In the ninth episode of the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica, the rebel Cylons and the human allies head toward the Resurrection Hub to decide the fate of the entire Cylon race. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Battlestar Galactica.
(This review is dedicated to my TV-watching, fandom loving friend Jessica, who continues to prove to me how much fun it is to overthink everything in the world.)
How Battlestar Galactica Has Taken Away My Ability to “Can”
Because I Cannot Deal With Anything Anymore
what the fuck did i just watch
- Oh, so the Hybrid is jumping because Natalie was killed. GREAT.
- Roslin has visions during these jumps, where she sees Head Elosha, and I continue to both love and feel bewildered by the existence of all these character visions. I cannot deal.
- Roslin’s visions force her to watch herself die. BSG, how can you do these things to me???
- One of the Eights has accessed Athena’s memories out of curiosity, and we get a scene where that Eight massages Helo in the same way as his wife, and it’s both awkward and kind of touching at the same time. This show repeatedly makes me feel two conflicting emotions at the same time, and I don’t know how it expects me to cope with this. You just hand me these things, and then you run away. This is not fair.
- Roslin sets up a plan to double-cross the Cylon alliance by having Helo bring Three to her directly instead of to the Cylons. And whether she realizes this or not, she’s playing directly into his recent fear of denying orders given to him. Seriously, think about that. He disobeyed Starbuck’s orders (even though she turned out to be right) and it caused Gaeta to lose his leg. He’s not going to mutiny against her and do the same thing again. OH GOD, THIS SHOW. I swear.
- Oh christ, Cavil and Boomer already pre-emptively unboxed D’Anna. This is not good. This cannot end well. I simply cannot.
- The Raptor pilots aren’t even pretending to be civil with their Cylon allies. Redwing alone is about ready to tear them apart. See, this show constantly makes me yell at my screen. “JUST GET ALONG FOR HALF A SECOND.” But then I have to remind myself that for a lot of the humans, they have to personal interaction with Cylons and to them, they represent the face of the beings that destroyed their friends and their family.
- Even amidst the chaos and awfulness of all this, this show still has room to play absurdity for laughs. There are few things more beautiful than Roslin and Baltar both yelling over one another to get the Hybrid to talk to them. How does this show keep doing this? Did the writers sell their souls to Satan? I would accept the belief in Satan if this was proven. Then I would offer my soul to him as well in order to even attempt to write something this compelling and entertaining.
- On the same note, is there not a better visual metaphor for all that Baltar stands for than him trying to preach to a Centurion? The man will do anything to get someone on his side.
- The return of Three and Lucy Flawless means that the quality of this show just increased 400%. This is pure science.
- And on that, I love that she is just like, “WHATEVER, I KNOW THE FINAL FIVE, I’LL TELL YOU, NEENER NEENER NEENER.” god she is perfect why am i not her.
- Oh, and when Cavil tells her that she needs to stop the rebels because by destroying the Hub, they’ll all be mortal, Three immediately kills Cavil. I mean, HOW BADASS IS THAT. Like, what a direct message to send. She doesn’t give a shit at all.
- oh so that’s how Pike jumped into range while dead. Jesus christ, this show.
- The battle to destroy the Resurrection Hub is, as are most battles on this show, a goddamn work of art. I will never apologize for finding the special effects impressive. The way that this show can convey the chaos of battle without making things appear incoherent and sloppy is just a beautiful thing, okay?
- I love Helo’s constant moral crisis and you cannot take that away from me. This might even belong on another list because it’s the only thing here that holds me together. But then it sort of doesn’t because this time, Helo has to go against his own morals and it hurts so very much.
- Mary McDonnell, you are a god among mere mortals. Her entire performance with the gravely injured Baltar is unreal, something that is rare to see anywhere, let alone on cable television. I already could not deal with Baltar’s confirmation to Roslin that he did indeed betray the colonials back on Caprica and Roslin’s shaking anger. No, seriously, her whole body shakes with rage and it scares me and it makes me sad and then she removes his bandage. Because Baltar believes he was some sort of SANCTIONED FORCE OF CLEANSING FOR HUMANITY. Oh god, that is such a REVOLTING CONCEPT, so I do understand why Roslin reacts so strongly to him.
- The Hub is actually destroyed. JFC THE CYLONS ARE MORTAL. I CAN’T. I JUST CAN’T.
- Baltar begs for his life. I CAN’T.
- Roslin watches herself die. JESUS GODDAMN FUCK, what is this show doing? THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING. oh god look at Adama’s face SO HELP ME GODS.
- “I’m not saying Baltar’s done more good than harm in the universe; he hasn’t. The thing is, the harder it is to recognize someone’s right to draw a breath, the more crucial it is. If humanity is going to prove itself worthy of surviving, it can’t do it on a case-by-case basis. A bad man feels his death just as keenly as a good man.”
- No did you read that fucking quote. THIS SHOW DOES THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL THINGS. And I am feeling so much love for a show that puts forth a message like this.
- “You go. You go. You go to your rest now. I’m not gonna be selfish anymore. You go. Rest.”
- Stop it, Battlestar Galactica. You stop doing this to me right now.
- Roslin crying because she thinks she’s killed Baltar? Yeah, lost the ability to do much of anything. I can hardly deal with “The Hub” at this point.”
- Oh, an Eight looks like she wants to kill Helo for Roslin’s plan to double-cross her. HELO TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING oh god this is too much.
- Look, I have no shame: I genuinely believed that Three had just revealed that Roslin was the final Cylon. And I laughed so hard when she revealed it was a joke, but it was that nervous laughter where you try to pretend you are totally cool with the joke, yet on the inside, you’re like HOW FUCKING DARE YOU I WILL END YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
- We’re going to find out who the Final Cylon is, aren’t we? JFC CAN’T DEAL.
- um those constellations in the sky are very familiar. is this really happening. is it. ARE THEY REALLY THAT CLOSE TO EARTH.
- There are, simply put, few things in the world more beautiful than the reunion of Roslin and Adama. The man who waited is returned to the woman who loves him. My shipper heart has exploded, I cannot function or deal with anything ever.
- I’ve lost the ability to can. It is gone.