Mark Watches ‘Veronica Mars’: S02E03 – Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang

In the third episode of the second season of Veronica Mars, Beaver hires Veronica to track his stepmother, which unearths a mess of a conspiracy; meanwhile, Veronica also deals with the confusing appearance of her name on Curly Moran’s hand. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Veronica Mars.

HOW??? THIS SEASON IS SO AMAZING ALREADY. MAKE IT STOP.

  • Let me get it out of the way: THAT WAS ORNETTE HOWARD. That’s where I knew him from! Okay, NOW WE CAN CONTINUE.
  • God, what an exhilarating episode. This is thirty minutes of set-up, and then twelve minutes of EVERY HOUSE OF CARDS BEING SNEEZED ON. Because seriously, that metaphor is so perfect for what we see here: COMPLETE AND UTTER CHAOS. In the span of just a few scenes, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL AND UPSETTING and this is only the third episode of season two. There are NINETEEN MORE. Oh my god, bless this show, and bless the writers for making things so exciting right off the bat.
  • AND THERE IS STILL SO MUCH TALK OF CLASS DYNAMICS AT HAND. Initially, the use of the FBLA group explores this, and it’s not a coincidence that every person in that group is a white male, and it perfectly exemplifies the issue of money in Neptune. These are the people who will make the most money and share the least of it with those who need it the most. On top of that, that’s how these social groups form, too! It’s part networking, and these boys will group up learning to support one another and no one else.
  • There’s more evidence in “Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang” (THESE EPISODE TITLES, I SWEAR) that Cassidy is the one Casablancas family member who is left out of everything. Sure, he lives a life of privilege, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad for him. He’s ignored and dismissed all the time. Clearly, Dick is the favorite son, and parental favoritism can be brutal.
  • Like season one, this season is already seeding multiple story arcs all at once, and the writers deftly twist them around one another. Initially, I thought the discovery of Curly’s body would be the focus of this episode, but it’s largely in the background while Veronica goes after Kendall. HAHAHA SO UNPREPARED.
  • CASUAL REMINDER THAT ALICIA WAS VERY RELUCTANT TO GO TO CHICAGO, AND INITIALLY, I THOUGHT THAT WAS BECAUSE SHE WASN’T CERTAIN ABOUT HER ROLE IN KEITH’S LIFE, BUT NOW I KNOW IT WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID OF BEING RECOGNIZED BY… ACTUALLY, I DON’T KNOW WHO. BUT STILL.
  • !!!!!!!! HOW DOES THIS SHOW KEEP DOING THIS TO ME !!!!!!!
  • (A criticism, though: Can we not constantly refer to women as bimbos? Thanks, Veronica.)
  • Moment of perfection #1: Veronica revealing her love of unicorns to her father. I cannot fucking deal with these two.
  • I also should have known that Kendall was making it too easy for Veronica to track her. Not that she was aware of Veronica following her, per se, but the fact that her going into that hotel room with the trainer was way too simple. This is Veronica Mars, folks! Things are never that easy.
  • Okay, I have a lot of very complicated things to say about Jackie. I was a little disappointed that the show so readily made her and Veronica so antagonistic, but with reflection, it’s not like this should be surprising. Honestly, Wallace has been there for Veronica throughout all her romantic ups and downs with 09ers and Leo. It seemed kind of suspect that Veronica would then be hesitant to support Wallace when he genuinely was interested in someone who is an 09er herself. However, there are elements to Jackie’s characterization that justify suspicion on Veronica’s part. I personally must admit that I don’t like it when people are rude to those in the service industry, so it’s not like I don’t understand Veronica’s bias here. Jackie was SUPER INAPPROPRIATE! Veronica was also on her break! However, Veronica came to realize that she had to help out her best friend, even if it meant she’d have to spend more time with someone she didn’t like. I respected that a lot, and I felt like it addressed my concerns for Veronica’s behavior.
  • Moment of perfection #2: Wallace’s wink. Swoon.
  • So yeah, I didn’t even realize that Kendall was swapping gym bags until Cassidy pointed it out. Hell, even Veronica didn’t catch that!
