Mark Watches ‘Veronica Mars’: S03E09 – Spit & Eggs

In the ninth episode of the third season of Veronica Mars, I truly have no words left to describe this experience, but goddamn it, I’M GONNA FIND THEM. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Veronica Mars.

Trigger Warning: For talk of rape.

• I know it seems kind of redundant to say that I’ve had issues with this season because… well, just read my reviews. It’s all there. At the same time, I am enjoying season three! It’s all complicated and layered and such, but I have no qualms about saying that I LOVED THIS EPISODE. The writers not only gave us a thrilling and terrifying story, they surprised the hell out of me by RESOLVING THE MAIN MYSTERY. In episode nine!!!! WHAT THE HELL.
• Oh, was that enough? HERE’S A NEW ONE THAT’S UPSETTING AS WELL.
• My god, just from the in media res opening, you get the sense that this is not going to be a normal episode of Veronica Mars, and this is yet another example of how well this form of storytelling works. Despite that we know that Veronica is running away from someone, ostensibly the Hearst rapist, we know none of the details. And we don’t get all of the pieces of the puzzle UNTIL AFTER THAT SCENE. Oh god, even when we think the identity of the rapist has been revealed, NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE.
• There’s a lot to talk about here, so let’s get into it.
• Hey, was the cold open upsetting? Then let’s open with Logan breaking up with Veronica. Because why spread out all the heartbreak and the shock? Let’s just put pain into every second of this episode.
• I was actually kind of prepared for this breakup since I theorized that Veronica and Logan couldn’t last that much longer in their current state, and then Logan outright confirms that here. It was a sad scene, but it was surprisingly tender. They didn’t argue, they didn’t fight, and I got the feeling that Logan truly meant to try and keep Veronica as a friends. The break-up hurt, but I think that’s what he meant by the “survivable pain” now versus the “unbearable pain” later. What’s the most unbearable pain Logan can imagine? Not having Veronica in his life at all.
• Oh god, I’m just thinking how surreal it must be to rewatch this show and realize how Logan’s going to grow to need Veronica in his life. It’s too much.
• So, this is a rhetorical question, but does Dick ever get… better? He’s so (to borrow a word from Veronica) repugnant all of the time. I thought that the direction hinted at in this season’s premiere would have come to fruition by now, but nope. Dick’s breakdown at Logan’s door seems to have been a single moment of clarity. He’s just so consistently gross? And I admit that I wanted to see more from his character because Ryan Hansen is so talented! So… what’s going on with that?
• I had a lot of things to say about Weevil and Dean O’Dell’s friendship but they’re all pointless because everything hurts. So I’ll get to that scene at the end, as well as all the possible clues for… the thing. The thing.
• I think this season is vastly underusing Wallace and Mac, but it was nice that they turned up here to offer so much support for Veronica. Initially, they’re there to tell her that she can turn to them in the wake of her break-up, and then they glare at ill-timed Piz. POOR PIZ HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WALKED INTO.
• Petition: I need an international warning system that activates whenever Kristen Bell is going to cry in anything ever because nope. God, her crying face is not okay???
• Admittedly, while she was crying in the shower and I was trying to desperately hold it together myself, all I could think was, “Well, at least no one can see your tears in the shower.” I feel like Veronica would appreciate this.
• I’d also like to take a moment to appreciate the small detail that was the devout white Christian girl claiming that she was a minority – possibly an oppressed one!!! – while saying that the African-Americans and the gays are totally the ones with the better lot in life. While she might be a minority in the technical demographic sense at a liberal arts university, I’m so happy that the show played this moment for humor while the girl sat next to a black dude. I half expected him to start cracking up at this. Because look, I’m not a big fan of trashing religion or spirituality, and I definitely hate the larger atheist/skeptic community because it’s been overshadowed by the bigoted white dudes who think their atheism is a shield against them being awful people. But girl, you are not oppressed, at least not in the context of that place or in the larger context of the United States.
• Parker!!! IT’S PARKER, OH MY GOD. See, this is how I wish the show had treated the other victims of rape and the feminists. Parker is clearly working for a feminist organization, Take Back the Night, and she has a vested interest in preventing more rapes on campus. Her organization is handing out drink-testing coasters, which is a fantastic way of spreading awareness without saying that drinking or parties or frats should be outright banned! The freedom of choice is protected, Parker or her organization are never vilified, and it’s an even-handed look at the issue. I just wish we’d gotten more out of this, you know? Not that I’m complaining about how much time is devoted to Logan, Veronica, and Keith. They make up the core of the show. I get that! But there’s just so little of the side characters this season when compared to the past two.
• OH MY GOD, VERONICA KILLED SHERIFF LAMB IN HER PAPER. BLESS HER FOREVER.
• So, while I just complained about the lack of the primary side characters in the main story, I must somewhat contradict myself because this season definitely keeps up the tradition of creating a believable cast of recurring characters. Because it’s Tim! Tim is back, and the episode calls back to his slightly creepy board chronicling the facts of the Hearst rapist. Bless Veronica for calling out Tim on trying to be more concerned about taking credit for breaking the case rather than caring about the actual victims.
• This is also how the show plants a red herring that I fell for later in the episode. By making Tim’s girlfriend Bonnie, we get that absolutely horrifying scene where Tim freaks out on his GF and says that he’s been with a bunch of different girls, too. AND FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS, I WAS LIKE WAIT. WAIT. WAS HE TRACKING THE HEARST RAPIST CASE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HEARST RAPIST.
