Mark Predicts ‘Friday Night Lights’: Season 5

I remain both excited to watch this show and mortified that there is not another season of Friday Night Lights beyond this next one. Y’all, I never want this to end. Never. Alas, it’s time for me to post my final predictions for FNL, and then I shall be sad forever.

First, let’s go over my predictions for season four, which I was clearly unprepared for:

  • Okay, Landry will graduate from high school and get in to an awesome college. Damn, we didn’t even see the end of the school year. 0/1
  • Matt will continue working at the Alamo Freeze while supporting his grandmother. haha ha ha ha laughing to keep from crying 0/2
  • Grandma Saracen’s health will worsen. Technically? Maybe not? Okay, I won’t count this one. 0/3
  • Matt’s father will visit at some point during the season, and he will fight with Matt’s mother. I’M GOING TO THROW MYSELF INTO A CHASM OF DESPAIR. Technically, he did visit. While dead. Sorry, I had to say it. 0/4
  • Tami will have to cope with people in Dillon trying to turn her against her husband. Oh, Mark, there were a million more conflicts so much worse than this. 0/5
  • Eric will facing severe funding issues at East Dillon. UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY. At least I got something right! 1/6
  • The Panthers will not go to state. THANK THE LORD. I can’t believe I’m excited about that. 2/7
  • The Lions will not go to state. Unfortunately, I was right, but AT LEAST THEY BEAT THE PANTHERS. 3/8
  • At least five new characters will be introduced this season. AND SO MANY GOOD ONES, AT THAT. Vince, Jess, Tinker, Luke, Big M, the East Dillon boosters… I LOVE SEASON 4. 4/9
  • Tyra will leave the show. I miss Tyra. 5/10
  • Tim will leave the show. IT HURTS TO READ THIS. IT HURTS SO BAD. And I have no idea if I will ever see him again! UGH. 5/11
  • Lyla will leave the show. Did she? Until it’s confirmed, I’m going to assume she didn’t. 5/12
  • Julie and Matt will stay together the entire season. PUSH ME OFF A CLIFF INTO A PIT OF VELOCIRAPTORS. – 1 TRILLION / 13
  • Coach Taylor will stay at East Dillon High the entire season. And what a glorious prediction this is, because yes. I love Eric at East Dillon. – 1 trillion /14, only because I deserve to never be okay again after that Julie/Matt prediction.
  • Billy and Mindy will break up at least once this season, but will get back together. Kind of? Maybe not. Still at -1 trillion/15
  • Joe McCoy will still be the most evil thing of all evil things forever. I wasn’t even trying at this point. -1 trillion trillion /16.
  • J.D. will rebel against his father in a big way. COULD I BE MORE WRONG? – 1 TRILLION TRILLION TRILLION /17
  • And finally, the Panthers and the Lions will play each other at least once this season, and the Panthers will win. Yes, I could be wonderfully wrong. – imaginary number / 18.

Which brings me to my final predictions for Friday Night Lights ever. I’ll recap these and tally my results in the post for the FNL movie, which will be reviewed on October 26th. (Oh god, then I start Supernatural two days later.) So, let’s do this!

  • In the premiere, Tami will be working as head counselor at East Dillon. (I know this is a painfully obvious prediction, but we didn’t get absolute confirmation that she had made this arrangement, and I’d like to get one thing right.)
  • Vince and Jess will become a couple.
  • The premiere will also jump forward in time about 8 months or so, to the start of the next season of football.
  • That means Landry and Julie will both have graduated. (I kind of regret saying this only because this show is ambiguous about what grades people are in, and now I can’t remember if Landry was a senior in season 4.)
  • Nonrecurring characters who will return in season 5: Lyla.
  • Tyra.
  • Jason Street.
  • Tim Riggins.
  • Matt Saracen.
  • Lorraine.
  • Shelby
  • Becky will get a boyfriend.
  • We will see Vince’s mom out of rehab.
  • The Lions will be REALLY GOOD this year. I predict they only lose two games in the whole season.
  • They will go to state.
  • And because this is the last season and I purely want this because it would be lovely, the Lions will win state.
  • (Which also means they’ll beat the West Dillon Panthers.)
  • Joe McCoy will die after the West Dillon Stadium opens beneath him and chomps him up like he deserves it.
  • Because Tami is now the head counselor, we will see the Taylors struggle with finances.
  • Julie will go to school far from Dillon.
  • I’ll cry a lot.
  • Like, a lot.
  • I won’t be okay during the series finale. That’s more of a warning than a prediction. I’m expecting a Fringe finale level of emotional breakdown here.

The fifth season premiere’s review goes up on Thursday. H E L P.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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