Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

So, what started as a joke is now a reality. I now have the free time to do this, so I’d like to start hosting liveblogs purely for the sake of it. These one-offs won’t have reviews. This is just for us to watch things totally spoiled and yell and flail and post GIFs. And what better thing to do this with than Jurassic Park, one of the greatest movies in the history of the world?

IT’S HERE. JURASSIC PARK LIVEBLOG.

Image by the lovely and talented Melissa/beepbeeprobot.

EDIT: SO. My hosting service went down completely on January 29th, so the liveblog has now been moved a week later. I hope y’all can come!

This is not a review. This is just a chance for us to all hang out for a couple hours and have a good time. It’s like a field trip for Mark Watches! Except we chose to go to the local theater, take it over, and now we’re going to yell at the screen.

This liveblog will start at 11:00am PST on Sunday, FEBRUARY 5TH. Please consult a world clock to determine what time that is for where you live! At exactly that time, we will all start our DVDs, streams, downloads FROM THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSAL LOGO. That means you may need to start the movie before hand and then pause it as soon as it appears on the screen.

The rest is simple. Comment. GIF. Yell. ALL-CAPS. Laugh. Cry. Realize Laura Dern is a better person than you are. Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum. WHATEVER. It’s a party, and you’re all invited.

There will be more of these in the future. You are so not prepared.

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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1,091 Responses to Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

  1. monkeybutter says:

    No, he's totally right, children are terrible

    • rabbitape says:

      I do want to clarify that it's baby poop that smells bad. Actual babies in their natural state smell really nice. And then you hand them off to their owners when they poop.

  2. giishu says:

    Terrifying little kids since 1993. They started early, yes.

  3. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HE SHOOK HIS FINGER.

  4. Karen says:

    LOL I love how Hammond just shakes Grant's finger.

    "Okay, who's the jerk?!" <3<3

  5. dazyndara says:

    Is that an Attenborough?!

  6. monkeybutter says:

    yet you were just rubbing your hands all over bones

  7. Karen says:

    "Spared no expense." DRINK.

  8. knut_knut says:

    apparently, your gift does not extend to dinos

  9. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    THAT JOY WON'T LAST MUCH LONGER.

  10. kelseyofcake says:

    As annoying as Hammond can be sometimes, his excitement over showing his park off is kind of adorable

  11. dazyndara says:

    Aaaah scientists, we always need grant money!

  12. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    DENNIS NEDRY.

  13. monkeybutter says:

    jealous of their champagne, opening some wine myself

  14. dazyndara says:

    Good work movie, define the large person by food-eating :/

  15. monkeybutter says:

    …newman

  16. settlingforhistory says:

    I love how excited he is.

  17. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    I love his laugh. So much.

  18. knut_knut says:

    i love dennis even though he's a traitor

  19. rabbitape says:

    That fruit plate looks super good.

  20. dazyndara says:

    Eeeeew he's gonna eat shaving cream, isn't he?

  21. Karen says:

    "Dodgson. Dodgson. We've got Dodgson here!!!" Oh Nedry, you glorious bastard.

  22. monkeybutter says:

    lol when Ben was on the scavenger hunt and screwed open the whipped cream, I thought of this scene

  23. monkeybutter says:

    I'm cackling like newman

  24. kelseyofcake says:

    LOL, this would not work at an airport today.

  25. HE PUTS IT ON THE PIE.

    I can't believe how much I remember about this movie. I have not seen it in forever, but I must have watched it so many times when I was a kid.

  26. monkeybutter says:

    I want his sunglasses

  27. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    YES. MY HUSBAND. I LOVE YOU.

  28. rabbitape says:

    Fuck Nedry for putting shaving cream on someone's pie. That's how you know he's a bad guy.

  29. Karen says:

    YAY FAVOURITE PIECE OF MUSIC. And favourite part of the movie, I think. The scenery, the first time they see the dinos…

  30. knut_knut says:

    ASDKLGJASL;DJGS;ALGJASGJ MALCOLM

  31. knut_knut says:

    his laugh is amazing

  32. knut_knut says:

    he is amazing

  33. rabbitape says:

    Goddamn, you chew that gum, Jeff Goldblum.

  34. dazyndara says:

    Mrs Sam Neill really is very pretty, isn't she?

  35. knut_knut says:

    everything is amazing

  36. giishu says:

    D'aww! Look, it's Goldblum!

    Ye gods, he reminds me of Neil Gaiman. Totally works with the rockstar comment too.

  37. monkeybutter says:

    too busy ogling jeff goldblum to type

  38. Karen says:

    OMG Malcolm, seriously, that line. I love the way Ellie just turns her head away and laughs.

  39. @bonez565 says:

    Such beautiful scenery, an amazing scene all around

  40. WHAT UP JOHN WILLIAMS.

  41. Shiyiya says:

    That is a prettyass island.

  42. dazyndara says:

    I like the cheerful exciting music!

  43. knut_knut says:

    part of my decision to be a math major may have been because of ian malcolm. MAY

  44. monkeybutter says:

    I wanna be a math rockstar when I grow up

  45. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    SAM NEILL YOU ARE FOREVER MY FAVORITE.

