In the fourteenth episode of the second season of Veronica Mars, Veronica is hired by multiple people after the contents of a private site for students questioning their sexuality is used to blackmail them. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Veronica Mars.
OH NO.
Trigger Warning: Lots and lots of talk of homophobia in today’s post, so be warned!
- To provide some context for how I felt about this episode, I was outed when I was 18. It was the summer after graduation, though the events that brought about my outing started months before. To this day, I have no idea how it truly happened, and I’ll never actually know who actually did the deed. Unlike what Veronica uncovers here, there might not have even been a single source. I only came out to two people: My godfather and my priest. Both events were weeks apart themselves, and I was outed a week after what ended up being my first and only confession ever. That didn’t end well, as the Father angrily demanded that I allow my godfather’s parents to take me to a camp for “kids like me” that was out in the San Bernardino mountains. It was one of those conversion camps that is now banned in my state.
- I’ve written about the actual outing before (and now can’t remember which specific review it was… I think it was during The Amber Spyglass? Yep, just checked; I was right.) and that’s one of quite a few things that “Versatile Toppings” gets absolutely right. (THAT TITLE MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD OH MY GOD.) The fear depicted in the numerous queer and gay students in this episode is INCREDIBLE. Actually, the fact that this isn’t a story about a token gay kid, but at least nine gay/queer students, many of whom we actually meet, is just astounding. THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN ON TELEVISION.
- That’s not to say that this episode is without a couple problems, but oh lord, it’s like I’ve been dropped in the queer candy store because I don’t have to imagine the queerness on the screen anymore. IT’S RIGHT FUCKING THERE.
- Which should be a sign not just of how this show actively tries to be diverse, at least moreso than most of what I cover, but of the fact that there is a severe lack of queerness in the rest of television. I thirst for more because I rarely ever get any.
- Anyway, there are other plots here, too, including EVERYTHING IS AWKWARD FOREVER for Logan, and Keith’s continued investigation for Terrence Cook.
- However, most of my interest was on the main plot, since I kind of had a huge reason to be emotionally invested in it. I know exactly what it is like to be tormented about being gay, so that scene where Madison teased Marlena? Three billion percent not okay precisely. I measured it. It’s science. Is there any reason left to enjoy Madison as a character at all after this? Because she’s pretty much dead to me, as far as I’m concerned. And for what it’s worth, the writers certainly portray the outing as a terrible thing. Of course, that’s why I’m a bit confused about the ending, but we’ll get there later.
- Ryan is such a fascinating character because it’s easy to see that this guy set up this private, invite-only system so that other Neptune queers could find a way to help one another in the horribly homophobic environment of their high school and the city at large. If you think about where Neptune is fictionally located (at least 50-60 miles from San Diego), that means it is probably smack dab in Orange County, one of my LEAST FAVORITE PLACES IN THE UNIVERSE. Except Disneyland. That place is okay. Balboa County might be fictional, but Balboa Bay is near/in Newport Beach, and it’s kind of a perfect stand-in for what Neptune is. The playground of the rich, a beach town, and yet still diverse in some ways because it’s in Southern California.
- And it’s important to note how Veronica and Mac, both straight characters as far as we know, react to this. Veronica is immediately protective of these kids, and even though Ryan and the others offer to pay her, she doesn’t ever talk money once. (Which isn’t to say she wasn’t paid, but she definitely took on Kylie’s case without asking for any money.) She immediately calls out Dick and his friend with terrible hair (IT WAS SO AWFUL) for their gross fetishism of Kylie and Marlena. BLESS YOU.
- Okay, so you know Carmen’s bit about “coconuts”? First of all, WAY TO BRING CARMEN BACK IN THIS CAMEO. I’ll forever love how Veronica Mars does this all the damn time. Anyway, that is barely fiction. I wasn’t called a coconut, but there was a pejorative term I was called all the time growing up: un pocho. (And for an extra dose of homophobia, most guys actually used the feminine term, pocha, to refer to me because it was extra derogatory!) I’ve since learned it actually has different meanings across the United States and Mexico, but for me, it was a way for other kids to purposely strip me of my Latino identity. I was raised and socialized to be “white” by my mother, which led to so much confusion and pain that I’m still dealing with the ramifications of it to this day. Despite having brown skin and looking like a lot of the people I grew up with, many refused to accept me as one of their own because I wasn’t raised with Spanish, because I wasn’t part of this culture, and because the way I spoke sounded “white.” I spent six years learning Spanish, converting to Catholicism, and doing everything I could to gain a lot of acceptance I ultimately never got. It’s… rough. That’s the easiest way to explain it. It’s never easy, so yeah. CARMEN, I AM HERE FOR YOU. LET’S BE BEST FRIENDS.
