Mark Watches ‘Veronica Mars’: S02E08 – Ahoy, Mateys!

In the eighth episode of the second season of Veronica Mars, Keith tracks down proof that Neptune High is harassing the parents of one of the students killed in the bus crash, while Veronica tries to help Logan discover why he’s being framed. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Veronica Mars.

Y’ALL, HOW IS THIS SHOW SO CONSISTENTLY TENSE AND AMAZING.

  • God, there are SO MANY terrifying and well-acted scenes in “Ahoy, Mateys!” HOW IS THIS SHOW REAL.
  • We open with MEG. MEG. I MISSED YOU. YOU’RE ONLY A DREAM VISION, BUT STILL.
  • It’s clear that Duncan is torn between loyalties to Veronica and to Meg, and all of it is due to the letter he discovered in the vent in her room. He’s clearly haunted by his breakup with Meg, and his subconscious manifests this problem by portraying Meg in angelic shades, while Veronica is the temptress in all black. However, there’s this persistent message here – and in the later dream – of saving Meg. Which I don’t understand. Save her life? Save her from something? What’s in that goddamn letter he found?
  • I think it’s also apparent that there’s a part of him that feels strange about Veronica spending so much time with Logan. I think this is the third time he’s spotted them together and had a weird reaction to it.
  • Oh, Logan. Did you just promise not to be a jackass if Veronica helps you? How charming.
  • But it’s sort of par for the course when it comes to Logan. I get that he’s on edge and defensive here because he’s been accused of murder and it doesn’t seem like anyone’s really all that willing to help him out. Granted, as I’ve pointed out, Logan doesn’t make himself a sympathetic person, and it’s an intentional thing on his part. He’s spent his entire life living in the shadow of Aaron Echolls, the exact sort of person who cares about how he’s perceived by everyone around him. It’s natural that Logan would rebel against that, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s going to understand – or, better yet, tolerate – his behavior.
  • Still, Veronica believes there’s still something to be done with Logan, so she proceeds to dig deeper in Dr. Griffith’s past. Meanwhile, Weevil’s got his own investigation going after an 09er approaches him about some coke he bought. From another PCHer. Which the 09er confuses for Weevil because to him, ALL LATINOS LOOK THE SAME.
  • LORD.
  • Anyway, now Weevil has to contend with the fact that someone in his group is usurping his authority, making their own decisions about what the gang is supposed to do. WHICH ONLY GETS WORSE.
  • And then we’ve got ONE OF THE MOST UPSETTING CASES YET on Keith Mars’s desk: the parents of Marcos Oliveres, who died in the bus crash, are suing the school district for negligence. Now, they’re the victim of a campaign of cruel harassment as someone keeps breaking into their house and REMINDING THEM THAT THEIR SON DIED IN THE CRASH. They’re leaving miniature buses everywhere, spraying Marcos’s cologne about, and taunting them with clips of Marcos’s voice.
  • JESUS.
  • Note that all of this is still in the PRE-CREDITS SEQUENCE. STILL! Veronica pursues the first lead she finds and ends up at Danny Boyd’s house, who is a SUPER CREEPY CREEPSTER OH MY GOD PLEASE GO AWAY. It’s kind of amazing to me how fast this scene goes from unnerving to downright horrifying. I mean, going back to that weird building was bad enough, but then when Veronica finds out she got led straight to the main bar of the Fighting Fitzpatrick’s? OH SHIT. THIS IS NOT OKAY. It’s the first time we meet them, and goddamn, they sure left an impression on me.
  • An impression of ABSOLUTE TERROR. So Dr. Griffith is somehow working with the Fitzpatricks? He sewed up Danny’s stomach after a bar fight, but Liam, who I assume is the head of this family, makes reference to him being a “friend” of the family. I don’t understand what happened at all. Well, he also immediately figures out that Veronica isn’t supposed to be there, and EVERYTHING GETS AWFUL. SO AWFUL.
