So, what started as a joke is now a reality. I now have the free time to do this, so I’d like to start hosting liveblogs purely for the sake of it. These one-offs won’t have reviews. This is just for us to watch things totally spoiled and yell and flail and post GIFs. And what better thing to do this with than Jurassic Park, one of the greatest movies in the history of the world?
IT’S HERE. JURASSIC PARK LIVEBLOG.
Image by the lovely and talented Melissa/beepbeeprobot.
EDIT: SO. My hosting service went down completely on January 29th, so the liveblog has now been moved a week later. I hope y’all can come!
This is not a review. This is just a chance for us to all hang out for a couple hours and have a good time. It’s like a field trip for Mark Watches! Except we chose to go to the local theater, take it over, and now we’re going to yell at the screen.
This liveblog will start at 11:00am PST on Sunday, FEBRUARY 5TH. Please consult a world clock to determine what time that is for where you live! At exactly that time, we will all start our DVDs, streams, downloads FROM THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSAL LOGO. That means you may need to start the movie before hand and then pause it as soon as it appears on the screen.
The rest is simple. Comment. GIF. Yell. ALL-CAPS. Laugh. Cry. Realize Laura Dern is a better person than you are. Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum. WHATEVER. It’s a party, and you’re all invited.
There will be more of these in the future. You are so not prepared.
'Oh, Mr. Arnold.' How nice of the dino to leave an arm. Ew!
WHEN HAS ALAN GRANT LED YOU ASTRAY? JUST JUMP
I BELIEVE I CAN FLY
guys this joke was the best joke i've ever made
come on
you need the flying sloth
AAAAAAHHHHH THAT'S A DINOSAUR
since ellie is taken, i will marry this movie
RAPTOR FUCK YES
AAAAAAHHHHHHH ARM!
NIGHTMARES OH GOD I HATE THESE FUCKERS
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
OMG I think I remember jumping a foot in my seat when that raptor appeared.
I LOVE THIS PART
i loved that part with the arm when i was a kid
<img src="http://i39.tinypic.com/245xai8.gif">
AHAHA HERE IT COMES.
I wonder if they would have appeared less threatening if we had known raptors had feathers when this was made.
maybe. i definitely would have been terrified of big bird
probably. feathers aren't all that intimidating. but then again, it might inspire bird fear
"Clever girl!"
Clever Girl!
i'm sorry, i must
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/XCnPz.jpg">
I think I love you for this.
That would've been the best plot-twist EVAR.
clever girl
CLEVER GIRL.
OH GOD I DIE
wow, that was way more graphic than i remember
from two weeks ago?
yea! i didn't realize you could see the raptor eating muldoon
too much fringe wine
i was sitting in it too. all those fumes
Whew I'm glad the kid didn't die (yet?)
No Sam Neill don't leave them!
Is it weird that that one brief shot of a snake freaks me out more than all the dinosaur scenes combined? Gawd I hate snakes…
Ugh, I'm so hungry right now and I just had a perfectly sensible breakfast earlier. I could really climb into my screen right now for that food.
FUCKED UP. THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKED UP. THIS SCENE TERRIFIED ME FOR YEARS.
I KNOW ISN'T IT THE BEST?!
"Big Tim, the human piece of toast."
THE JELLO. PERFECT.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/2O4GH.gif">
I STILL HATE YOU
i love their reunion
Ooooooh shit! Though nice framing with the painting on the wall
AND THEN ITS SHADOW!! I LOVE IT
OH GOD I HATE THIS ALFKNAKJFK;JFSA
<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llkfy0Ulb41qe5dmvo1_500.gif">
knut_knut scooped you again!
I think my video is ever so slightly ahead
i'm so ashamed
in other words
FUCK YEAH RAPTORS IN THE KITCHEN
This has bugged me since forever. Your muscles contract when you get electrocuted. It's why if you have to touch an electric wire, you should do it with the back of your hand, so your muscles contract and pull you away from the wire if there's electricity in it.
So shouldn't Tim have burned on the fence?
(This is not a thing I want to see. This is a thing I wonder about…)
Yeah, his hands sould have trapped him there :S
it said high voltage, not amperage…current…whatever, so he could be okay. Current is what kills ya
Yes. I'm pretty sure he would have gotten stuck and died horribly.
But you know, we can't be seeing that on screen, this is a family movie. (Sortof.)
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/Gl7eU.gif">
I LOVE THIS PART
I love the raptor breathing noise. It sounds like my cat purring. Though now that I think about it, that should be rather disconcerting.
AAAAAHHHHH OH SHIT THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WE'RE ALL SO SCREWED
"yes, unless they figured out how to open doors."
*cut to shot of handle moving*
OH SHIT.
When that raptor opened the door I was just "THAT'S IT. JUT LET ME DIE RIGHT HERE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE"
AKSLDF;LAKJS they can open doors!!! AND THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN
So yeah, the kitchen scene… kid-me had no problems watching this part. In fact, I think it was one of my favorites.
I think I just liked seeing other kids being all resourceful and shit.
I was all over anything where a kid got to be a badass and save the day and stuff.
yup! and i love the raptor slapstic. it's so exciting!
God, this sequence is such perfection.
DINOSAURS BELONG OUTSIDE, DAMMIT
WHO KNEW THAT LADLES COULD BE SO TERRIFYING.
cinnamon challenge lady?
HAHAHAHAHAH GLOZELL KNOWS.
