Mark Watches ‘Supernatural’: S07E09 – How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

In the ninth episode of the seventh season of Supernatural, NOPE. NOPE. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Supernatural. 

Trigger Warning: For nonconsensual drugging, body horror/gore, suicide, fatphobia. 

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WHYYYYY.

Real Hunting

There’s something unmistakably great about how this episode pulls the Winchesters and Bobby out of a normal environment (well, normal for a traditional hunter) and into one that’s atypical for this show. And it does it three times in the same episode! Initially, though, the trio tracks down a good ol’ monster, or at least what seems like one. It means that Bobby gets to take these two on a real hunt, one that involves the sort of tracking and planning that real-world hunters do. (The terminology here could get confusing here fast.) But what’s so great about this (and so deeply heartbreaking) is that it puts Bobby into a fatherly position throughout “How to Win Friends.” Here, Bobby takes Dean and Sam hunting, which evokes memories from Dean’s past. It supports the full-circle feel to this episode.

Of course, it’s important to note how Bobby provides emotional support to both Dean and Sam. He’s long been a father figure to them, and this episode explores how he both helps and perhaps fails them as one. His conversation with Sam is a sweet moment, and it’s one of the rare times we get to see Sam and Bobby have time alone with one another. But I think it’s also important to note that his view of Dean (and the advice he later gives to Dean) is flawed and lacks any sort of sympathy. It’s part of that transition from the world of “real” hunting to the hunting these men have done for most of their lives. They only get to pretend to be “people” for a very brief moment, and then the world reminds them how surreal, terrifying, and upsetting their lives actually are. So, on the one hand, I understand that Bobby is just being Bobby when he’s telling Dean to effectively get over himself and keep his head in the game.

But speaking from experience, there’s probably nothing worse you can tell a person dealing with depression or suicidal thoughts than to get over themselves. Trust me: it never, ever works, it is not an effective coping mechanism, and it’s straight-up cruel. God, you can see it in Dean’s face once Bobby begins to lay into him! It’s such a brief little tell, but I totally saw Dean crumple, almost like he was a scolded puppy, and it was GUT-WRENCHING to watch. If there’s anything Dean needs right now, he needs empathy. And while I think Sam could give him that, I also have to acknowledge that on top of this is Dean’s own unwillingness to talk about his feelings. It’s complicated, and I think Bobby was horribly reductive about what Dean was going through. It’s not just being sad or distracted, you know?

Dr. Gaines’ plan

You know, this episode is not the one it starts off as, and I admire how many times Ben Edlund’s scripts twists and turns from that fairly standard cold open. It’s a monster story, then it’s a comedy, then it’s a horrifying medical experiment, then it’s LEVIATHANS, WHAT THE FUCK. Even when this show revealed that the Leviathans were behind the Turducken Sandwich drugging, I thought that this was the endgame of the season. Dr. Gaines had created a method to turn the human population into a food source. (A perpetual one, though? How would that have lasted? If you immobilize the entire population, do they ever procreate? WHY AM I THINKING OF THESE THINGS?) I was a little uncomfortable with the way the show did that thing where fat people aren’t characters but props in the plot, all meant to comment on our society’s reliance on unhealthy food. It’s a little lazy for me.

Anyway, the show rapidly changes its tone once we transition from the hunt for a monster and into the Leviathan plot. And god, that transition is done so well, especially once we see the “monster” for the first time. It makes no sense! It was like an amalgamation of tropes and qualities from a ton of different creatures, but its purpose was endlessly perplexing. It just ate? All the time? (How could I not see this was a Leviathan thing?) It’s blood had turned into some gray-ish goo? (SERIOUSLY, MARK, IT WAS SO OBVIOUS.) PINE CONES AND CAT HEADS?

Oh god, I WASN’T READY.

The Golden Rule

I find the Leviathans (Dick Roman in particular) both fascinating and terrifying, and I’m really pleased with how they’ve become this season’s Big Bad. Their seemingly invincible nature allows the show to explore Dean’s mental state, since he can engage with a sense of futility that we hadn’t seen from him before. But we also get to see how the writers worldbuild over the course of this season. Once the Leviathans are out of Purgatory, they spread out into our world in alarming ways. It makes sense that they’d try to hide in plain site, since they can, but this episode furthers that concept a lot with Dick’s Golden Rule and bibbing. It’s not so much that they have to go undetected; the Leviathans, in taking over human bodies, are deeply aware of how easily humanity can use their paranoia en masse, and so Dick mandates that they all act in a way that keeps their presence a secret. Everything they do has to stay out of the news; anything that might cause anyone to suspect them or be led in their direction is highly discouraged. While I believe that no one aside from hunters could have tracked those turducken patties to the Leviathans, that’s not the point here. Dr. Gaines’ failures indirectly put the Leviathans in the news, and that’s already too far.

I will admit to not understanding how bibbing actually works. Are you just compelled to do it, or does the use of a bib actually contain some sort of power? Regardless, NO. NOPE NOPE NOPE NO NO NO, THAT IS HORRIFYING. But to Dick Roman, Dr. Gaines was absolutely expendable. How that specific Leviathan became the unofficial leader of these creatures is beyond me, but it’s clear that they all respect this hierarchy. Which is why it’s so scary when Bobby is captured by the Leviathans. It’s impossible to ignore the parody and social commentary on power-hungry CEOs when you look at Dick Roman, but his characterization works so well to instill fear in these characters and in the audience because it’s too real. He’s written in a way that allows us to see his cost-benefit analysis happening in real time in his mind, and we know how easily he can expend anyone at any time he wants. It certainly doesn’t make it better that the Leviathans can only be temporarily stopped with borax; Dick Roman’s invincibility isn’t just about his seemingly immortal body. He’s also got access to societal power and capital, and he’s infiltrated himself so perfectly into our world, and to me, that’s so much more frightening.

That makes me worry, of course, that I’m about to witness Dick Roman expending a life in service of his greater plan, whatever that is. I believed that Bobby had survived his agonizing encounter with the Leviathans, and then there’s a bullet hole in his hat, and then I can’t forget that Dick told Bobby that his guns were known for their “peerless sighting,” and then I’m flashing back to Bobby telling Dean not to die before him, and I AM GOING TO BE SO UPSET IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

That cut to black with Dean and Sam yelling is just about the cruelest thing I can imagine. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

The video for “How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters” can be downloaded here for $0.99.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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