In the twelfth episode of the third season of Battlestar Galactica, this is a perfect episode. There. I said it. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Battlestar Galactica.
Yeah, I’m not backing down from that distinction. “Rapture” is everything I could ever want from an episode of Battlestar Galactica, and it is everything I could ask for from science fiction, and it is just good fucking television. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE.
My friend Jessica told me that certain cities held viewings of this episode in theaters the day before the actual premiere. I am jealous of any and all of the people who attended such a thing. There’s a lot to praise about “Rapture,” but it reminded me that Battlestar Galactica is a beautiful show. The cinematography takes me out of the medium of television. To be fair, television has produced some of the most stunning imagery of the last couple decades, but I’m used to the scope of film being much larger. Battlestar Galactica ignores that. We get sweeping landscapes that look boiling hot. We get a purple supernova exploding. We get a fiery shockwave from the explosion of a planet.
And none of this is there to distract us from a lack of plot or character development. It’s the cherry on top of a perfection sundae. YEAH I WENT THERE. Do you know how many feelings I have? I have more feelings than I know what to do with.
yes it is time
it is time for a list.
HERE ARE ALL OF MARK’S ~FEELINGS~
every single one of them
- Did you see that moment of total reluctance on Tigh’s part when Adama asks for the launch keys? I think Tigh feels that he can’t really disobey Adama at this point, but he knows that this is a horrific, drastic action. He is essentially guaranteeing that Lee, Starbuck, Tyrol, Cally, Dualla, and Anders will die. Point blank. They will not survive. THIS IS NOT WORTH IT, ADAMA.
- It finally takes Lee flat-out expressing his love for Starbuck by saying he will LET Anders kill him to get the situation on the Algae Planet resolved. Likeâ€¦.CHRIST. He says he would die without Starbuck. I still stand by my statement that these two need to figure out their relationships and stop hurting Anders/Dualla in the process, butâ€¦HOT DAMN. I’m flustered!
- Why do I have all these feelings for D’Anna? I’m seriously so fascinated by Cylons who resist their programming and find ways to part ways from what they’re supposed to be, and over the course of this season, I have found myself genuinely enjoying any and all time with D’Anna. Her journey since “Final Cut” is so amazing to me because I would never expect her to reach this point. But it’s not something that seems ridiculous. Her story has been leading to this moment ever since Caprica Six and Boomer were involved in her death on Caprica. Perhaps this is something that shows that the Cylons are missing an individual sense of purpose. Is that why she’s so desperate to include herself in all of this? But even further, this concerns all of the Threes, who are all now working together to ensure that D’Anna gets to the planet and finds the Eye of Jupiter. That has never happened before. How did D’Anna influence every version of her own model? UGH I LOVE THREE SO MUCH.
- I was only able to figure out what was going on just a second or two before it happened. I was already feeling all of the things for what Helo and Sharon were going through. I knew that the pain they were experiencing was unlike anything I could even imagine. I also knew that Helo would do anything for his wife, but she kept refusing him. What did she have in mind? Why is she crying, telling him that he knew what he needed to do? In a split-second, I knew what she was implying, and then the gun fired and the blood spattered against the wall and JESUS CHRIST I could not imagine watching this in a theater with other people. It’s already embarrassing enough to watch anything with me, so I can’t imagine subjecting a few hundred people to my ridiculousness. Honestly, though, LOOK HOW MUCH THESE TWO LOVE EACH OTHER. I hope I have a boyfriend who loves me so much that he’ll shoot me so I can be brought back to life on a Resurrection Ship. Thatâ€¦that is a weird thing to say. I’ll just walk away now.
- When Roslin and Adama confronted Helo about what he’d done, I found myself agreeing (to a point) with Adama that he may have just risked the safety of Galactica because the Cylons might “steal” critical information from Sharon’s brain. It’s a good point, Adama, and I’ll concede that. But then all these ~feelings~ started to boil in my brain as soon as Roslin tried to criticize Helo, and you could see him squirm. There’s like three seconds there where you can see him thinking, “OH, I AM GOING TO MURDER THIS WOMAN WITH MY BARE HANDS BUT BE COOL, DUDE. BE COOL.” And then he doesn’t hold back and he reminds Roslin that this is basically her fault in the first place. While I wish Sharon would have been the one to confront Roslin about stealing her own child, Helo’s beautiful, noble rage is my favorite rage and I’ll take that, too. Look, I just think Helo is genuinely the most noble character on this show. HE IS A TRUE GRYFFINDOR AMIRITE.
- Okay, a genuine feeling I had that sprung up when Fisher and Dualla set out to try and rescue Starbuck: After Fisher was killed by a sniper, I thought that Dualla and Anders might die by the episode’s end so that the problem of both Starbuck and Lee would be resolved in the most tragic way possible. Yes, that is fucked up, but would it be any more fucked up than what we’ve already seen? I’m just trying to lose any and all hope for anyone on this show because this is what happens on Battlestar Galactica.
- Starbuck’s hands are burnt. Burns terrify me. At this point, I think I was experiencing nearly the full range of feelings a human body could stomach.
