In the twenty-first episode of the third season of Voyager, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EPISODE? Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Star Trek.
This was both AN EXPERIENCE as well as A SUPER GREAT CHARACTER STUDY. I still have questions, y’all. They are very important!
Will Kes have hair from this point on?
Clearly, I’m asking the important things first, right? The wig on the oldest version of Kes was pretty bad, but I kind of like her long, flowing locks. It’s a great look on her.
Who thought it was a good idea to make Harry the son-in-law of Tom?
That’s a terrible thing. Awkward and unfortunate and one of the weirder things this show has ever done, but not the weirdest thing. STILL. WHAT THE FUCK. Like, I get that this is an alternate view of the future, and I get that there are slim pickings aboard the Voyager, but… oh hell, who cares? It’s an alternate future, one that Kes avoided by traveling backwards through time and getting the original cell she started off as to travel forward in time to the point that she was cured.
Seriously, why did Kes continue to travel backwards through her life after the Doctor started treating her?
Did this happen because he wasn’t curing her fast enough, and she just coincidentally happened to be cured right as she reached the fetal stage of her existence? I think??? Look, I gotta commend this show for taking Kes’s travel backwards so far because I honestly did not expect them to do that. THAT WAS SOME WILD SHIT, Y’ALL.
So was Andrew Kim, wasn’t he?
I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I found it kinda funny that Andrew and Linnis’s kid was somehow darker than the two of them. Go space genetics, I guess?
No, but seriously, how was Linnis a full-grown adult in just a few years?
I am going to propose the theory that since Linnis is half-Ocampan, this meant she did age faster than a human, but less than an Ocampan. Or… maybe she aged at the same rate? This is left completely unacknowledged throughout the script and it’s frankly kind of distracting, but there were other things more distracting, so it’s not that big of a deal.
When did the Doctor discover how to give himself hair?
Also unacknowledged. Also weird. Also one of the delightfully bizarre things about “Before and After” that makes it so much fun.
WHO DECIDED TO KILL OFF JANEWAY AND B’ELANNA?
BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY. WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING? HURTING ME PERSONALLY, Y’ALL. PERSONALLY. AND I WON’T FORGET THIS, KENNETH BILLER.
The “Year of Hell” thing is pretty cool, isn’t it?
Aside from killing off the two super best characters ever…. yeah, it’s actually pretty fucking awesome. A gritty choice for the show, but one that helped to establish the horror of this alternate timeline. That image of Voyager with literal gaping holes in its hull was haunting, as was the makeshift sickbay and watching Janeway and B’Elanna die. God, what a disturbing concept.
So, how long does Kes have left now?
According to the end of this episode, she’s now three years and two months old, I believe. I thought earlier canon established that Ocampans live seven years, not nine? Bah, my memory for tiny details like this isn’t the best, but hey, at least when it comes to math, that means that she can at least survive the next four seasons, right? Because I would have started getting worried about her.
Is no one going to talk about Kes and Neelix splitting?
Is the entirety of the Voyager crew in denial? Do Kes and Neelix even know that they split up??? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THEM, I’M CONCERNED.
Did I like this episode?
Yeah, I did. A lot. And I know a lot of it is bullshit, but I don’t care. Stay weird, Voyager. It makes you so much more endearing.
The video for “Before and After” can be downloaded here for $0.99.
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