- So I imagine, then, that Arturo’s idea of impressing the PCHers was to take down some of the Coconuts because…well, actually, Arturo really doesn’t make a lot of sense. Which is the point? He’s a confused, misguided asshole, and there’s really no logic to him choosing to provide fake pizza orders by picking on the Coconuts. They’ll never find out he was doing it? Plus, he’s just a jerk who deserved to be taped to a stop sign with his confession waiting for Deputy Sachs. I’m so happy that Veronica didn’t let him off the hook. He tasered numerous people!!! Including Corny and CORNY IS THE MOST HARMLESS THING IN ALL OF NEPTUNE.
- So if Arturo didn’t blackmail anyone, and Kyle’s attack was a copycat, then DUN DUN DUN WHAT’S GOING ON?
- Boy, I sure love these multi-level mysteries, I swear.
- MAC. MAC. Mac, who trust Veronica all the time, resists letting her see Ryan’s community because she knows that their identities need to remain a secret. MAC, MY HERO. <3
- And I love that when Veronica figures out that Kelly faked the accident to get insurance money to pay off being blackmailed, she refuses to out Kelly either. YOU ARE GOOD PEOPLE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. Oh god, Kelly’s story just makes me sad. This is how desperate he is to stay in the closet while still at school!!!
- And then I’m just confused. The reveal that Kylie was behind this all just…doesn’t make a whole lot of sense? Which is fine, as Kylie’s motivations – to raise money for college and to out Marlena so that they could both be out – isn’t all that sensical. But surely someone like Kylie would understand how terrifying it would feel to be outed? And surely she doesn’t think that TRAUMATIZING HER GIRLFRIEND IS A GREAT WAY TO CONVINCE HER TO COME OUT? This isn’t analyzed at all within the script and it just left me feeling all frowny-faced. Can we not?
- But there’s also a lot more to “Versatile Toppings” than this story. I’m glad that the writers didn’t wait to have Hannah confront Logan about…well, the most awkward thing possible between them. My god, that first scene at her house where Dr. Griffith walked in… I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO MURDER LOGAN WITH HIS LASER EYES. This needed to happen, though, because it helped Hannah to understand that Logan did not initiate this relationship to get to the witness in his case; that was just a coincidence.
- It’s fascinating that the writers chose to focus some of this from Hannah’s perspective, too! We get absolute confirmation that Dr. Griffith is a cocaine user, and in the process, Hannah has to find out that her father is not who he says he is. So what else is he lying about? I imagine that Logan is right, that Dr. Griffith was paid to be the perfect witness. OH GOD, SHIT IS SO REAL.
- And then there’s Terrence. Keith goes to great lengths to follow his hunch for Terrence, despite that it’s entirely possible that Terrence will disappoint him again. Y’all, I love that Terrence is not an easy character for us, and he’s not an easy person to deal with for Keith either. The man has done some indisputably awful things, and the case against him won’t need to be more than circumstantial. He’s got such a long list of corruption, cheating, and misconduct behind him that any jury would look upon him poorly. So it means a lot that Keith still tried to find irrefutable evidence that Terrence did not blow up that bus.
- Of course, that’s all kind of destroyed by two things. First, Sheriff Lamb doesn’t even flinch after Keith reveals that he has a copy of the super illegal conversation Lamb had with Terrence. HE DOESN’T CARE. So what if he loses his job? What the hell Lamb. I admit I didn’t see that coming.
- But the surprise reveal at the end of “Versatile Toppings” is the worst part. WHY ARE THERE EXPLOSIVES AND DETONATORS IN THAT HANGAR? Are they Terrence’s, or was Woody Goodman storing them there??? WHY WOULD GOODMAN EVEN WANT TO BLOW UP THE BUS?
- EVERYTHING HURTS. Poor Jackie, y’all. COULD YOU IMAGINE SEEING THAT IF YOU WERE HER?
- This goddamn show, I swear.
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