Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

So, what started as a joke is now a reality. I now have the free time to do this, so I’d like to start hosting liveblogs purely for the sake of it. These one-offs won’t have reviews. This is just for us to watch things totally spoiled and yell and flail and post GIFs. And what better thing to do this with than JurassicΒ Park,Β one of the greatest movies in the history of the world?

IT’S HERE. JURASSIC PARK LIVEBLOG.

Image by the lovely and talented Melissa/beepbeeprobot.

EDIT: SO. My hosting service went down completely on January 29th, so the liveblog has now been moved a week later. I hope y’all can come!

This is not a review. This is just a chance for us to all hang out for a couple hours and have a good time. It’s like a field trip for Mark Watches! Except we chose to go to the local theater, take it over, and now we’re going to yell at the screen.

This liveblog will start at 11:00am PST on Sunday, FEBRUARY 5TH. Please consult a world clock to determine what time that is for where you live! At exactly that time, we will all start our DVDs, streams, downloads FROM THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSAL LOGO. That means you may need to start the movie before hand and then pause it as soon as it appears on the screen.

The rest is simple. Comment. GIF. Yell. ALL-CAPS. Laugh. Cry. Realize Laura Dern is a better person than you are. Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum. WHATEVER. It’s a party, and you’re all invited.

There will be more of these in the future. You are soΒ not prepared.

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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1,091 Responses to Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

  1. Shiyiya says:

    Woo! Now I just have to grab a copy and… stick it on the media box to watch on the TV, I guess, since my laptop is out of comission.

  2. amyalices says:

    IF ONLY I HAD A COPY.

    …Actually, think I'm doing a play in a day then, anyhow. NEVER MIND I WILL JUMP IN WHENEVER I AM FREE AND PRETEND TO HAVE BEEN THERE THE WHOLE TIME.

  3. sixth_queen says:

    Mark, are you choosing the movies, or can we make suggestions?
    Gur Zngevk Bar, Nyvraf Gjb, naq Cvengrf bs gur Pnevoorna Bar are univerally liked and fun.

  4. L_Storm says:

    ALL OF THE SQUEE! also, sixth_queen has a great list of suggestions if you're taking them (Gur Zngevk Bar, Nyvraf Gjb, naq Cvengrf bs gur Pnevoorna Bar…)

  5. ABBryant says:

    Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum?

    HELL YES!

  6. Kibblie says:

    I endorse this so much.

    πŸ˜€

    Dinosaurs! Jeff Goldblum! Pretty scenery! The always relevant moral question of "We can do this, but should we do this?"

    <3

  7. Quark says:

    I have this movie on VHS. This is the perfect excuse to finally get Jurassic Park on DVD.

  8. Karen says:

    WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS MOVIE? Also, I've only ever seen one Star Wars (A New Hope). LOL @ MY WEIRD CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE GAPS.

    Anyway, is this on Netflix? If not I'll have to try to procure it through… other means since this seems to be as good a time as any to see this movie.

  9. Lindsey says:

    The best movie ever!

    • xpanasonicyouthx says:

      FUCK YES.

      • xpanasonicyouthx says:

        NO SERIOUSLY THIS MOVIE TERRIFIED ME FOR YEARS

        • knut_knut says:

          I was OBSESSED with this movie for YEEEEEEAAAAARS. I would go over to my best friend's house just to watch it, and eventually she gave me her copy.

          And then one day I realized it was terrifying D: IT WAS TRAGIC

          • psycicflower says:

            My little sister used to constantly get nightmares when she was younger and couldn't watch Jurassic Park at all. I'm not sure if she's watched the whole thing through since the first time.

            • knut_knut says:

              You should make your sister watch it again! Provided she still doesn't get nightmares.

              I remember the first it gave me nightmares. I was watching it with all my dinosaur toys. I went to bed with my little plastic Ankylosaurus. And then I realized a raptor could open my bedroom door and kill me in my sleep πŸ™ That was the end of Jurassic Park for a while.

              • I never grew out of my dinosaur obsession as a kid. In fact it has only intensified. (I seriously wonder if I should transfer to a different university because mine doesn't have a paleontology major…)

                This movie was SUCH a big part of my childhood. I remember watching it for the first time and just being completely amazed by how real the dinosaurs were. I never really got that it was supposed to be scary… Which is funny because I was scared of EVERYTHING as a kid. I had to get treatment for anxiety for a while. My mom took me to see The Lost World: Jurassic Park in theaters and my psychiatrist freaked out because he thought that was really irresponsible of her. He thought I would be scared and get nightmares from it, but I was like… WUT? Dinosaurs aren't scary! I still defend my mom's decision to take me to that movie.