• There was an attempt, y’all. And I was so wrong. SO WRONG.
• For the record, the awkward conversation I had to have with my lovely RA was about who was leaving used condoms in the shower over and over again. Oh, that was a lovely day.
• Veronica’s friends are THE BEST FRIENDS. Despite making jokes or giving Veronica a hard time about her constant requests, Piz, Wallace, and Mac all sign up to patrol the Pi Sig party and test the drinks of all the drunk women in order to protect them. There you go, that is fucking wonderful, and I’m so proud of these characters. YOU ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
• Chip, you are not. FAKE COASTERS? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???
• Also IT’S DREW. FROM LAST SEASON. Oh my god, the casting for Veronica Mars is so ridiculous that it’s set the bar super high for every show ever. Other TV shows? Get on Veronica Mars‘s level. YOU CAN’T.
• Who hires a Neil Diamond tribute band for a frat party? Apparently the Pi Sigmas.
• Not that I dislike Neil Diamond or anything, it was just weird!
• MAC. MAC IS MY HERO. SHE CLEARLY GIVES NOT ONE FUCK, AND I LOVE IT.
• Clearly, neither does Piz, because his dance is… I don’t even know. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.
• It’s really not long after this that this episode reaches stratospheric levels of terror and suspense. Veronica’s plan to test as many drinks as possible proves to work when Piz and Wallace discover a drink with GHB in it. IT’S HAPPENING. And we know that this has to happen because of the cold open. Veronica is going to get into some sort of confrontation with someone that leaves her bloodied and terrified. BUT WHO? WHO WAS DOING THIS? Who drugged Kim Kaiser?
• I did like that little moment where Veronica let go of her need to run straight to the most dangerous place possible and instead let Logan track down Kim. EXCEPT IT ULTIMATELY DIDN’T MATTER OH GOD.
• KIM WASN’T THERE. IT WAS HER LITTLE SISTER. WHO STAYS ON CAMPUS.
• AND THEN THE FULL THING HITS VERONICA: MERCER’S SHOW AT THE PARTY WAS PRE-RECORDED.
• My god, that may be the worst fucking part of this. Unlike the previous two mysteries, the actual perpetrator was HIGHLY SUSPECTED THE WHOLE TIME. Parker was right about the cologne; Veronica was right about the radio show; and she was right about Mercer’s alibis being UTTERLY FUCKING BOGUS.
• NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. HE’S THE WORST.
• And let this stand to show that rape is about power. Mercer isn’t doing this to get laid; he’s doing it out of a misogynist hatred for these girls. He feels like they owe him their bodies without any of the effort to get to know them. His entire schtick here – and what we see from him towards his accomplice – is about power. He wants to wield it in every way that he can. Haven’t we seen that throughout this season? His casino, his rudeness, his belief that he should get away with burning down a hotel.
• Much like Veronica’s fight with Aaron Echolls, I was completely disturbed by her battle with Mercer as she did whatever she could to disarm him. SHE STABS HIM WITH A FUCKING UNICORN. OH MY GOD!!!! And I also don’t want to ignore that she puts herself in danger to save Carrie.
• And yet, despite that the first scene is finally put into its proper context, I had no reason to suspect what was actually going on. Let the record state: just a couple episodes ago, I wondered what was up with Moe and his tea thing. IT WAS RIGHT THERE. So was Moe’s admission that he was part of Dr. Kinny’s prison experiment, WHICH BROUGHT THESE TWO RAPISTS TOGETHER.
• GOOD FUCKING GOD.
• There were two of them. Moe drugged the women whenever Mercer had an alibi, and Mercer did the dead. I never thought there were TWO PEOPLE AT WORK. Jesus.
• WAIT DIDN’T MERCER DRESS UP AS ALEX FROM A CLOCKWORK ORANGE AT THE HALLOWEEN PARTY
• I AM SO DONE WITH THIS SHOW
• Oh my god, I must compliment the way that the scene where Veronica, drugged, hides in Moe’s closet and discovers a hammer and THE HAIR OF PREVIOUS VICTIMS. The use of light in that sequence is so haunting and disorienting and goddamn this show. It makes me feel visceral pain!
• I love that it turns out that Parker is the one to save Veronica. She’s the one who hears the rape whistle and then cries “Rape!” upon seeing Mercer. She’s the one who gets the other students to come out of their dorm room and finds Veronica. And it’s a poetic touch because Veronica couldn’t save Parker from Mercer at the beginning of the season, but she does save Veronica in the end.
• Oh my god, I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED THIS. BRAVO, VERONICA MARS.
• I know it’s foolish and impractical, but I kind of love that Logan purposely gets arrested so that he’ll end up in the same cell as Mercer and Moe. Y’all are dead. IT’S GONNA HAPPEN.
• That leaves me with Dean O’Dell, who I’ve ignored on purpose. I think it’s pretty obvious that the narrative is shifting towards the mystery of his death, which is part of the shock of “Spit & Eggs.” I honestly thought the mystery of the rapist would last for all twenty episodes this season, but NOPE. NOPE.
• Dean O’Dell’s story is a complex one, given that he had to deal with the upsetting discovery that his wife was cheating on him. But the writers also cleverly provide us with a number of possible killers. Could it be the alumnus who approached O’Dell about the closing of the Greek system? Maybe it’s his wife, or it’s Professor Landry, both of whom might have survived their confrontation with Dean O’Dell, since we don’t know what happened during with that scene. Was it one of the Lilith House girls retaliating against him for voting in favor of the Greek charters?
• Here’s the unfortunate part of this: I bet you a million dollars that Weevil will be fingered for the crime right off the bat. He discovered the body, he’s an ex-con, and it’s a whole lot easier to blame the Latino ex-con than anyone else.
• UGH. Just… damn it. This show!!! I’m so excited to see where it’s going next.

The video commission for “Spit & Eggs” can be downloaded here for $0.99.

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