Mark Watches ‘Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood’: Episode 17

In the seventeenth episode of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, I can’t even explain to y’all what happened because absolutely nothing about this makes any sense. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch FMA:B.

I don’t care if I’m repeating what I said in the video, but did David Lynch write this episode? Is there a reason the whole tone and characterization of this show just changed in a single episode? THIS IS NOT FAIR.

  • Seriously, there is a distinct absurdist element to “Cold Flame.” Maria Ross’s treatment had flares of Kafka to it because it was so wildly illegal and yet NO ONE CARED. She was convicted before she even knew she was convicted. How is that possible? How can her conviction be announced in the newspaper before it actually happens in a court??? How are her parents or Brosh not suitable alibis???
  • I just spent 17 minutes reading my Tumblr dashboard in the hopes that I could come up with something to explain this episode. I am saddened to report that I am still just as confused.
  • Here’s my big question: WHY MARIA ROSS??? It’s not like she’s connected to anything or that she figured out anything she shouldn’t know. Nope, she’s just a random-ass character who suddenly is framed for murder. See, if this episode was just an example of Envy’s distraction scheme, I would understand the randomness of it. But it’s not just that.
  • IT’S NOT JUST THAT, IS IT???
  • While this episode is extremely upsetting and suspenseful, there is a touching, quiet moment early on. Like I mentioned in the previous review, these characters are more at risk of dying than ever before, and Winry vocalizes that to her best friends. She knows how important this is to the Elrics, but she just wants them to stay in her life. Even Al has admitted that if what they’re doing gets people killed, maybe he shouldn’t pursue a body.
  • Is it okay to interpret Edward’s smile as him realizing that Winry cares about him? Can I?
  • So, I initially thought that Falman sent Barry to Maria to break her out, that maybe Col. Mustang had ordered this. It made sense! He had no reason to believe that she was the one who had killed Hughes.
  • I don’t claim to understand Ling Yao, by the way, but I like him.
  • Oh my gosh, BARRY FINALLY GOT THE REACTION HE ALWAYS WANTED!
  • Am I cheering on a serial killer whose soul is bonded to a metal suit? Okay, that’s weird.
  • How great is that scene where Barry, Maria, Ling, and the Elric brothers all run into one another? It’s just so weird. Plus, what the hell is Ling planning to do???
  • Up until this point in the episode, I thought I understood what was going on. Mustang had to be behind all of this, so when he finally confronted her, I figured that he was just going to ask her what her role in all of this was? Even when there was a giant explosion of fire, I didn’t think much of it.
  • And then it cuts to Mustang.
  • And then there is a charred body on the ground.
  • And it has Maria’s tags on the wrist.
  • And
  • and you
  • you can’t
  • you can’t do that
  • you fucking cannot do that
  • that is not a thing you are allowed to do
  • WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, MUSTANG!!!!?!?!?!?
  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING???
  • YOU ARE NOT ONE TO FOLLOW ORDERS
  • WHY DO YOU SUDDENLY CARE ABOUT OBEDIENCE???? THIS IS LITERALLY AGAINST YOUR ESTABLISHED CHARACTERIZATION.
  • I MEAN, EVEN DOUGLAS/ENVY QUESTIONS THE MURDER BECAUSE HE CERTAINLY DIDN’T EXPECT THIS.
  • THEN HE IS A TOTAL DICK AT THE HOSPITAL.
  • It’s actually Maria’s teeth. There’s no chance that it’s someone else. Fuck this. FUCK IT.
  • WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ARMSTRONG THAT WAY? I AM SO CONFUSED.
  • NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.
  • NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!!!
  • WHY THE FUCK IS ARMSTRONG TAKING EDWARD TO RESEMBOOL???
  • THIS IS NOT FAIR. NONE OF THIS IS FAIR. NONE OF IT.
  • I CANNOT UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS
  • OH MY FUCKING GOD, THEY STILL HAVE BARRY’S HUMAN BODY????? FUCK ALL OF THIS. FUCK IT.
  • I can’t. Mustang did all of this to get everyone out of the way???? No, I don’t accept this. You murdered someone just to do… something??? We don’t even know what it is he’s trying to accomplish. What does he know? What did he figure out???
  • Fuck, he murdered Maria as a distraction. No. NO. I am so confused and mad and CONFUSED.
  • I AM SO CONFUSED.

The video commission for this episode is now archived in my store for just $0.99! You can purchase the entire show at once for only $49.99 for 64 videos!

Mark Links Stuff

– I have redesigned MarkDoesStuff.com! Check out this post explaining the new changes, which includes the start of a permanent archive of all Mark Watches videos!
The Mark Does Stuff Summer Tour is happening soon! Check out the posted dates, suggest new ones, help bring me to YOUR TOWN.
– I have been nominated for a Hugo in the Fan Writer category! If you’d like more information or to direct friends/family to vote for me, I have a very informational post about what I do that you can pass along and link folks to!
– Mark Reads Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is now published and available for purchase! It’s available in ebook AND physical book format, and you can also get a discount for buying the ENTIRE SET of digital books: $25 for 7 BOOKS!!!
– Video commissions are open, and you can commission a Mark Reads/Watches video for just $25!

About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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