                Anyway, long story short, I really really love this movie (despite all of it's many painful innacuracies) and really hope that I can liveblog it with all yalls.

                • knut_knut says:

                  awwww, that's really sweet :') I think Jurassic Park is the beginning of everyone's dinosaur phase, but it then gets replaced by other things πŸ™ I still love going to the American Museum of Natural History to look at the dinos; it always makes me feel like a kid.

                  I hope you'll be able to liveblog too!

                  • Eregyrn says:

                    Hey now, as a little girl, I had a legitimate "reading every dinosaur book in the library" and playing with plastic dinosaurs phase without any prompting from Jurassic Park… mainly because that was in 1973.

                    What I chiefly remember about Jurassic Park was… okay, many things, but first, how jaw-dropping the dinosaur effects were. Really like nothing we'd seen on screen before.

                    And I just fell in love with the velociraptors. (Which I know are deinonychus, but that's okay.) OMG smart dinosaurs! Awesome. IMO, the only possible reason for them to make a JP4 would be so they could do all the feathered dinos according to today's science. (I don't blame JP for not tackling the concept, given the state of science at the time, plus the state of CGI.)

                    I'm really sad I can't be here for the liveblog. πŸ™

  10. dazyndara says:

    I have never ever seen this movie (aside from a couple scenes at a dinosaur night a few months ago where we projected Jurassic Park and The Land Before Time onto a big screen while we transformed normal red hoodies into AWESOME DINOSAUR HOODIES). But the few bits I did see were reassuringly not gory and horrible, so now I feel I might actually be good with watching the whole thing!

    • stumpoman says:

      can i just say that the original land before time movie is the best dinosaur movie to date.

    • Fuchsia says:

      And I've never seen any of the Land Before Time movies. I have the weird pop culture gaps as well. [I tried watching it a few years back with a friend but it was at a time when my ADD was completely uncontrollable and I honestly don't remember a single thing about the movie]

    • Zoli says:

      The movie is not really very gory, so you should be okay. If I'm remembering correctly most of the worst things happen discreetly off-camera.

      Also, what were really impressive animatronics and CGI in the 90's are now very quaint and adorable in their badness, so that lessens the scariness considerably.

  11. blis says:

    if someone needs a copy maybe you can borrow one from this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6NYHBaHttc

    [youtube v6NYHBaHttc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6NYHBaHttc youtube]

  12. Ryan Lohner says:

    Watching this movie in the theater at age 9 is one of my strongest childhood memories. And if you like this one, you should definitely check out Westworld, Michael Crichton's first stab at the "killer amusement park" genre way back in 1973.

  13. robin_comments says:

    I am going to try to make it there for this. I have silly love for this movie. One of my fav books as a teen!

  14. RachelFatale says:

    SIGH. Damn you, Netflix, for not having this movie available to stream! And my local library doesn't have a copy, either. πŸ™

    But I'm really upset with myself for not even owning this. I SAW IT FIVE TIMES IN THE THEATRE.

  15. fun story, I read this book when I was ten years old, a dictionary by my side so I could understand all the big words, but the dictionary didn't have all the scientific terms so I had to go to the library to look them up.

    (oh god this is going to be my when I was your age story isn't it)

    Loved the movie. How John Williams didn't get a double nomination for best score (along with Schindler's List) for this I'll never know.

    THAT SAID I WILL NOT BE HERE :/

    • elyce says:

      "When I was your age, I had to go all the way to the library to look things up!"
      "What's a library?"
      "*facepalm*"

      However, if ACTA and SOPA take effect, we may have to go back to the library and relearn the Dewey Decimal System. The Horror.

      • ngl, I'm going to be that horrible parent that makes her kids do library/book things instead of technology things

        (my mother didn't let me have a calculator until I was in the eighth grade and it made me a much better student)

  16. blossomingpeach says:

    Love this idea.

    This movie came out when I was in 3rd grade and I desperately wanted to see it, but my parents wouldn't let me. I was so upset–my second birthday party had been a dinosaur party, some of my favorite toys were plastic dinosaurs…I WANTED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. My dad finally ended the discussion with, "Honey, these aren't the dinosaurs of A Land Before Time ." (They were right to say no, since I had problems with nightmares and stuff, but still!)

    I won't be able to join this liveblog, but I can't wait to read all the comments!

    Hey…we should do a liveblog for Mark's favorite episodes of X-Files. They're all watch instantly on Netflix, and we all need more Mulder and Scully in our lives. πŸ˜€

  17. rabbitape says:

    Nooooo! All the fun stuff happens when I'm out of town and can't join in. YOU JERKS!

    /whine

    I'm having an extra slice of banana bread for breakfast tomorrow to console myself. And y'all can't have any! So there!

