Mark Watches ‘Galavant’: S02E05 – Giants vs. Dwarves

In the fifth episode of the second season of Galavant, what the FUCK did I just watch??? Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Galavant.

Hi, did this happen? Did I truly experience this? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW DOING.

Friendship

Truly, it feels like the show exists in an upside-down world, and the writers just went for broke and put all the bizarre plots in one episode. For a moment, I was actually really excited about the idea of Gareth and Sid becoming friends so that Gareth would have an ally in his “relationship” with Madalena. They have a reason to be friends! Gareth does need someone to talk to, even if he’d try to murder you if you said that to his faith. I admit that I still crave for Sid to have a role that’s beyond being the assistant to someone else, and this plot still centers someone else. He deserves at least another episode! I guess I thought that this might be the chance for him to get a bigger part. Alas, I misjudged just how much feeling this man had for Madalena and vice versa. It hasn’t changed them as much as it has… altered their motivations? Madalena is still cruel, and Gareth still loves violence, and guess who gets to be on the receiving end of it again? It’s Sid. Except now there’s a bounty out on him??? Lord, he needs to get out of that castle, I swear. 

Princess Jubilee

What the HELL was this? I must confess that I did not like Jubilee’s song all that much, but I’m biased here. I listen to lots of metal and punk rock, and her song is a poor imitation of both genres, basically? Plus, she’s a means to an end. Isabella’s mother finally figured out something was wrong with her daughter and was thrown into the dungeons because of it. So, it felt like Jubilee existed just so that Isabella could have her crown knocked off. She’s not a full-fledged, three-dimensional character at all! I didn’t get the sense that she was a parallel to or a foil of Isabella; she sings about how different she is when the only big difference is that horrific set of “dreads.” (Seriously, she sings about not having shaven underarms, only to later reveal in the very same song that she’s got… shaven underarms. Which didn’t feel like an intentional joke, you know?) I hate that I’m going to say this, but: I didn’t get her. I know this is a strange episode, but this felt too random for me. 

At the very least, though, it gave me something to celebrate: Isabella is free from Wormwood’s control, and she is PISSED. I’m very excited to see what she’s going to do with him.

Giants vs Dwarves

What.

The.

FUCK.

I appreciate that this episode so wholly commits to its premises, even if I don’t necessarily like the execution. It took me a while to understand why Galavant and Richard were suddenly thrust into the most absurd conflict we’ve ever gotten on this show. (So far!) Surely, in what little time there is this season, the plot could move forward instead of focusing on this petty, nonsensical fight? But that’s the point, isn’t it? Richard is so oblivious and foolish that he just keeps taking Galavant down unnecessary paths; Galavant takes the bait and forgets his purpose WAY too easily. And because they’re not focused, because they’re both egotistical and easily riled, they managed to get involved in a violent struggle that makes no sense—and they are well aware it makes no sense!—just because they want the opportunity to bash one another’s head in.

Now, I get it to some extent. Tad Cooper the Dragon is just… wow, Richard really is the worst most of the time. And the show has his character commit so wholly to this obliviousness that I weirdly accept that he thought that lizard was a dragon??? So I understand why Galavant was furious! Their only piece of leverage/bargaining was traded for a LIZARD. I’d be pissed, too! 

What I wouldn’t do is get involved in this absurd turf war, all of which was due to a badly constructed bridge and some misunderstood visual perspective. But these two fools do, only to be rescued by the one person who is both talented and able to pay attention: Roberta. It’s not lost on me that a bunch of men let their egos get the best of them so badly that they truly believed they were giants or dwarves. THIS IS WHAT WE DO. Okay, maybe not this specifically, but it’s still believable in a strange way. This detour, as bizarre as it is, pushed Richard and Galavant to realize that as mismatched as they might be, fighting isn’t going to save Valencia or Isabella. Cooperation and teamwork is.

Oh, and also that Roberta is the actual best. That, too.

The video for “Giants vs. Dwarves” can be downloaded here for $0.99.

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