  • BECAUSE THEN VERONICA TAZES DANNY AND THEN LIAM SHOVES CASES OF BEER AT HER AND HE’S PICKING HER UP AND CHOKING HER AND THREATENING TO GIVE HER A TATTOO AND MAKE IT STOP.
  • Oh, thanks Logan, for showing up perfectly on time!
  • WITH A GUN, WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN OH MY GOD
  • NO, VERONICA MARS IS CRYING. SOUND THE ALARM, I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS.
  • It’s just so difficult to deal with all of this. Veronica is obviously completely unnerved by the experience and how close she came to something terrible, but she’s also furious that Logan keeps doing things that will lead to him getting in trouble. Carrying a gun probably makes him feel safe, but the odds are stacked against him already, and an unregistered gun IS NOT GOING TO HELP.
  • oh god WELCOME TO VERONICA MARS, where everything is complicated and not easily resolved and you’re going to feel a lot of pain.
  • Let’s talk about Marcos. In the early parts of “Ahoy, Maties!,” I was SO SAD when Veronica discovered that Marcos was so shy that he was practically invisible at Neptune High. HE WASN’T EVEN IN THE YEARBOOK. It only highlights the tragedy of his death. He was forgotten while alive; upon his death, that’s when someone decided to pay attention to him. By TORMENTING HIS PARENTS. Of course, the mystery deepens when she gets an email about how someone once admired Marcos, but never really got to pursue them due to a jealous boyfriend. So there was more to Marcos than meets the eye, but why harass his parents? Why taunt his mother by hacking her radio to play a loop of HER SON’S VOICE? What the fuck could possibly justify such behavior?
  • (HELP ME.)
  • Hey, it’s the Principal! You know, I’d kind of assumed Clemmons was the Principal, which is really foolish because that never was his title. We just never saw Principal Moorehead before this episode!
  • MORE MAC. MAC IS HERE. MAC IS SUPER GREAT AND DEMANDS THAT VERONICA NOT USE HER SERVICES FOR FREE. CAN MAC ACTUALLY BE VERONICA’S VERSION OF Q? PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE WROTE VERONICA MARS/BOND CROSSOVER FIC WITH VERONICA AND MAC MEETING BOND AND Q? PLEASE TELL ME THIS HAPPENED.
  • So, appearances clearly aren’t everything, as Marcos was actually the host of a crude and cruel radio show that lambasted most of the students at Neptune High. Now there’s a motive. What if one of Marcos’s targets was getting revenge by harassing his parents?
  • We’re also given yet another twist in Logan’s case when Veronica puts two and two together and interrogates Weevil about the Fitzpatricks. However, her accusations of Weevil working with the Fitzpatricks has an unintended effect: Weevil realizes that someone is going behind his back and running operations in the PCH gang.
  • It’s interesting to me to see Weevil struggle to maintain control amidst his growing suspicions that not only is he losing control, but that he doesn’t actually agree with the direction his friends are taking the PCHers. As he lets his posse know he’s still in charge, he then spars verbally with Thumper, who reveals that he lied about seeing Felix get stabbed. Yeah, only Hector and Bootsy remained, and it was all a cover to make it seem like there were more witnesses present to prove Logan’s guilt.
  • I can tell that Weevil didn’t like hearing this at all, and I think it directly influences his decision to tell Thumper to do what he does later.
  • Which I’ll get to.
  • And freak out over.
  • BECAUSE OH MY GOD.
  • Back to Veronica and Mac! Their quest to find the radio signal of the Ahoy, Mateys show leads them straight to VICE PRINCIPAL CLEMMONS HOME. AND EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE IS JUST SO ENDLESSLY PERFECT. Oh my god, Clemmons is so amused that any girl is visiting his son. I CAN’T DEAL. IT’S SO HILARIOUS.