    //ok, now I'm done whining

  18. McKenna says:

    So not only is this my favorite "serious" movie, but it'll be my first liveblog with Mark. Does it matter that I just watched Jurassic Park on Wednesday? Fuck no. Give me all the beautiful dinosaurs eating people.

  19. FuTeffla says:

    Gah, I'd love to join in and just bang on and on about how Muldoon is awesome (you're awesome, Muldoon) but I've just realised I don't actually own a copy. Arse, poo, and pants.

  20. canyonoflight says:

    D: I plan on being in the library on Sunday and it opens at 2, which is when this will start for me. Whatever, I'm still going to use this as an excuse to buy the DVD.

  21. klutzygal12 says:

    I would just like to say that I'm breaking out my VCR for this. I haven't done that since the last time I got the urge to re-visit my childhood and watch Drop Dead Fred.

    • knut_knut says:

      I might have to break out mine too, haha. Fun fact, I completely forgot what the VCR was called, and had to google search "thing that plays VHS tapes". I'M SO OLD πŸ™

    • Quark says:

      That is a great idea. I would break out mine if I knew where it was. Or if I still even have it.

  22. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS.

  23. devilscrayon says:

    This was the first scary movie I watched as a kid! I had actually read the book before seeing the movie so I knew what to expect plot wise, but damn if this movie didn't have me shrieking and jumping out of my seat in fear… delicious fear!

    And Jeff Goldblum… mmmmmmmm πŸ™‚

    Shoot, now I'm gonna have to go out tomorrow morning and find a copy.

  24. stefb4 says:

    To this day I remember the dream I had about velociraptors. I was at my grandparents' house. Bill Cosby was in it. And a kitten. The kitten wasn't eaten, btw. Neither was Bill Cosby.

    Grandma's house, kitten, and Billy Cosby with only the minor inconvenience of velociraptors roaming the neighborhood and no one eaten? I call this dream a success. If dreams can be successful.

  25. I remember watching this movie in a movie theater one summer in San Francisco. We snuck in Burger King chicken sandwiches to eat.

    My uncle bought me the book afterward, and I read it on the plane home and finished it the next day, and so began my love affair with Michael Crichton.

  26. Ryan Lohner says:

    So, can we do this next week, then?

  27. Shiyiya says:

    I AM GLAD THIS WAS POSTPONED BECAUSE I TOTALLY FAILED TO NOTICE THAT TODAY WAS SUNDAY. Man I am the worst at dates.

  28. Saphling says:

    <img src="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/velociraptors.jpg"&gt; alt="You know you do it, too." />

    This is true.

  29. @bonez565 says:

    Yay! the first liveblog that i get to be a part of. Haven't seen Jurassic Park in forever this should be good.

  30. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    PARTY TIME

  31. kelseyofcake says:

    Aaww yeah, got back from my errands just in time!

  32. stardate47988 says:

    Hold on to your butts.

  33. dazyndara says:

    So Excite!
    For your entertainment at my unpreparedness, this is all I know about this movie:
    – Dinosaurs
    – Sam Neill (He's a New Zealander! He went to my university! If he still has a Kiwi accent here I will be super excited!)
    – Someone gets eaten on a toilet
    – Um, velicoraptors?
    – There's a park. It's on an island?

  34. monkeybutter says:

    I AM HERE AND SUPER EXCITED

  35. Karen says:

    SO EXCITE. I was obsessed with this movie when I was 13 (also, huge crush on Sam Neill. Still do, actually.)

  36. rabbitape says:

    I'm lame and recorded this off the TV last night, so I might be slightly off from everyone. But it's still Jurassic Park!

  37. @bonez565 says:

    And so it begins…

  38. kelseyofcake says:

    DINOSAURS ARE GO

  39. rabbitape says:

    I love the Jurassic Park font.

  40. Karen says:

    *branches move ~ominously~*

  41. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    YESSSS. LOOK AT THAT SHOTGUN. ahahahaha i fucking love this movie.

  42. monkeybutter says:

    THE CRATE

  43. @bonez565 says:

    serious face is serious

  44. monkeybutter says:

    I'm so excited I can't type

  45. What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOOOOX?

  46. monkeybutter says:

    Cranky Aussie in short shorts <3

  47. dazyndara says:

    I'm guessing that's not a puppy dog in the crate…

  48. kelseyofcake says:

    Man I remember watching this scene as a kid and having the shit scared out of me. "NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY DIDN'T YOU TRANQUILIZE IT FIRST!!"

  49. rabbitape says:

    Everything about this says, "Not planned quite as well as it could have been."

    Maybe prep your men for the fact they're dealing with A DEADLY CREATURE?!?

