Mark Predicts ‘Star Trek’: Season 3

You realize that this means I’m even closer to having Patrick Stewart’s face on my television EVERY SINGLE WEEK, right? There are few things in life I want more than this.

Before I get to my final set of predictions for the third season of Star Trek, let’s go over what I said last time. Wow, these are not good.

1. The use of redshirts will be more egregious this season. LOTS OF REDSHIRTS MUST DIE FOR THIS TO COUNT. You know, this was hard to measure, but hey, IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS.
2. The following characters will get one episode focusing on them in some sense: Spock, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, and Bones. (This is vague, but I’m openly cheating.) And I openly failed. BUT SPOCK’S PARENTS. WORTH IT ALL.
3. TRIBBLES. WHERE ARE THE TRIBBLES? They’re in this season. THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE FOR TRIBBLES.
4. We will also get at least one monster/creature that is NOT a puppet, but a human/animal in a costume. One? Only one?????
5. We will see another Federation ship! Yo, we saw SO MANY OF THEM.
6. We will see more Vulcans. i’m nearly in tears SPOCK’S PARENTS
7. MORE KLINGONS. Surprisingly, not that many!
8. We will get at least TEN new alien species over the course of the season. SO MANY MORE THAN THAT. 
9. The first onscreen death will be in the third episode. This was a total bullshit prediction, but I’M RIGHT. No one died onscreen in “Amok Time” or “Who Mourns for Adonais?”
10. We will get another episode dealing with time travel. AND IT WAS A WEIRD ONE.
11. We will get another episode dealing with a parallel universe / alternate dimension. OH MY GOD “MIRROR, MIRROR”
12. Captain Kirk’s shirt will get torn four times. Sadly, it did not tear nearly enough. Let’s hope that there’s a stronger showing in season 3.
13. Spock will say “Most illogical” at least three times. Four thousand times. Literally.
14. OKAY, HERE’S A BIG ONE: A major character will die this season. In hindsight, this might have been sillier than the rest.
15. We will also get two new regular characters this season! Hmmm. Only Chekov, right? I’m not counting this one.

So there we have it, a sad showing for season 2. This is, admittedly, not an easy thing to predict, but here goes, one last time:

Mark’s Predictions for Season 3 of Star Trek

1. Let’s start off with a batch of repeating elements: We’ll see the Tribbles again.
2. Same with the Klingons.
3. And the Vulcans.
4. We’ll get another parallel universe episode.
5. We’ll see another Federation ship.
6. Spock will do another Vulcan mind meld.
7. They’ll come across a planet that has developed in parallel to the United States.
8. We’ll get an episode focusing on the difficulties of maintaining the Prime Directive.
9. Another episode set ON earth.
10. Another episode where they travel into the past.
11. Shirtless Kirk: five times. MAKE IT HAPPEN, SHOW.
12. This is less of a prediction and more of a demand: Spock’s parents. PLEASE. I WANT THEM BACK.
13. Kirk will make out with a woman ten separate times.
14. I don’t know what I’m doing. This counts as a prediction.
15. There will be one episode that reflects something that was happening during the time the show aired. Some sort of commentary on the late 60s, you know? SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW.

Onwards I go to where everyone has been before.

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