Mark Watches ‘The Middleman’: Episode 10

In the tenth episode of The Middleman, no summary of this episode could do it justice. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch The Middleman.

Seriously, this show is so far gone down the rabbit hole that it’s impossible to properly describe. VAMPIRE PUPPETS.

  • Which seriously reminded me of “Smile Time,” one of the great works of modern fiction. Worth every second.
  • Of course, this has virtually nothing in common with that episode of Angel, despite that it’s also incredibly silly in the most perfect way imaginable.
  • As I mentioned in the video, my last awkward sex dream was thankfully in 2011, but it was about a coworker. Who was straight. And had just had a child a week before the dream. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT A DISASTER THIS IS? It was awful, and I’m not kidding, the first time he spoke to me after that dream, I was fucking starstruck or some shit. I COULDN’T TALK.
  • It was the worst. THE WORST.
  • I like that Wendy is so playful throughout “The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation” because it IS a funny situation, but at the end of the day, Lacey is her friend. She’s not really interested in making her feel bad, you know?
  • And this episode is all about FRIENDSHIP. Because it’s finally about how Noser is an indispensable part of the group and is also A HUGE MYSTERY
  • Oh my gods, y’all, I once had a Tarot card reading go exactly like Wendy’s did.
  • Wait, let me amend that: at no point did my Tarot card reader go into a trance and give me a prophetic message about my best friend being rent limb from limb. That never happened.
  • I was told that I was an only child looking for my wife in a small city to get away from the intensity of modern urban life.
  • That’s it. THAT’S THE JOKE.
  • Now that I’m horribly off topic twenty bullet points into this review, let’s talk about the pure absurd joy that is “The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation.” I’m so glad I didn’t actually see the name of this episode before I watched it, because the reveal of the final, surprise item at Vlad the Impaler’s auction was just so precious. It’s also great because it’s the only thing that Wendy wasn’t prepared for in any way, despite being well-versed in vampire lore. (Though she does make a Buffy reference, so I assume that she never watched Angel? Actually, I don’t see Wendy as being a big Angel fan at all. She’s definitely way into Buffy Summers and I bet she loved Tara. I’m going to start crying if I keep writing about this, so I’ll move on.)
  • Make sure to take note that the villain of this episode is quite literally named Little Vladdy.
  • I can’t help but love this show.
  • I’m not even a Pip fan, but holy shit, HOW GREAT IS THIS EPISODE FOR WHAT IT DOES WITH HIM? His entire role here is to learn how much people dislike him because he’s a jerk. He’s got so much misplaced anger and rage, and he believes that some sort of tragic mystery is responsible for the way he’s treated. But Lacey shows him that his attitude is like 90% of the problem. It’s why he couldn’t get any information from Anvil; it’s why Joe 90 wasn’t even interested in telling him the truth.
  • More on that later. Let’s talk about the interrogation scene with Renfield Renquist. The whole sequence openly pokes fun at the ridiculous use of asylum patients in comic books and procedurals, and it’s actually pretty refreshing. The affliction Renfield has doesn’t make any sense, and then the show goes even further by having him only able to communicate BY HAND PUPPETS.
  • I can’t.
  • Oh my god, it just gets better and better. There’s that great line about the trope of racially profiling Eastern European people, which is then followed by a wonderful misdirect. See, I assumed that Irene was referring to Noser’s guitar skills. She kept saying “instrument,” y’all! I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO
  • NO
  • NOPE
  • I’M SO DONE WITH THE MIDDLEMAN, OH MY GOD. Where’s the worst place to look for a vampire ventriloquist who possesses the person wearing it? Right there. The writers found the worst place, and in doing so, they reveal that NOSER IS THE WORLD’S GREAT VENTRILOQUIST.
  • Okay, that scene where the random ventriloquist throws his dummy in the trash upon hearing that Noser showed up may go down as the single greatest moment in the whole show. It’s so perfect, y’all.
  • This episode was so funny, y’all, and then Wendy realized that Little Vladdy and Lizzie were exploiting the love that The Middleman and Lacey felt for one another, and SWEET LORD, this got NOT FUNNY AT ALL. Why must you torment us with this again? Have you no appreciating for my suffering?
  • I hope someone kept the dummies of Lacey and The Middleman. Those things looked so cool!
  • Can we all appreciate that as The Middleman promised, Wendy saved the day all by herself? Actually, let’s not discount Young Noser’s carpathian wood arms. They contributed to the downfall of Little Vladdy and Lizzie.
  • For real, though. Think back to the first episode, and now think about how far Wendy has come. No, no, don’t cry. Just kidding, cry a lot.
  • Actually, you might want to save your tears for the TOTALLY UNFAIR reference the Middleman makes to the other woman he loves. Um??? Rude???? Tell me more?????
  • So yeah, I really, really liked this episode. It was a combination of all the things that makes The Middleman so relentlessly charming. And, because we can’t have good things, it’s nearly done for me. HOW. IT’S TOO SOON.

The video for “The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation” can be downloaded here for $0.99.

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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