So, what started as a joke is now a reality. I now have the free time to do this, so I’d like to start hosting liveblogs purely for the sake of it. These one-offs won’t have reviews. This is just for us to watch things totally spoiled and yell and flail and post GIFs. And what better thing to do this with than Jurassic Park, one of the greatest movies in the history of the world?
IT’S HERE. JURASSIC PARK LIVEBLOG.
Image by the lovely and talented Melissa/beepbeeprobot.
EDIT: SO. My hosting service went down completely on January 29th, so the liveblog has now been moved a week later. I hope y’all can come!
This is not a review. This is just a chance for us to all hang out for a couple hours and have a good time. It’s like a field trip for Mark Watches! Except we chose to go to the local theater, take it over, and now we’re going to yell at the screen.
This liveblog will start at 11:00am PST on Sunday, FEBRUARY 5TH. Please consult a world clock to determine what time that is for where you live! At exactly that time, we will all start our DVDs, streams, downloads FROM THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSAL LOGO. That means you may need to start the movie before hand and then pause it as soon as it appears on the screen.
The rest is simple. Comment. GIF. Yell. ALL-CAPS. Laugh. Cry. Realize Laura Dern is a better person than you are. Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum. WHATEVER. It’s a party, and you’re all invited.
There will be more of these in the future. You are so not prepared.
These guys could learn a thing or two from Disney World about encouraging the animals to stay in sight of the visitors.
Ruh roh, technically difficulties…
Yes, let's create large enclosures thick with dense foliage and then hope that the dinosaurs will magically stay within 10 feet of the fences so the tourists can actually see them.
ikr, what was their plan? were they going to heard the dinosaurs towards the fence?
Seriously. Of all the flaws in their planning of this park, that was the one that made the least amount of sense to me.
Yes, let's show the EVIL FAT GUY eating snacks and lounging in his chair all lazy.
hahahaha good lord.
most people's mistakes don't involve dinos killing people
I AM ALREADY SO NERVOUS
HELP ME
"God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs." ♥
"He's gonna eat the goat? Excellent!"
"Dinosaurs…eat man… Woman inherits the earth." OH, ELLIE. <3
She's awesome!
OMG T-REX! Where is she?!
QUIET. ALL OF YOU. THEY'RE APPROACHING THE TYRANNOSAUR PADDOCK.
This is such a great experience for kids: watching a goat being eaten alive!
True story — my idiot then-boyfriend and a few of his friends decided to go see Jurassic Park after dropping acid. The next 18 hours of their lives did not go well. Imagine walking through downtown Chicago while raptors are riding the El, and a T-Rex the size of the Sears Tower is hiding behind every skyscraper.
Woman inherits the earth.
WOMAN INHERITS THE EARTH
GOD I LOVE ELLIE
WOMAN INHERITS THE EARTH.
i love her. so much.
OMG Laura Dern <3 <3 <3 you forever! "Dinosaurs Eat Man, Woman Inherits The Earth"
WOMAN INHERITS THE EARTH
"Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the earth"
She is literally the best
gooooooooooat
I love the smile Grant gives Ellie after the "woman inherits the earth" line. <3
Noooooo, the goat!
d'aww sleepy goat
"I happen to be a vegetarian" but she doesn't stop looking
But Lex, the Jello
ian malcom be my bride
"I really hate that man." Never stops making me LOL.
HOW CAN YOU HATE IAN MALCOLM
Don't hate him, he is kinda awesome. Ooh, is he gonna be eaten by T Rex now?
I think I'll gif Hammond saying 'I really hate that man" later and use it whenever I'm upset at my state's governor.
shut your mouth
dinosaurs = entropy
i love nerdy flirting
Did no one seriously realise that people would try and escape from their cars? No one? Really?
Dr. Malcolm, you can demonstrate chaos theory on me anytime.
Why couldn't Ian Malcolm have been my science/math teacher? I would have paid so much attention in math class, I swear.
not to the subkect at hand, but i would also pay so much attention
Ooh such flirting
if i hadn't just finished a second glass of wine, i would probably come up with something pithy
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/5fLNd.gif">
yeeeesssssss
DAMN YOU
there's no such thing as too much chaos theory flirting
so true
<img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/257k5j8.gif">
so hot
SO HOT
Yes, have cars where the passengers can OPEN THE DOORS so they can go outside where there are DINOSAURS.
CHAOS FLIRTING.
'Let's leave the saveaty of the car to watch the dinosaurs. Nothing bad will happen. We have knoweledge.'
