In the fourteenth episode of the second season ofÂ iZombie, this is a show you should be watching because it will ruin your life. Intrigued? Then itâ€™s time for Mark to watchÂ iZombie.
I am in awe of how this show is able to escalate the massively serialized plot in season two. Somehow, yâ€™all, there areÂ five more episodesÂ after â€œEternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind.â€ FIVE. MORE. EPISODES. Meaning that I probably havenâ€™t seenÂ shitÂ compared to whatÂ iZombieÂ has in store for me.
Letâ€™s chat. Loudly. AND WITH FORCE.
Drake works for Vice. Drake is undercover. Drake never killed Terrell Johnson, he is totally aware of everything heâ€™s done, there is no ignorance here, and heâ€™s been quietly plotting to take down Stacey Boss this entire fucking time. OH, BY THE WAY, HEâ€™S ALSO A ZOMBIE AND HEâ€™S ALSO PROTECTING BLAINE AND LIV AND THERE IS NOW NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT HE ADORES LIV AND IS WILLING TO SACRIFICE HIS CAREER AND HIS COVER FOR LIV MOORE AND MY HEART IS UNABLE TO HANDLE THIS. Of course, pair that with the billion other reveals in this episode, and Iâ€™m surprised Iâ€™m still corporeal, friends.
My god, his character just became a billion times more interesting. Do you realize the level of secrets weâ€™re working with here? The parallels between Liv and Drake? Liv has to constantly pretend to be human for the Seattle PD, and GUESS WHO ALSO HAS TO DO THE SAME THING. Liv has had to protect her true identity from others because sheâ€™s never quite sure what theyâ€™ll do with that information and GUESS WHO ALSO HAS TO DO THE SAME THING. Yâ€™all, I canâ€™t. I CANâ€™T BELIEVE THIS, and yet it fits so well. It explains a great deal about Drake and what we saw of him at his motherâ€™s house. HE WANTS TO BE A GOOD PERSON AND BE NICE AND CHANGE THE WORLD ANDÂ oh my god I canâ€™t do this.
Enrico Colantoni is inÂ iZombie. That alone ruined me.
I expected a dramatic showdown between Stacey Boss and Blaine at the end of this season. Thatâ€™s what this show was barreling towards, wasnâ€™t it? The old employee takes over the employerâ€™s domain! (OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED THAT THE COFFEE SHOP DRAMA BETWEEN STAN AND LESLIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PARALLEL FOR BLAINE/STACEY. JUST THROW ME OFF A CLIFF NOW, HOLY SHIT.) And even after Mr. Bossâ€™s henchman put together theÂ ChinatownÂ reference and they both realized that Blaine was behind the D.A.â€™s interference, I still expected that, at best, the same henchman would go after Blaine and die. It would start the war between the two of them, and Seattle would be their playground, and then theyâ€™d face off at the end of the season!
This showed just laughed in my face. Laughed and then bound Blaine and had Mr. Boss threaten Blaine and I swear to you, I thought that â€œGod momentâ€ bit was leading to Mr. Boss giving Blaine one last chance to right his wrong, and it didnâ€™t go there, and I thought (OUT LOUD, I MIGHT ADD), â€œWell, they canâ€™t kill Blaine off, heâ€™s too important to the show,â€ and then â€“
Itâ€™s brilliant to me that this show can create an unknowable situation like this. The shock of Blaineâ€™s murder still stung; I like David Andersâ€™s performance of him so much that I still wanted to see him on the show. Yet what happened to a recently cured zombie when theyÂ died? Did they return to life? Or was their death now permanent? Had Ravi mistakenly created another anti-zombie tool?
Nope. Cured zombies donâ€™t die; they return as their undead selves. Whichâ€¦ oh shit, Major, this isnâ€™t going to be good. Is it???
Somehow, amidst this jam-packed and mind-bending story, thereâ€™s a parody of ridiculous coffee shops, which reminded me specifically of one of the most annoying branch of restaurants Iâ€™ve ever attended: Cafe Gratitude. Look, when I was a vegan, they were highly recommended. Some of the tastiest and healthiest food you could get as a vegan! While I wonâ€™t disagree with that (and Gracias Madre was the best thing those people did), I really, really came to despise their outward positivity and their ridiculous dish names. This show couldÂ barelyÂ scratch the surface of the bizarre brand of organic positivity that truly exists in the world. Did you know that if you wanted some tempeh tacos, youâ€™d have to order â€œI Am Transformedâ€? Or maybe you wanted some pesto noodles, and you would have to ask for â€œI am Liberated.â€ I once went to one of their locations where they refused to serve you unless you used these specific names.
Nothing quite like forcing positivity onto others! There was also the unfortunate bit about Cafe Gratitude being attached to the eternally creepy Landmark Forum, and now Iâ€™ve convinced myself this show is totally referencing that. Holy shit, Iâ€™m having so many revelations while writing this review!
Seeing Liv act positive and cheery wasâ€¦ weird. Seriously! I like her being openly cynical and caustic. ITâ€™S SO MUCH FUN. But for a moment, Liv believes that her future is going to be fine. You know why itâ€™s crushing to watch? Because we know itâ€™s not going to be that way, and if youâ€™ll excuse me a moment, Iâ€™ll just curl up here and cry myself to sleep.
EXCEPT MAJOR WAS HOME WHEN RITA GOT THERE AND THEN HE FOUND THE ABSOLUTE BEST WAY TO TELL LIV THAT SHE IS THE WOMAN HE SLEPT WITH AND IT IS ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE SCENES OF THE WHOLE SERIES AND I DESPERATELY NEED THEM TO TALK ABOUT IT ANDÂ HOW IS LIV NOT GOING TO STRAIGHT-UP MURDER RITA AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT EPISODE.
Tune in next week, where Iâ€™ll be unable to handle it yet again.
The video for â€œEternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mindâ€ can be downloadedÂ here for $0.99.
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