Mark Watches ‘Jane the Virgin’: Season 5 Predictions

It’s prediction post time! If you hadn’t downloaded the videos for the last couple episodes, I am buying myself a little time this week by having an actual separate prediction post like I used to do. (I have two very intense deadlines on November 1, and I’m writing this on Halloween, FYI!) I just need the extra few hours so that I’m not late on these two projects due very soon. So! Just this once, we’re back to the old style, and it’s time for me to recall just how wrong I was and then hope I’m not as wrong for the final season of Jane the Virgin. 

Final. Wow. I can’t believe it!!! 

First things first. LET US REFLECT ON THE PAST.

1) Jane’s book will get published this season! HOORAY! Off to a good start.

2) Adam will be around for an eight episode arc. Ah, not quite, but pretty close!

3) Luisa will be running the Marbella for half the season. Also not quite right; she left before the halfway mark.

4) Rafael will have to find a new job and a new source of income! This was a great prediction and it literally was true THE ENTIRE SEASON. I am PROUD of myself. 

5) Mateo will start public school! Finally! Another excellent prediction.

6) Jane will start working on another project. look at this I AM ON A ROLL.

7) Petra will move on from Chuck definitively. HELL YEAH, WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT HIM

8) Xiomara’s dance studio will unexpectedly take off and she’ll have to expand. Aaaaaaand then I tried. Wow, her story absolutely did not go this direction.

9) Which will also happen when Rogelio can’t find a new telenovela to work on after his has ended. I see why I predicted this, but nope! Another one I wasn’t prepared for.

10) We will also see Fabian twice more. Oh, shit. If my search of my reviews is correct, then I actually nailed this one!!! I JUST THREW THIS PREDICTION OUT THERE, OH MY GOD.

11) And Bruce once. Ah. Bruce. I’m sad he’s gone, but also much happier now that Ro and Xo are together.

12) Jorge and Alba will get married! LOVE HOW I AM ACCIDENTALLY RIGHT WITH THIS ONE.

13) Jane will be dating someone new by the end of the season. I MEAN… yes??? Holy shit???? This makes me look like I’m pretty good at this, but I didn’t think it would be Rafael.

14) So will Petra. AND EVERYTHING WAS GLORIOUS AND QUEER.

15) Speaking of, I don’t believe Anezka shot Petra in the finale. And that’s because… UM WOW. Okay, this might be the best set of predictions I’ve ever done?

16) Anezka will die. (Hey, someone big has to go, right? THIS SHOW DOESN’T CARE.) SERIOUSLY, I FARED QUITE WELL HERE. Just… not in the right context.

17) Rogelio and Darcy will have to spend most of the season learning to co-parent their child. In hindsight, this was an easy one BUT I STILL GOT IT.

18) I’M STILL NOT READY. YOU ARE TRULY NOT

And with that massive cliffhanger in mind, let me try to predict the final season of Jane the Virgin.

1) We will find out that Rose was behind Michael’s faked death and disappearance.

2) Michael and Jane will attempt to date one another.

3) It won’t work out.

4) Jane / Rafael is end game. (This feels like an educated guess to me. It’s just that Jane and Rafael have grown so much together over the past season that I don’t sense the show willing to abandon that? Also, Michael did not seem as enthused to see Jane. SOMETHING IS UP.)

5) Xiomara will not have a recurrence of cancer.

6) Alba and Jorge will fall in love.

7) The Passions of Steve will not be a hit at first, but will eventually become a major success.

8) Mateo will have a difficult time adjusting to Michael being back.

9) Jane Ramos will be around for a few episodes, but I think she leaves Petra by episode five. 

10) Jane Ramos shot Milos.

11) Magda will die this season. (PLEASE GET RID OF HER.

12) So will Rose.

13) Here’s a wild, poetic prediction: Rose dies by Luisa’s hand.

14) Jane will finish her second book this season.

15) It will also be published.

16) AND IT WILL BE FAR MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN HER FIRST!!!

17) I think the series finale will have a major time jump, and we’ll get to see a snapshot of all the main characters FINALLY HAPPY.

Okay, I think that’s pretty solid. Next week, I’ll find out if some of these are right! I STILL CAN’T DEAL WITH THAT TWIST. WHAT THE FUCK.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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