  • Hey, guess what’s uncomfortable? Any reference to Aaron Echolls forever. And despite recognizing what a very-not-good-totally-awful thing it was that Curly once met Aaron, I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHERE THIS WAS GOING. OH NO, OH MY GOD.
  • Yeah, this episode also forced me to acknowledge that Logan, who normally can be pretty sympathetic, is 100% inexcusable. His comment to Duncan is so horribly gross that I can’t feel bad for him at all. Holy shit, I get that he feels like Duncan wasn’t there for him during the summer, but Duncan made a good point: HIS FAMILY/LIFE WAS KIND OF A MESS BECAUSE OF LOGAN’S FATHER. It’s awkward! There’s a lot of shit going on here! And making a thinly veiled reference to Duncan and Veronica’s drug-fueled hooking up HELPS NO ONE AND IS REALLY INAPPROPRIATE.
  • Anyway, back to Jackie! I still felt weird about what was going on because while I completely get the irritation Veronica feels, hasn’t Wallace had to sit through the same thing? But let’s say he hadn’t. That’s more of an assumption than anything else. Veronica struggles with what she sees as Wallace’s worth. Wallace is so sweet and genuine, and she perceives Jackie as being the antithesis to him in every respect. The concern she expresses might come from a loving place, but it’s still… shaky? WELL, AT THE TIME IT WAS, BUT THEN OTHER THINGS HAPPEN, AND NOW I’M JUST SAD.
  • We move back to Veronica trailing Kendall, swapping out her iPod with Kendall’s, and then the writers drop the Sandpiper Hotel in our laps and what the fuck just happened. No, this was just a case of adultery! WHAT THE FUCK, NOW THIS IS ABOUT REAL ESTATE FRAUD?
  • THE “TRAINER” IS ACTUALLY THE COUNTY ASSESSOR.
  • WHAT THE HELL, BOTH OF THE CASABLANCASES ARE CORRUPT, OH MY GOD.
  • Y’ALL. That scene with Mr. Pope is NOT OKAY FOREVER AND EVER. I don’t care how cheesy it is. When he took down that photo of the sailboat, I WAS CRUSHED. The guy couldn’t even bring himself to sell his stock because he knew he’d be hurting someone else. Wow, not okay.
  • Oh, and then there’s Chicago. And Alicia. OR IS IT CHERIE? Look, at this point in the episode, I was juggling like six plot lines, and then I have to suddenly deal with the fact that once Alicia went by another name AND SOMEONE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT IS LOOKING FOR HER, AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. WHAT.
  • I still don’t get why the karaoke scene was so long. Man, that was awkward.
  • Actually, no, it wasn’t, because what happens after this is a billion times more awkward. Jackie arrives to Veronica’s job with another man. Okay, OKAY. You are going to break Wallace’s heart, Jackie, and that is not okay. Oh god, and the way Jackie behaves is so scary because she’s clearly daring Veronica to tell Wallace that she’s seeing someone else. Damn it, I wanted to like Jackie!
  • AND THEN VERONICA RETURNS TO FIND OUT THAT LOGAN WAS THE GUY SLEEPING WITH KENDALL
  • NO, OH SHIT.
  • VERONICA WENT TO LOGAN’S HOUSE. It’s happening, IT’S HAPPENING ALREADY.
  • Holy shit, the argument they have was just riveting to watch. It calls back to what I spoke of in yesterday’s review: this is a cycle. Veronica mistrusts Logan so much at this point, but this is also indicative of Logan’s destructive tendencies, so much so that Veronica calls him out on it. He’s a rich boy with a death wish. He’s a walking cliche! And Veronica has to wipe her hands of him at this point because she can’t be involved in his destructive machinations.
  • Oh god, I didn’t understand the connection Veronica had made when she saw the poster for The Long Haul. IT’S TOO MUCH
  • AND THEN THE HOUSE OF CARDS CONTINUES TO CRUMBLE BECAUSE CASSIDY TOOK THE PHOTOS OF LOGAN TO HIS FATHER. HE TRIED TO PROTECT HIS FATHER AND INSTEAD, HIS FATHER LITERALLY ORDERS HIS BUSINESS DESTROYED AND ESCAPES IN A FUCKING HELICOPTER. Could you even imagine what that must be like for Cassidy? He was so desperate for his father’s attention, AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN HE TRIED TO GET IT.
  • OH. RIGHT. CURLY WAS A STUNT MAN FOR AARON ECHOLLS AND ONCE DROVE A TRUCK OFF A BRIDGE.
  • THE BUS CRASH WAS MEANT FOR VERONICA
  • STOP IT, SHOW. STOP IT.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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