Mark Predicts ‘Alias’: Season 3

Hello, Watchers! While this isn’t my first prediction post for Alias, it’s the first time I get to determine just how wrong I was about this show. It’s… a lot. Look, I wasn’t ready in any sense of the word, y’all! WHAT THE HELL IS ALIAS.

Anyway, before I further embarrass myself for y’all, let’s take a look back at my last set of predictions:

  • Dixon will find out the truth about Sydney AND IT DESTROYED ME.
  • And he’ll be asked to join the CIA as a double agent. Oh, nope, he’s gonna find out in the same episode where SD-6 is destroyed HAVE FUN
  • Vaughn survived the destruction of the Circumference. Indeed. Remember when THAT was a major worry?
  • He and Sydney will attempt to go on an ACTUAL DATE. HELP ME, THEY WENT SO MUCH FURTHER.
  • Will is gonna accept a position for the CIA to help Sydney POOR WILL.
  • He will have to then manage the same double life that Sydney has, except towards Francie. look what i have done. look what i have wrought.
  • Francie will find out the truth about Will AND Sydney at the end of season 2. hello darkness, my old friend.
  • Marshall will go on a mission this season. OKAY, I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT THAT DIDN’T HAVE SOME HORRIBLE TWIST TO IT.
  • We will find out that Emily died FOR SURE in season 2. I MEAN?!?!?! Technically, I’m right??? Just in a horribly roundabout way.
  • Which will mean that Arvin Sloane will get EVEN WEIRDER towards Sydney. I… guess??? I don’t really know why I thought this was significant enough for a prediction.
  • We will see cyberpunk OR gothpunk Sydney at least twice this season. BONUS POINTS IF IT’S TWO OF EACH. Oh god, I didn’t keep count, but we definitely saw another punk Sydney!!!
  • We will see inside another SD branch. HAHAHA GOODBYE, ALLIANCE.
  • The Alliance will fall apart by the end of season 2. EVEN WORSE.
  • Khasinau is assassinated. LIKE HE EVEN MATTERS
  • Sydney will try to get revenge on Sark, but will fail. Instead, they work together????
  • Most of this season will track Sydney’s relationship with her mother. It was a huge part of this season, though Irina kinda disappeared in the middle of the season.
  • And the season will end with a massive showdown between Sydney and her mother!!!! Look, guess that is the case, but this season’s big showdown was Sydney/Francie and then SYDNEY/LOST TIME, so… nice try, Mark?

All right, this is going to be virtually impossible, but here we go.

Predictions for Season 3

  • We won’t see Will for most of the season because he’s in witness protection.
  • We will meet Vaughn’s fianceé/wife in the first episode. (I CAN’T BELIEVE I AM TYPING THIS.)
  • We will find out that Francie’s double died the night Sydney discovered her.
  • Sydney will discover what happened to her (in full) by the halfway point of this season.
  • And we’ll find out that she was kidnapped by some organization and brainwashed to work for them.
  • She escaped and broke her programming, which is why she woke up years later.
  • We will learn what the Telling was.
  • Vaughn and Sydney get back together by the end of the season.
  • Sydney and Irina have another showdown this season, but it will be BEFORE the season finale.
  • I think Irina will die this season.
  • Dixon will start dating someone this season.
  • Jack will get closer to his daughter and then do some foolish shit and get pushed away LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES.
  • The finale is going to deal with Sydney and Arvin Sloane.
  • And the season will end with something to do with Rambaldi.

THIS IS REALLY HARD, Y’ALL. But onwards I go!

Please note: there are still plenty of episodes to commission from the remainder of Alias! You can claim episodes and support me here.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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