ALAN LOOK AT THIS
Hang on what?! Now you are out of the car?
no child safety locks?
I will keep you company ian
Your park security sucks, guys. ALL PARKS HAVE ELECTRONIC OR MECHANICAL MECHANISMS TO PREVENT LIFTING HARNESSES OR OPENING DOORS.
LOL at Lex getting Grant to hold her hand. Clever girl.
Lexie, lol. Crush harder girl. 🙂
Oh poor sad triceratops! Triceratops used to be my favourite dinosaur!
I'll say again i LOVE practical effects
awww they're so excited!!!!
I bet the triceratops is thinking STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME.
Seriously. Special effects in this movie have remained flawless nearly TWO DECADES later. How does that work?
EEEE THE TRICERATOPS. I love Alan and Ellie's reactions. <3<3<3<3
The bit where she's basically crying with excite!
They are clearly in dino fandom. That's the appropriate reaction to meeting the subject of your stanage.
See if this happened I would insist they only bring back the herbivores so I could cuddle with sick triceratops and not worry about being eaten.
I love Satler crying when she touches the dino, but I do not love her squeezing a tongue pustule with her bare fingers.
Oh, she touches the shit with her bare hands. That is so wrong on so many levels.
THINK OF THE PLANTS!
Why would you put toxic plants in your park?!
so basically the park rangers are useless
this part is so sweet
Also, the park employees are like the worst vets ever. "Its pupils are dilated? Why didn't I think of checking that?"
It's a storm. It's not a disaster.
"That is one big pile of shit." DRINK.
HAHAHHAA THAT IS ONE BIG PILE OF SHIT
Giant pounds of poo!
<img src="http://i44.tinypic.com/35ioaqe.jpg">
This is perfect!
Did you make this? Because I need to use it and I will credit you.
nope, sorry, i don't know who made it
So wait, why do they have the visitors come the same weekend that everyone else that works there is leaving for some reason?
Because PLOT
Because HEY LOOK OVER THERE, DINOSAUR.
This was better explained away in the book, but it's been so long that I can't remember how.
you should unbutton your shirt more, malcolm
i'm gonna pretend that that's an actual direction Spielberg gave later
the buttons don't even start until about a quarter of the way down. bless you, costume department
I've been watching City Hunter, and Lee Min Ho is ALWAYS in a v-neck or unbuttoned shirt. I think the costume dept is working in Korea, now
NO TIME FOR HYGIENE, IAN. DINOSAURS.
If I was somewhere secure (i.e. not a dinosaur park) I would love to weather a storm on Kauai. With a drink in a coconut and a blankie, maybe. And a puppy.
IIRC the cast and crew actually did–I think there was a hurricane that hit just as they were finishing filming.
LOL I love how there's a video progress bar on a "live camera"
oh ho ho ho let us continue to have our fat guy be obnoxious and annoying and a liar and jerk and what else can we have him be?
ahhh effects fail, playing a recorded video.
STOP TALKING this isn't suspicious at all….
DAMMIT NEDRY
Why so nervous, Dennis? Your deception gonna be a problem then?
what an awkward heart to heart
No. Door security systems going down isn't odd. It's worrying. You should probably check that out. Go on.
I love kids…drink
Lord you are a terrible spything. He is clearly babbling nervously.
PS why on earth were the triceratops's horns all cracked?
CHECK THE VENDING MACHINES!
STEAL ALL THE EPPENDORFS!
FUCKED UP
OH SHIT SON. SHIT JUST GOT REAL.
The fences are failing and there is a storm and you are unlocking gates…
To my eternal dismay, I have to go. Enjoy the rest of the movie, everyone!
🙁 bye!!
boo.
bye!
Sadface! Bye!
…How the fuck are we an hour into this movie? Seriously, where has the time gone?
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING THE DINOSAUR FENCES OPEN YOU IDIOT
Wait, really, the arrow is MOVABLE? Like maybe the East Dock will be in a different place every day??
It's due to chaos. And quantum, probably. 😀
They spared every expense on nails
SHIT'S GONNA GET SO REAL.
Ah, AH, AH, YOU DIDN'T SAY THE MAGIC WORD. Drink!
shoulda put some maps on those touchscreen cd-roms
shoulda used sudo
LOL you guys are so scared.
"Did you feel that?" Why, it would much easier to HEAR that. Does nobody hear the omnious loud sound?
That would never work for getting water.
poor goat is wet and unhappy