Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

So, what started as a joke is now a reality. I now have the free time to do this, so I’d like to start hosting liveblogs purely for the sake of it. These one-offs won’t have reviews. This is just for us to watch things totally spoiled and yell and flail and post GIFs. And what better thing to do this with than Jurassic Park, one of the greatest movies in the history of the world?

IT’S HERE. JURASSIC PARK LIVEBLOG.

Image by the lovely and talented Melissa/beepbeeprobot.

EDIT: SO. My hosting service went down completely on January 29th, so the liveblog has now been moved a week later. I hope y’all can come!

This is not a review. This is just a chance for us to all hang out for a couple hours and have a good time. It’s like a field trip for Mark Watches! Except we chose to go to the local theater, take it over, and now we’re going to yell at the screen.

This liveblog will start at 11:00am PST on Sunday, FEBRUARY 5TH. Please consult a world clock to determine what time that is for where you live! At exactly that time, we will all start our DVDs, streams, downloads FROM THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF THE UNIVERSAL LOGO. That means you may need to start the movie before hand and then pause it as soon as it appears on the screen.

The rest is simple. Comment. GIF. Yell. ALL-CAPS. Laugh. Cry. Realize Laura Dern is a better person than you are. Desire sex with Jeff Goldblum. WHATEVER. It’s a party, and you’re all invited.

There will be more of these in the future. You are so not prepared.

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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1,091 Responses to Mark Watches ‘Jurassic Park’: Liveblog

  1. MsSméagol says:

    Bet they wish they had an enchanted Ford Anglia that could help them right about now.

  2. Karen says:

    "I think this was Gennarro." "I think this was, too." EEEEW.

  3. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    I just like saying MUL DOOOOOOOOON

  4. kelseyofcake says:

    "Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend"

  5. settlingforhistory says:

    Again we need the water to notice the T-Rex is coming, the noise is not enough. It could be anything.

  6. monkeybutter says:

    t-rex unbuttoned his shirt

    I <3 t-rex

  7. Shiyiya says:

    "Please chance it" ahahaha

  8. knut_knut says:

    she got down there real quick

  9. dazyndara says:

    Hooo that is one big footprint!

  10. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    OH SHIT. IT'S COMING.

  11. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    PLEASE CONTINUE NARRATING YOUR LIFE.

    • ScarlettMi says:

      They should release an in-character audio commentary by Goldblum/Malcolm for some future anniversary edition Blu-Ray.

  12. ScarlettMi says:

    Greatest visual gag in the history of anything ever. Ever.

  13. kelseyofcake says:

    THIS SCENE IS SO TERRIFYING!!!

  14. knut_knut says:

    HOW IS HE NOT SHITTING HIMSELF

  15. monkeybutter says:

    MUST GO FASTER

  16. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    UGH THIS MOVIE IS SO FUCKING GOOD

  17. Karen says:

    "Must go faster."

    Also her screaming "Shiiiiiiiit!" is always one of the funniest parts of watching this on TV, as invariably they dub something else in.

  18. tzikeh says:

    "Must go faster" is one of my favorite deliveries of movie history.

  19. knut_knut says:

    HOW ARE YOU SO CALM, MULDOON??

  20. Karen says:

    Also I still think of this movie every damn time I see that "Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear" on car mirrors. 😀

  21. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    Did Sam Neill actually do that? Bless him.

    • Karen says:

      LOL IIRC from the making of book (which I read so many times when I was 13 it was falling apart GOD SUCH A NERD) it was actually someone else.

  22. dazyndara says:

    Can we just actually have a park of singing herbivorous dinosaurs? It would be the best thing evar!

  23. settlingforhistory says:

    How can you even think of sleep now? I would never be able to sleep in my life.

  24. dazyndara says:

    Hahaha dino jokes are adorable!

  25. ScarlettMi says:

    I always assumed the Tim & Lexie's dad was horrible and I just wanted Alan to adopt them and be their father and protect them forever and everyone would live happily ever after.

    I may have projected some father-issues on my movies as a kid. (*cough*Not just as a kid.*cough*)

  26. @bonez565 says:

    Dear god the jokes, soo bad

  27. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    ugh sam neill <3

  28. knut_knut says:

    awww so sweet :')

  29. @bonez565 says:

    i had that red lunchbox

  30. MsSméagol says:

    LOL at the stellar dinosaur jokes

  31. Karen says:

    "Take a look at the merchandise we'll have at Target when the movie comes out!"

  32. kelseyofcake says:

    The pillar things in the cafeteria are really fucking cool

  33. tzikeh says:

    I thought a better punchline for the "What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?" joke would be "Splat."

  34. knut_knut says:

    fleas on parade!

  35. Karen says:

    "Who better to get the children through Jurassic Park than a dinosaur expert?"

    He has a point, but considering how little we knew/still know about dinosaur behaviour, etc., that's not all that comforting.

  36. kelseyofcake says:

    Hammond is eating his feelings. 🙁

  37. monkeybutter says:

    I just spent five minutes looking through arctic_hare's history for this:

    <img src="http://i40.tinypic.com/23hnl2r.gif"&gt;

  38. Something they can see…and touch…and be eaten by.

  39. monkeybutter says:

    whatever, playing god always ends well

  40. Karen says:

    GRANT YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T FALL ASLEEP.

    Also there was another "spared no expense". DRINK.

  41. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    VEGGIESAURUS

  42. knut_knut says:

    it just wants to be friends!