  46. kelseyofcake says:

    THIS MUSIC. MY GOD.

  47. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    Ugh, those trucks. I REMEMBER THEM.

  48. Karen says:

    …I wanna go to Kauai. 🙁

  49. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    hahaha lawyers.

  50. kelseyofcake says:

    SHUT UP LAWYER MY CHILDHOOD IS COMING

  51. dazyndara says:

    Oooh suspenseful….

  52. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    I LOVE THIS MOMENT SO MUCH.

  53. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    Especially when he turns her head.

  54. monkeybutter says:

    uh, shouldn't y'all have thought of that before the whole island buying part?

  55. DRAMATIC TAKING OFF OF SUNGLASSES IN 3…2…1.

  56. knut_knut says:

    <3 <3 <3

  57. settlingforhistory says:

    Yes, leave the car and go to the giant dinosaur. Always a good decision.

  58. Karen says:

    EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE IS BEAUTIFUL. MY CHILDHOOD, RIGHT HERE.

  59. dazyndara says:

    AAAAAAAHHHHHHH HAPPY DINOSAUR! 😀

  60. giishu says:

    "It's a dinosaur."

    Nice summary!

  61. Shiyiya says:

    Why did you have to take off your hat to see?

  62. rabbitape says:

    Does anyone remember the giant article in Newsweek about how they did the dinosaurs? I read it with my jaw on the floor, but I still wasn't prepared.

    Just fucking beautiful.

    • knut_knut says:

      no!! was this back when the movie came out? i'll have to find it!

      • rabbitape says:

        Yes, it was when the movie came out — before it came out actually, if I remember correctly. There was also a "making of" on HBO at the time. It was super fascinating.

  63. monkeybutter says:

    yessssss

  64. knut_knut says:

    ngl this part makes me tear up a bit :')

  65. dazyndara says:

    "It's a dinosaur"!

  66. kelseyofcake says:

    I swear when I watched this scene and heard that beautiful music it was like I looked into the face of baby Jesus. THIS WAS LIKE MY BIGGEST CHILDHOOD DREAM

  67. rabbitape says:

    Also, I'm eternally jealous of Satler and Grant for having that experience. No, I don't care that they are fictional.

  68. @bonez565 says:

    man the FX look amazing! i forgot how good they were especially for a 1993 movie

  69. dazyndara says:

    Ummmm, you have a T-Rex? How could this end well?

  70. dazyndara says:

    I <3 this guy, he's basically fainting with excitement!

  71. knut_knut says:

    it's amazing how the effects still stand up today

  72. monkeybutter says:

    grass stains on your butt

  73. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    I MEAN. In theory this is kind of an amazing idea????? lol but in execution, WHAT A DISASTER.

  74. rabbitape says:

    God, I fucking love this movie.

  75. knut_knut says:

    they're moving in herds!! <3

  76. monkeybutter says:

    even though i know how this movie ends, I'm still so sad that this isn't real

  77. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HE IS SO EXCITED. I LOVE IT.

  78. knut_knut says:

    lol i love ellie's awkward hello

  79. Karen says:

    "So what are you thinking?"
    "We're out of a job?"
    "Don't you mean extinct?"

    Apparently Phil Tippet said something like that when he saw the computer graphics. WAY TO RUB IT IN, SPIELBERG.

  80. kelseyofcake says:

    YES! Mr. DNA! I love this skit

  81. giishu says:

    But… why start with cloning dinosaurs? Why not start with the mammoths?

    The mammoth park wouldn't have quite the same ring to it, would it?

    Hah! I love the look of amused contempt mr Goldbloom has during the DNA talk.

  82. Karen says:

    MR DNA!!!

  83. knut_knut says:

    right, that's not terrifying at all

  84. settlingforhistory says:

    Biology lesson! I love this part, it's so missleadingly cute.

  85. monkeybutter says:

    great acting

  86. dazyndara says:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG CARTOON DNA!

  87. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    hahaha I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ANIMATION. SO AMAZING.

  88. knut_knut says:

    when i was a child, i thought mr. dna literally lived inside me :/

  89. monkeybutter says:

    dino-sahres

  90. @bonez565 says:

    lol at the virtual reality

  91. Karen says:

    ..Wait why was the dude wearing a splatter-shield when he's just waving his hands around and looking at a computer screen?

  92. kelseyofcake says:

    Remember when they apparently found tissue and blood cells in that fossilized t-rex bone? I was terrified this movie would happen because I didn't yet know about how DNA broke down over time.

    • dazyndara says:

      We just need a T-rex that's been frozen the whole time, like how scientists are still working on re-creating mammoths!

  93. monkeybutter says:

    bb dinos

  94. Shiyiya says:

    Why on earth a frog? Why not, like, A BIRD!

  95. dazyndara says:

    Um um um but what about if you have gaps in both strands and you don't have a reference sequence to check against….(ok, I should turn my Science Brain off now :P)

  96. @bonez565 says:

    i forgot about the auto-erotica line

  97. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    AUTO-EROTICA. I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THAT.

  98. knut_knut says:

    the three troublemakers <3

  99. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    BD WONG. I LOVE YOU.

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