Mark Predicts ‘Buffy’: Season 6

Good lord, I am going to be disgustingly unprepared for this. How? How?

First, though, let’s deal with my predictions for season five:

1) Tara and Willow will kiss onscreen. FUCK YES. 1/1

2) Xander will tell Anya that he loves her. IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. 2/2

3) Oz will not appear once. WHY DID I PREDICT THIS 3/3

4) Giles will get a job at UC Sunnydale. what 3/4

5) Willow will become good friends with someone at school. what the fuck 3/5

6) Willow will also become far more involved with slaying as she gets better at magic. Bonus points if Tara also plays a huge part. A;LDKJF;AKLSJD OH MY GOD. Bonus points count because of what Glory did to Tara. 5/6

7) At some point, Riley and Buffy will break up. FINALLY. AND GOOD RIDDANCE. 6/7

8 ) We will see both of Xander’s parents at the same time. This isn’t going to ever happen, is it? 6/8

9) Joyce Summers will start dating someone, and it will last the whole season. JUST PUSH ME OFF A CLIFF :: begins sobbing violently :: 6/9

10) Cordelia will crossover and appear on Buffy. I still want this to happen. 6/10

11) We will hear Faith’s name once, but we won’t see her. Bah. Bring back Faith. I love her. 6/11

12) Spike will get the chip out of his head by the end of season five. Nope. 6/12

13) Spike will kill a demon for the Scoobies in season five. YES. I GOT ONE RIGHT. 7/13

14) Time travel? Please? Sorry, I just like time travel more than most things. 7/14

15) Xander will also slay more demons/vampires than usual. Did he? Well, he cast a wrecking ball into Glory, so I’m counting this. 8/15

16) A large focus of season five will be on the conjuring of The First Slayer. what. 8/16

17) And my big guess for the huge development in this season is that both Giles and Buffy will rejoin the Watchers Council at some point. Hahahahahaah oh god this is kind of right? I mean, the Watchers Council did just outright disappear after “Checkpoint,” didn’t they? 9/17.

Okay, that wasn’t terrible. Better than usual! But that shall soon go the way of the buffalo. Oh god.

Mark’s Predictions for Season Six of Buffy

• Okay, let’s just go with the necessary first: the show will have to find a way to bring Buffy back from the dead.
• I also think Buffy herself won’t appear in the premiere episode? Maybe?
• God, what if this is just an entire season without Buffy? Okay, it won’t be, but it’s just a thought. THIS ISN’T A PREDICTION.
• I say that Willow will be the main person responsible for getting Buffy back.
• On that note, Willow will be in charge in Buffy’s absence.
• There will be an episode devoted to Xander and Anya’s glorious wedding!
• Giles will take a more direct role in the Summers family over the course of season six.
• I don’t know that I like it, but Spike and Buffy will at least go on a date once.
• Dawn will start learning magic from Willow. (I mean… what else can she do now that she survived? God, I hope no one else tries to use her as the Key again.)
• Buffy will not go back to college.
• I’m seriously drawing a blank here.
• That’s mostly because HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS SHOW GO ON. BUFFY DIED. WHAT THE FUCK.
• Okay, one episode about time travel. That’ll happen, right?
• Also, I want Cordelia to crossover and appear on Buffy again.
• God, this is horrible.
• Here’s my big prediction: we will see the new Slayer who was called upon Buffy’s death before the halfway point of season six.

Here’s to public failure!!!

(We are not starting season 3 of Angel tomorrow. Check the Master Schedule. I have a surprise for y’all.)

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