  79. monkeybutter says:

    get it, Ian

  80. knut_knut says:

    why does tim have an ascot?

  81. rabbitape says:

    Stupid recording from TV. I think I'm slightly off from y'all. Boooooo.

  82. ScarlettMi says:

    I realize that all that I believe about dinosaur evolution I learned from the clear blue piercing eyes of Dr. Alan Grant.

  83. knut_knut says:

    awww, i love the way he says "whichever one you are" <3 it's so sweet

  84. Karen says:

    OMG I wanted one of those Ford Explorers so bad. Like with that paint job and everything.

    AS one of the guys on the Down in Front podcast mentioned, why would you have cars for a ride that's automatically controlled and *keep the steering wheels* in them?

    Oh man, Tim is such an adorable little geek, and Grant's awkwardness is likewise adorable.

  85. tzikeh says:

    oh God how very quickly technology dates nowadays.

  86. monkeybutter says:

    d'aww

  87. monkeybutter says:

    the lawyer deserves it

  88. dazyndara says:

    Hahah Laura Dern is awesome! here, you must ride with the child!

  89. monkeybutter says:

    Ellie <3

  90. kelseyofcake says:

    Kid, have you ever looked at a chicken leg/ostritch foot/skeleton of an emu and compared it to dinosaur bones? YOU WILL SHIT YOUR PANTS THEY TOTALLY LOOK SIMILAR

    I love how he's fanboying over dinosaurs though. Accurate picture of everyone at some stage in their life

    • Zoli says:

      Dinosaurs are fucking awesome. As a child I was obsessed with them. When I gained younger sibilings I was SO DISAPPOINT that they were completely uninterested. How can you not love dinosaurs? THEY ARE LIKE ALL FANTASY MONSTERS EXCEPT THEY WERE REAL.

  91. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS

  92. knut_knut says:

    HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS

  93. Karen says:

    "Hold onto your butts." DRINK.

  94. monkeybutter says:

    Florida has far worse inhabitants than raptors, tbh

  95. monkeybutter says:

    YESSSSSSSS

  96. monkeybutter says:

    THE BEST SENTENCE IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

  97. dazyndara says:

    They are so excited like kids in a candy store!

  98. Karen says:

    Spared no expense count: 2

  99. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    hahahaha we bred dinos that can kill you

  100. dazyndara says:

    Um, spitting poison? Again, I have a feeling this won't end well…

Comments are closed.