O GOD THAT WAS THE BEST! WHY DID SHE USE A LADLES/??!!! the spoon was RIGHT THERE
Don't say things with "unless" in it. This rule should be followed by everyone, regardless of movie.
It's Flotsam and Jetsam!
GOD I AM WATCHING TOTORO AFTER THIS SO I DON'T HAVE NIGHTMARES
That is a prefect idea I might have to do the same!
puppy bowl, y'all
Dog phobia :/
boo :C
totoro is awesome, tho
enjoy!
I third this idea.
Though I must say that my nephew, who is 5, is terrified by Totoro as well.
what how can you be terrified by totoro
Totoro is wonderful!
CATBUUUUUS!
He likes the Catbuss. It's Totoro he's afraid of…
but…totoro is so large and huggable!!!
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/s1Lxe.gif">
I JUST LOVE THIS GIF.
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/0C8yy.gif">
WHY CAN'T THIS HAPPEN IN MY LIFE?? JUST ONCE.
THAT SCENE IS THE BEST SCENE I LOVE IT SO MUCH
PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER WITH TOTORO AND CATBUS
I tried to convince him of this. "Look, how nice he is! And cuddly! I bet he's as soft as our fluffiest cat. And he helps them!"
And he still wanted to run away unless I change the movie. I think they sound frightened him…
I bet I can tell stories of this when he gets old. Embarrassing aunts FTW!
<img src="http://i42.tinypic.com/vzdjsz.gif">
that's some intense side eye he's giving
i don't know why i don't use this gif more often
There's lots of hobbling in this movie.
Yeah, leg injuries were all the rage in 1993.
i love that lex runs to the doors with her arms out
LOLOLOL That shot of Lex running and screaming with her arms straight out.
I love Lexie running with her arms outstretched.
BADASS GRANT WITH THE REALLY BIG GUN. 😀 😀 😀 😀
The matrix like effect on the raptor looks so great!
GO LEX GO!! NOW IS YOUR TIME!
IT'S A UNIX SYSTEM. I KNOW THIS.
Computers don't work like that….
shhhh
THAT'S the concern?! 🙂 😀
It's a Unix system, I know this! <3 <3 <3 Lex forever!
Hey, Tim. While your sister is being useful you could grab that gun, you know?
yesssssss unix
hollywood unix
TIM GIVE EHR THE FUCKING GUN YOU'RE NOT HELPING YOUR SISTER
DON'T CELEBRATE JUST YET.
YAY COMPUTER NERD GIRL SAVES THE DAY. 😀
every time she says that i think she means the glass in the door, which is just this tiny porthole
THE BEST PART
YOU KICK THAT VELOCIRAPTOR IN THE HEAD YOU BADASS
FUCKYES THE SCENE WITH THE BONES
I bet this scene makes museum curators cry
They're replicas, right? RIGHT?
stephen spielberg dug up real fossils just to obliterate them for this scene
he would
I would not be surprised.
I meant in-universe 😛 Because there'd be kids touching them there
i think most dino bones in museums are just replicas
I keep telling myself it's unlikely the skeletons contain any actual bones as they're so rare.
Oh man, remember the last level of the Sega Genesis game??
I LOVE THIS PART
FOSSILS AND LIVING DINOSAURS
ALSO, IT REMINDS ME OF THE END OF BRINGING UP BABY
poor tim's had a lot of stuff fall on him this weekend
Gaaaaah so awesome I can't even comment on one specific thing.
FUCK YEAH T Rex to the rescue (!)
T-REX I LOVE YOU
I fucking love this music.
The music for this movie is just so brilliant. JOHN WILLIAMS, ALL THE AWARDS.
Yes John Williams is basically the best ever. My musical snobbery totally gets thrown out the window when he writes scores.
HOW DID HE NOT GET NOMINATED FOR IT I HAVE NO IDEA BUT HE WON FOR SCHINDLER'S LIST THE SAME YEAR SO I CANNOT COMPLAIN
AND T-REX SAVES THE DAY!
The banner, the roar. I love you Steven Spielberg. <3
And T-Rex saves the day!
My hero!
yesssssssssssss t-rex saves the day AGAIN
LKASJDF;LASKLF;JA
After careful consideration, I've decided not to endorse your park. Good decision!
ho ho ho
THE BANNER IS JUST TOO MUCH FOR ME
I DIED
"Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration I've decided…not to endorse your park.:" Yay Grant gets a snark line!
"Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration, I've decided not to endorse your park". OH SNAP.
YAY THE THEME AGAIN.
i want that cane
excuse me, beautiful middle school band memories
Aw man, I am very jealous of your middle school band!
Laura Dern's hair is super pretty now!
sometimes your hair gets so fucked up it comes out on the other side. dinopocalypse does that.
I JUST NOTICED THIS TOO.
tearing up a little…i love this music
And then birds were suddenly terrifying but also 100% more epic
i love the theme with the birds <3
and the look between them…ugh, i don't even like kids, but it's beautiful
Awwww, Grant snuggling with the kids.
PERFECTION. GREATEST MOVIE EVER.
Okay, now BOMB THE ISLAND.
That was my thought exactly. I mean THEY JUST LEAVE?! Now that is a good idea.
It is if you want sequels!
RIGHT?
It amazes me that they didn't do this.
Awesome liveblog everyone!
And off they helicopter into the sunset…until a plesiosaur or something leaps out of the ocean at them!
SWELL MUSIC, CUE CREDITS.
And holy shit where the hell did two hours go? Seriously?