Mark Predicts ‘Angel’: Season 5

Oh gosh, do you know how sad I am making this post, knowing I’ll never be able to properly predict Buffy again? I AM TOO SAD. So, let’s first go over my predictions for last season before I make a fool of myself.

Season 4

  • Angel will be rescued from the bottom of the ocean by the end of the first episode. SHIT YEAH 1/1
  • Wesley will not chose Angel Investigations or Wolfram & Hart this season, and will act entirely on his own. Do I get half a point since this was the case for half the season? Whatever, I’m giving out points. 1.5/2
  • We’ll see Lorne once. what. 1.5/3
  • I seriously don’t know if Cordelia is in season four, so I say we won’t see her until halfway through the season. Hey, here’s a fun thought: we don’t actually see “her” from episode 3 until the end of episode 17. I lose a million points, give or take. -1,000,000/4
  • Because no one can be happy on this show, at some point, Gunn and Fred will break up, and they won’t get back together. Bah, why was I right? -1,000,000/5. I don’t earn points for heartbreak.
  • Angel will forgive Connor for what he did to him. Well, this is nice! -999,999/6
  • Angel will forgive Wesley by the season’s end. YAY. -999,998/7
  • Justine will die. Nope! She just disappeared. -999,999/8
  • Connor will join Angel Investigations. I mean… did this ever technically happen? He was sort of there, sort of not? I don’t even know. NO POINTS because of confusion. -999,999/9
  • Wesley will have sex with Lilah. AW YEAH I GET LOTS OF POINTS. 0/10
  • Linwood will die. FUCK YEAH. 1/11
  • Gavin will die. SAD, BUT FUCK YEAH. 2/12
  • Lilah will reign supreme because she is my amoral queen. UGH, SHE WAS SO FABULOUS SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD. 1,000/13
  • Stuff? THAT HAPPENED! 1,001/14
  • Isn’t there still a prophecy regarding the end of the world in effect? So, something will happen with that? HA. HAHAHAHA. HAHAHA DF;KLS DKLDF ;ak;a a;alskdfj 0/15
  • I don’t know what I’m doing. That much was evident. There was no way I could have guessed this season.

Oh gosh, so, the end of season four actually makes this kind of fun. There is a lot to resolve! Here are my LAST PREDICTIONS EVER for Angel:

  • I think the first thing Angel will do is seek out a way to wake Cordelia up.
  • We will learn in the first episode what division each main character works in or what their job is.
  • That means we will find out what jaguar spirit thing said to Gunn.
  • Fred will be the only character to express reservation about this arrangement.
  • Connor will appear in only one episode.
  • There will be no crossovers from Buffy because sadness 🙁
  • Wesley will discover something about a past even in the files of Wolfram & Hart that will re-contextualize an episode for the audience.
  • Lorne will have one episode devoted to a story about him.
  • Wesley and Fred will get together.
  • Gunn will be the most satisfied working at Wolfram & Hart, and this will create a rift between him and the team.
  • This season’s Big Bad will be Wolfram & Hart.
  • Yeah, so I’m guessing that this whole Wolfram & Hart thing is a trick. It’s meant to get the Angel Investigations team close so they can be neutralized.
  • Okay, here’s my huge prediction: the Shanshu Prophecy is real and Angel will do something by the end of this season to earn his humanity.
  • Here’s the kicker: HE WILL REFUSE IT. I don’t know why, but that’s something I could see Whedon doing.

And now, off to the last season of Angel and THE START OF DOLLHOUSE!!!

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About Mark Oshiro

Perpetually unprepared since '09.
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1 Response to Mark Predicts ‘Angel’: Season 5

  1. Josh says:

    Oh…oh wow….heh….heh heh….

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