In the thirteenth episode of the first season of Steven Universe, an episode about the silliness of birthdays turns into an exploration of existential dread. HELP. If you’re intrigued, then it’s time for Mark to watch Steven Universe.
Trigger Warning: For body horror
I actually found this episode a lot more disturbing than “Cat Fingers,” y’all. It was such a cute demonstration of the ways in which Steven is a pure source of all that is good in the world, and he just wanted to give his friends birthday parties to make up for all those they’d not celebrated, and then suddenly, STEVEN SEES THE END OF ALL TIME AND HAS AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.
See, I have a complicated relationship with birthdays. I’ve only barely begun to feel old in my head, but for the most part, aside from being more knowledgeable and wise in general, I definitely feel pretty much the same as I did over a decade ago. I’m a fairly youthful, exciting person, and it’s just part of who I am. I don’t get the normal sort of anxiety around birthdays when it comes to aging. Instead, I feel weird about them because I was largely not allowed to have them. My parents, before they adopted my brother and I, were Seventh Day Adventists, and celebrations – like birthdays – were not really allowed. Even though they gave up that specific denomination by the time my younger sister came in the picture, there were still vestiges of it in my upbringing. We might get a cake, and every so often, if my family could afford it, my brother and I would get a gift for our birthday. It was rare, though, at least for the two of us. (Unfortunately, my younger sister was allowed to have birthday parties, often times in years where we were not. Ah, the strange hypocrisies of parents, y’all.)
So I grew up watching everyone else have birthday parties every year. I didn’t get my first party – complete with a surprise and my actual friends in attendance – until I was 18. Even then, it was a weird affair. I was suddenly an adult, which meant that, as someone estranged from their parents, I could suddenly take control of SO MANY THINGS in my life that were unavailable to me. But it was a bittersweet affair because it had taken me so long to finally get something that everyone else thought was normal and mundane.
This is all very, very relevant because tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. Thirty-three! How the fuck did that happen? (And you can shamelessly buy me a gift here if you want.) I feel like twenty-three was four thousand years ago. To say I’ve lived a busy and eventful life is an understatement, but honestly, sometimes I can’t wrap my head around this life myself. Aging is weird. The passage of time is weird. That’s why “So Many Birthdays” was so much more disturbing to me than the body transformation weirdness of “Cat Fingers.” Here, Steven becomes self-conscious after the Pearl and Garnet suggest that maybe birthdays are only for human children. I don’t know how old Steven is, but he seems the right age to start questioning this stuff. Thus, when his friends put the thought in his head, he can’t escape it.
Again, a highly charged emotional response in Steven caused his gem to activate. THE EVIDENCE IS THERE, I SWEAR IT IS. Except this time, no cat fingers. Oh no, it’s not at all that adorable. Instead, Steven rapidly ages. Honestly, it’s pretty funny at first, since the show manages to explore this while also poking fun at the idea. PROFESSIONAL BEACH HUNK. BIRTHDAY SUIT. Oh my god, the entire scene with Lars and Sadie is WONDERFUL. And yet, Steven Universe takes it a lot further than I expected.
I’m actually haunted by that scene on the beach where Pearl weeps at the tragedy of Steven’s aging while Steven NEARLY DIES. What the fuck, this is so much more upsetting to me! Steven glimpses the inevitable sadness of adult life and the slow existential march towards mortality IN THE SPAN OF LIKE AN HOUR. Now, he’s saved by his youthful enthusiasm and his joy for life, which is super awesome, but y’all, I am not okay after watching this. Now I’m questioning my own existence. Do we all have gems inside us that age us once we feel old? Is that what’s actually happening here?
This is too much. I need to go lie down.
The video for “So Many Birthdays” can be downloaded here for $0.99.
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