Mark Watches ‘Enterprise’: S01E25 – Two Days and Two Nights

In the twenty-fifth and penultimate episode of the first season of Enterprise, everything about this is a mess except for Hoshi. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Star Trek.

Trigger Warning: For discussion of homophobia and transphobia.

I’ll make this very clear.

Things I Want Less Of

  • In the infinite reaches of space, across this wide and vast galaxy, it continues to make absolutely no sense that nearly every species that Starfleet encounters adheres to a gender binary. So no, I want no more of this.
  • Alien night clubs. They always look pretty much the same: like someone went to a late 90s goth/industrial in Los Angeles, but one of those ones that’s in Hollywood off of Cahuenga, so you know it’s absolutely awful, and yet here it is, presented as if it’s totally cool.
  • Straight men.
  • Just in general, yes.
  • But in Star Trek, this whole vibe of, “BROOOOOOOO, WE’RE GONNA FUCK SOME ALIENS TONIGHT” and then making fun of those aliens within earshot in their establishment is like the pinnacle of fetishization. These beings are only their for the sexual fulfillment of Reed and Tucker and nothing more!!!! Who cares if they are interesting because BEAUTY IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.
  • That whole pronoun scene was an embarrassment.
  • So was watching Reed and Tucker openly lie in order to make themselves seem more important just so they could get laid. WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS. WHY ARE WE SO AWFUL.
  • Let all of us cis people retire the trope of having women revealed to really be men for shock value or… actually, let’s just all of us collectively agree to never use this trope for any real reason ever again. This serves a double purpose within the episode: to distance Reed and Tucker from anything remotely gay (since they’re disgusted that the two women were actually male members of another species), and to embarrass them. The whole trans panic thing is not just a literary trope; it is a real-life nightmare that gets trans people murdered, and mostly trans women are victims of this. SO NO, STOP ENFORCING THIS.
  • The underutilization of Travis Mayweather. Why the hell didn’t we get to see a single scene of his on Risa? Not one? He exists in this episode so that Phlox can get a story. He’s had maybe one episode focused on him this season! I CALL FOUL.
  • Straight men romancing women all over the galaxy. UGH WHY IS THERE SO MUCH OF IT.
  • Weird looking dogs who can magically travel up to balconies in order to fight Porthos. Look, I am into dogs universally, and I would love to become friends with that weird-ass dog. BUT THAT WAS PORTHOS’S BALCONY. How you gonna come up to his balcony and try to pick a fight? Go home.
  • Seriously, how did Rhylo get up there???
  • (The Force.)
  • Archer not telling anyone except maybe T’Pol that a Tandoran agent disguised themselves in order to get more information out of him about the Suliban. THAT SEEMS LIKE A HUGE THING TO KEEP TO HIMSELF. I get that the end of the episode was about each of these characters remaining silent about their weekend? But also no.
  • Did Tucker and Reed not tell any authorities about their night? Also what did they do for their second night???? They have an entire missing 12 hours that isn’t in this episode.

Things I Want More Of

  • Hoshi being incredible. Here’s the thing: at least her experience here is rooted in something interesting and relevant to her character. We are given a reason for her to start a conversation with Ravis, and his complicated language is another reason why she sticks around. All of this makes sense! I was invested! That’s not the case with Tucker, Reed, or Archer. Their interactions felt so forced and awkward.
  • HOSHI GETTING THE BEST ENDING. HELL YEAH, HOSHI.
  • Exploring Dr. Phlox’s culture! I want to know more about the Denobulans! How frequently do they need to hibernate? Are they always as cranky and bewildered if they are woken from hibernation? TELL ME MORE, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE MORE OF THE DENOBULANS.

This is a strange episode prior to the finale. I wonder if we’ll find out who sent that person after Archer. OH WELL.

The video for “Two Days and Two Nights” can be downloaded here for $0.99.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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