  43. karate0kat says:

    My main two exposures to Sam Niel are this movie, and The Tudors. IT'S VERY CONFUSING TO GO BETWEEN THEM.

  44. kelseyofcake says:

    See this would be all so very cute and adorable if it was real so long as they stayed away from making the predators. I wanna cuddle with Littlefoot!

  45. dazyndara says:

    EWWWWWWW dino snot!

  46. MsSméagol says:

    Veggisaur schmeggisaur, it's still friggin scary!!!

  47. Karen says:

    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew covered in dinosaur boogers. I would need to bathe in all the Lysol after that.

  48. dazyndara says:

    Girl child (Lex?) is awesome!

  49. Shiyiya says:

    Shouldn'y that have pulled him out of the tree?

  50. monkeybutter says:

    dino snot!

    poor lex

  51. monkeybutter says:

    stop denying her identity, dino-geek

  52. giishu says:

    Perhaps you should have tried to reboot your system BEFORE you created the dinosaurs? It just seems like a thing to do, no? Just to see what happens? Just once? No?

  53. kelseyofcake says:

    No seriously WHY would you fill in the DNA gaps with an amphibian???? IT MAKES NO SENSE

    • giishu says:

      This reminds me of one Dexter's Laboratory episode, where Dexter cloned a T-rex with a dog's brain (cause that's the part that was missing).

      I suppose the answer is: "Why not?" If you're playing god anyway…

  54. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    YES KEEP POSING SEXILY SIR.

  55. Karen says:

    Tiny baby dinosaur footprints!!!!! <3<3<3<3

  56. dazyndara says:

    BABY DINOSAURS oh gosh I hope they are friendly herbivore babies and not hungry hungry carnivore babies

  57. Shiyiya says:

    Seriously WHY DID THEY USE FROGS amphibians aren't even that closely related to dinosaurs

  58. dazyndara says:

    hang on wait what what is that Samuel L Jackson how did I not realise this earlier?!?!

  59. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS.

  60. I love the last scene of the book, with the dinosaurs off the island specifically eating things rich in lysine.

    • ScarlettMi says:

      Me too. I should re-read those books again some time. I loved those.

    • dazyndara says:

      Oh cool, like lentils? :p There was recently a big thing in NZ about GMO corn with high lysine designed for animal feed (LY038 iirc) being approved for import, maybe this was a problem cause secretly we have a dinosaur park!

  61. monkeybutter says:

    PEOPLE

    ARE

    DYING

  62. Karen says:

    HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS.

  63. knut_knut says:

    god, so much complaining, tim

  64. Karen says:

    Yes, let's put the circuit breakers that need to be restored if everything goes off–including the fences–at the OTHER END OF THE COMPOUND.

  65. MsSméagol says:

    Someone's probably already said this, but Viserys Targaryen would go crazy over Jurassic Park.

  66. dazyndara says:

    STAMPEDE! IN THE GORGE!

  67. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    Hey, that's the part of Hawaii where my dad is buried! NEAT.

  68. Karen says:

    IIRC there's some seriously lulzy footage of the computer graphics people running around like gallimimuses in the making-of documentary.

  69. kelseyofcake says:

    I am with Lex on this. "YES HOW VERY FASCINATING LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT"

  70. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    I DON'T THIS COUNTS AS A DELAY.

  71. kelseyofcake says:

    DISNEYLAND DID NOT OPEN IN 1956! My inner Disney Nerd is annoyed now.

  72. Karen says:

    "Yeah but if Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists." Still laugh at that line.

  73. giishu says:

    So now you bring out the guns.

    Do those even work on dinosaurs? Because if they have a skin like a rhino, then not all bullets can pierce it. most don't..

    Then again, given how much work they put in their safety systems so far…

  74. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    love you so much elle

  75. kelseyofcake says:

    Elle, be my wife.

  76. Karen says:

    YES. BADASS ELLIE.

    "We can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back."

  77. knut_knut says:

    HOW DOES HE KNOW?

  78. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    ELLE MY HERO

  79. Shiyiya says:

    Ruunning does not seem like a good idea. OH SHIT.

  80. kelseyofcake says:

    This convinced me when I saw it that Muldoon was a distant less-eccentric and funny cousin of Steve Irwin.

  81. knut_knut says:

    this part was so weird in the book, with her gymnastics through the forest

  82. Karen says:

    I WANT TO BE ELLIE WHEN I GROW UP.

  83. ScarlettMi says:

    My work has a basement that sometimes reminds me of this.

  84. dazyndara says:

    HAHAHA best troll evar

  85. xpanasonicyouthx says:

    my favorite

    the original troll

  86. Karen says:

    Grant, you sadistic bastard.

  87. monkeybutter says:

    TIME FOR THE KID TO GET ZAPPED

  88. monkeybutter says:

    I just realized that I have never bothered to learn the precocious dino-kid;s name

  89. Shiyiya says:

    Oh god she's about to turn the power on SUSPENSE

  90. knut_knut says:

    climb faster!!!!

  91. kelseyofcake says:

    GUYS GUYS HURRY UP

  92. Karen says:

    Damn Spielberg really knows how to work the suspense in this movie.

  93. ScarlettMi says:

    I always picture this scene whenever I get to push large buttons.

  94. knut_knut says:

    i love the music here

  95. dazyndara says:

    Oh shit don't electrocute the kid!

Comments are closed.