In the fifth episode of the ninth season ofÂ Supernatural, I just donâ€™t understand anymore. Intrigued? Then itâ€™s time for Mark to watchÂ Supernatural.
Trigger Warning: For discussion of bestiality. AGAIN. And homophobia??? Does it count as homophobia if itâ€™s a DOG????Â
Again.Â Again. This show did it AGAIN. In a world where we all had to suffer through â€œManâ€™s Best Friend With Benefits,â€ we were given yetÂ another episode that has a scene about a human having sex with a dog. Thereâ€™s really no context to give to the scene where Dean lasciviously leers at a poodle that could ever, ever, ever make it okay, and yet? This episode went there. It went there, meaning that someone wrote it into the script, an editor approved it, countless others did not stop it, Jensen AcklesÂ acted this, the post-production team did not take it out and here, in all its glory, I get to watch a human being stare at a poodle like he wants to fuck it.
What the fuck is wrong with this show.
But wait, what about a dog HITTING ON SAM? Not just any dog, but a gay dog. A GAY DOG.
A Â G A Y Â D O G.
I donâ€™t even know how to begin to address the horrifying implications of making a tiny Yorkie hit on a human as if it is a flamboyantly aggressive gay man. Where do you start? Where do you end? Will I lose my sense of self along the way? Is this all part of an elaborate joke? This has to be, because what show would do this? What show would ostensibly see the reaction to bestiality jokes in their scripts andÂ double down on it? I never thought Iâ€™d live up to the beauty of my review for that episode, and now, here I am. This is the life that I live. I have to come up with something witty or substantive to say aboutâ€¦ whatever this episode is.
Is it funny? Sometimes, sure. I think that itâ€™s a time-honored classic to have humans suddenly able to hear animals. (Go read Tamora Pierceâ€™sÂ The ImmortalsÂ quartet if you want something ACTUALLY GOOD that deals with this. I did it for Mark Reads. ITâ€™S SO GREAT.) While the writers certainly donâ€™t do anything revolutionary with the concept, there are some cute-ish moments. Dean playing fetch! Dean yelling at the postman! Some of the voices at the pound, particularly the collie! Butâ€¦ is that worth it? Do they overshadowÂ Dean hitting on a poodle?
Some would say, â€œYes!â€ I am not one of those people. I mean, as quite a few folks on Twitter pointed out (shoutout to @acannibalqueen and @mochachick8!) that this show wonâ€™t make a main character bisexual or queer, BUT THEY CAN TOTALLY HIT ON A POODLE. TOTALLY OKAY.
What a waste.
Look. Even when you factor in Chef Leoâ€™s character, this episode is like a poorly doneÂ Hannibal, complete with terrible villain-y monologues, a cancer backstory/justification (CAN PEOPLE WITH CANCER GET A GODDAMN BREAK, OKAY), and a really revolting resolution. (DO THE DOGS EAT HIM OR JUST TEAR HIM APART?) And then Sam has his neck torn open, Ezekiel arrives to heal Sam, and Sam is suddenly aware that something very impossible just happened, and yet? Heâ€™s still given lines as if heâ€™s merely â€œpuzzledâ€ by recent events. Up to this episode, his confusion is totally believable, but he did notÂ pass out here! He knew his neck was slashed, and then it suddenly wasnâ€™t. Why isnâ€™t he questioning this?
Well, this whole episode was a mess. I canâ€™t even imagine how it was pitched because if I tried to do so, that means Iâ€™d have to entertain the notion that more than one person was perfectly fine with this. CanÂ SupernaturalÂ leave dogs alone? PLEASE? Itâ€™s bad enough I opened the video with a story about my inability to function normally around dogs and then had to sit through this. Can we just let dogs have their lives? CAN WE?
The video for â€œDog Dean Afternoonâ€ can be downloaded here for $0.99.
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