  50. monkeybutter says:

    Every time someone gets dragged through a door, I imagine this scene

  51. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    How do they not shoot one another?

  52. monkeybutter says:

    FORESHADOWING

  53. It is about this time that they decided transporting dinosaurs was a bad idea.

    And kept doing it.

  54. rabbitape says:

    I mean, why not make sure you can SECURE THE CRATE before opening it? Do I have to think of everything? I'm not even a trained dino transfer specialist.

  55. dazyndara says:

    Suit man looks ridiculously out of place here

  56. giishu says:

    These people should not work with dangerous animals. I think that's the lesson here. (:

  57. settlingforhistory says:

    There is something special about a movie that has a guy eaten by dinasaur in the first minute.

  58. @bonez565 says:

    Such an awesome start

  59. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    hahahah he fell.

  60. monkeybutter says:

    uptight asshole…does anyone else remember the IRS from WWF? I love uptight assholes from the early 90s

  61. monkeybutter says:

    He sounds like Elmer Fudd

    • giishu says:

      I swear, I thought my computer's voice was off or something. Good to know it's not just me who heard this.

  62. Karen says:

    SHOOOOT HEEEEER!

    I love how we actually don't see the raptors for so much of the movie–it ramps up their creepiness. πŸ˜€

    Also, could they have makde it any more obvious that Gennarro doesn't belong outside an office?

  63. @bonez565 says:

    He is so awkward and out of place

  64. kelseyofcake says:

    Why would you wear that nice suit at a dig site?

  65. dazyndara says:

    That;s not lindo at all! It's a creepy ancient bug!

  66. rabbitape says:

    Lawyer guy, you need to examine your life, and examine your choices.

    "This site is dangerous….I'm going to expect it thoroughly in person."

  67. monkeybutter says:

    I wanted an ambered mosquito SO BAD when I was a kid

  68. giishu says:

    They could absolutely clone new ancient mosquitoes!

  69. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    man i always dress in flannel. JURASSIC PARK APPROPRIATION.

  70. rabbitape says:

    Should they be using their hands like that? Isn't it bad to touch/rub the bone?

    (hee hee…rub the bone…I'm twelve.)

  71. monkeybutter says:

    Ellie Satler <3

    Sam Neill is cool too, I guess

  72. Karen says:

    YEAH BABY DR. GRANT. He can clean my bones anytime. Er…

    (Also, so could Ellie.)

    Also, I totally say "hey, what'd I touch?" when my computer screws up.

  73. @bonez565 says:

    He's a walking techbane

  74. dazyndara says:

    Not a fan of technology, Sam Neill?

  75. dazyndara says:

    Ooooh science time!

  76. monkeybutter says:

    DENIM ON DENIM

  77. knut_knut says:

    AGH I'M LATE! I forgot to buy my sister a bday gift BUT I AM HERE

  78. giishu says:

    HE CAN BREAK MACHINES JUST BY TOUCHING THEM! This does not bode well.

  79. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    god i love sam neill forever.

  80. @bonez565 says:

    who let that kid on the dig site?

  81. knut_knut says:

    god, I hate this kid

  82. rabbitape says:

    HAHA, GET READY KID. YOU'RE ABOUT TO EAT IT.

  83. dazyndara says:

    Is this kid gonna be facing down velociraptors later on??? I feel this is somewhat foreshadowy :p

  84. monkeybutter says:

    also, why is there a kid there?

  85. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    this is the best movie of all time.

  86. rabbitape says:

    Also, wild turkeys are legit scary.

  87. Karen says:

    Kid will have nightmares for weeks but totally deserved it.

  88. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS THE BEST.

  89. knut_knut says:

    as a child, i found this part really amusing/arousing in a weird way

  90. kelseyofcake says:

    No lie I had never been told about the Dinosaur-bird connection before I watched this movie because my parents wanted me to think that evolution was a lie and blah blah blah. I was about 14 and I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS? THIS IS A REAL THING?? OHMYGOD I'M TOTALLY SURROUNDED BY DINOSAURS!"

    • Karen says:

      I remember seeing seagulls fight over a french fry or something and one of them stretched its neck out and screeched at the other. It was so like the raptors in this movie (like the kitchen sequence) I got goosebumps.

  91. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    Could you imagine hearing this as a child? You would never live another day.

  92. monkeybutter says:

    Jeez, Sam, stop eviscerating children

  93. Karen says:

    Nice Mom jeans, Dr. Sattler. Oh man, the early '90s.

  94. @RadagastWiz says:

    Someone was under the presumption that all kids love dinosaurs? Obviously this one's an exception.

  95. knut_knut says:

    KIDS DO TO SMELL

  96. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    RUDE.

Comments are closed.