- I don’t think many people like Dualla in this fandom. Personally, I kind of adore her? And I want so much more from her character. So I feel awkward when her and Starbuck bicker because as much as Starbuck is my soulmate, she’s completely in the wrong here, and I have to admit that. I mean, telling Dualla that Lee won’t cheat isâ€¦like the poorest consolation of all time. Thanks? That’s cool? It’s also not technically true? Also you probably shouldn’t confess your feelings about Lee while high, but you’re high on morpha and OOPS, THIS IS AWKWARD.
- When the Cylon ambush plan doesn’t work as hoped and Admiral Adama orders Tyrol to leave the Temple of the Five, I GOT SO FUCKING SAD. No! This place means something to Tyrol and he just needs more time! On top of that, the place seemed so fantastical and I selfishly wanted to spend more time there. I wanted to know what the glyphs actually said so badly! AND WHAT’S THE EYE OF JUPITER. I HAVEN’T FIGURED THIS OUT YET. But mostly I felt bad for Tyrol.
- For a second, I worried that Tyrol would accidentally blow up Gaius Baltar before I realized that this show couldn’t kill him off yet. I am guessing he’ll be around until the very final episode. But this is what Battlestar Galactica has done to me! I entertain notions that every character will bite the dust and they all seem so possible!
- The Eye of Jupiter is the goddamn supernova star. I feel so many things at once and they’re actually all positive? Oh god, my heart is so overloaded with ~emotions~.
- Justâ€¦.just everything that happens onboard the basestar with Sharon, Boomer, and Caprica is so rife with anger and love and fear and terror and every feeling that my brain has ever had in the history of forever that I just wanted to PASS OUT as soon as it was over. I love that I am watching a show where “clones” of the same being can all be defined in a way that they have their own identity and that one can be mad at another version of themselves for A REAL REASON. This is so cool! Well, I just mean that it fascinates me; I’m not actually excited that Boomer is so furious with Hera recognizing her mother as Sharon that Boomer wants to CHOKE HERA TO DEATH. Because why is this happening OH MY GOD DO NOT DO IT HOLY SHIT CAPRICA YOU KILLED BOOMER. Look, I know that the Cylons just download back into a new body, but I am still shocked every time one of them dies.
- This needs a separate thought: Bless you, Caprica, for doing what’s right, even if it means betraying another Cylon. You are becoming this wonderful beacon of morality and justice and NEVER CHANGE.
- So after all of this, I’m exhausted. And this is not even close to the REAL SHIT. Everything inside of the Temple of the Fiveâ€¦it is gorgeous. Thrilling. Frustrating on a level this show has never made me feel. It is everything that is right about this show, and it’s why I love it so much. The fact that I can still yelp out in horror when Cavil is shot is a huge deal to me! Again, the Cylons don’t really die, but it doesn’t affect how I feel.
- I need to discuss this. I need to. So, Three steps into the beam of light from the supernova that falls right onto a spot on the floor with a design that represents the Eye of Jupiter, and she is brought straight to that image she had between life and death. Only this time, the image stays, and she is allowed the chance to see the Final Five models. Of course we don’t see who they are, but she stops on the final one. THIS IS IMPORTANT: She says, “Youâ€¦Forgive me, Iâ€¦I had no idea.” AND THEN THE VISION STOPS. Look, THAT MEANS WE KNOW WHO THIS IS. WE KNOW. So my guess is that there are four models that are new characters we’ve not met, but one of them is someone WE HAVE SEEN THIS ENTIRE TIME. Oh. Oh my god, I love this and I hate this. I mean, I want to know who it is, but this show is not going to just hand that to me, you know? But now I sort of want to see if there have been signs to someone being a Cylon this entire time. I bet there are and I just haven’t been paying attention to it. SWEET CHRIST WHAT IS THIS SHOW DOING TO ME.
- WHY DOES THREE TELL BALTAR THAT HE WAS RIGHT???? Is she speaking to him? To one of the Cylons? To someone else? OH CHRIST I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.
- Did anyone else find it to be the most hilarious thing in the world when Baltar tried to trigger the vision, begged God to help him, and then Tyrol pistol whips him? BEST THING EVER OR BEST THING EVER????
- Even the blast of a supernova gives me ~feelings~. Y’all, this show is destroying me.
- Oh, it’s an awkward reunion hug between the married couples. Oh god, for the sake of my own happiness, I really hope these two figure out their damn relationships because IT’S STARTING TO HURT.
- OMG YES. CAPRICA SIX IS ON THE GALACTICA. I have hope she won’t be tortured because I don’t think the humans are going to do that anymore and THIS IS SO FASCINATING TO ME.
- STARBUCK DREW THE EYE OF JUPITER SYMBOL SINCE SHE WAS A CHILD AND IT WAS IN SEASON ONE AND WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON ASLD;F;LKA S;FLKDSAD A;SLKDKFJ A;KDFJ ASD;FHJ AF~!!!1!1!!1~~1!!
- I cannot properly explain how gutted I was at the end of “Rapture.” The Cylons are boxing every version of Three. No, likeâ€¦no. You can’t do that. You cannot do that to Lucy Flawless and you cannot do that to a character who is just discovering the power of finding your own purpose in life apart from the group. You can’t do this.
- Oh. You’re doing it anyway. To every single Three that has ever existed.
- Fuck this.
- I AM NOT FORGIVING YOU, CYLONS.