  • So, Vincent is back! It’s actually not surprising at all that he was the other half of the radio show because…well, it’s Vincent. He has a lot of reasons to hate the general populace of Neptune, and his dad is the Vice Principal, and it all just makes SENSE. What doesn’t make sense, though, is Marcos’s sudden disinterest in the show, which happened after he went to camp. Mr. Oliveres is extremely insistent that this has nothing to do with what’s happening to him and his wife, which is why Keith decides to stake out the Oliveres home to catch someone in the act. Honestly, at this point in the episode, I could not figure out what the hell was going on! Why? Why was this happening?
  • (How the hell do the writers keep coming up with such good mysteries? I swear.)
  • And then there’s hope! Someone enters the Oliveres house while Keith is there!
  • AND IT’S A FALSE ALARM. Because Mr. Oliveres has been allowing the neighbor to store beer at his house, which is just weird, but whatever. However, Keith still finds a yellow school bus in the aquarium, as well as a piece of Simon & Stern stationary that seems to implicate the school’s law firm. But how did this get in the aquarium without anyone noticing?
  • It’s an uncomfortable truth, but Keith has to confront Mr. Oliveres about what really happened: the father planted the last bus out of desperation.
  • GODDAMN THIS IS SO GRIM.
  • And I say that because the resolution of that part of the mystery bookends one of the most RELENTLESSLY SCARY THINGS THIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE. Logan is kidnapped by Thumper. Sorry, it was OBVIOUSLY him. His interrogation of Logan is just so awful and horrible. But is it weird to compliment Jason Dohring’s acting here? Like, I don’t want to say that I’m glad this scene happened, but it was just so satisfying to watch Dohring bring Logan to this terrified place, something we’d never actually seen before from him. GOD. This scene is going to be UNFORGETTABLE, I swear.
  • I wasn’t surprised that Weevil was behind this because it’s clear that he needed the truth. He couldn’t trust his own group of friends, though I suspect they haven’t realized that was his ultimate plan. So, I’m curious: Does this mean that Weevil believes Logan? Is he going to change his mind about who he believes killed Felix? Because if not, there’s going to be a goddamn war between these two, and Logan just got all the ammunition against Weevil that he needs to utterly destroy him.
  • It’s in the final third of “Ahoy, Mateys!” that the final pieces of the Marcos Oliveres puzzle come together. Veronica trusts her hunch that the camp Marcos got sent to had something to do with the change in his demeanor, and she discovers he was sent to a GAY CONVERSION CAMP.
  • OH.
  • OH MY GOD.
  • IT MAKES SENSE.
  • And y’all, before you question this, those things are real. My priest and godfather’s family wanted to send me to one. They used to be all over California, but we just passed a law making them illegal. So yeah, this is SO FUCKED UP.
  • It’s entirely possible that Marcos was bisexual, too, as he clearly wasn’t ready to identify as gay. However, his parents still caught him with Ryan, a fan of the radio show Marcos was on, and immediately shipped him off to a camp to alter his sexual orientation. The truly sad part about all of this is that Marcos was so desperate to win back his parents’ favor that he did anything he could to appear normal.
  • Like get on a bus to go to a baseball game so that his parents would think he was straight.
  • That’s how we learn the truth: Ryan wanted to make sure that Marcos’s parents were haunted by their son, since it was their homophobia that got him on that bus in the first place.
  • Just… I’ll reiterate what I said in the video. This is a complex situation, and not one person here is in the right or in good moral standing. It’s a mess, and the show doesn’t try to clean this up for us. Everyone is hurt here, and everyone lost Marcos, and there’s no easy end to it all. Ryan wanted to hurt Marcos’s grieving parents, and it certainly worked.
  • Wow, this shit is BLEAK AS FUCK.
  • Not content with shredding my heart to pieces, the writers end with an unfair fade-to-black after Duncan opens Meg’s letter. DAMN YOU ALL. THIS ISN’T FAIR.

The video commission for “Ahoy, Mateys!” can be downloaded right here for just $0.99.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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