Mark Watches ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’: S04E06 – Wild At Heart

In the sixth episode of the fourth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, WHY DO YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS TO ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Buffy.

You have to be kidding me. Look, “Wild At Heart” was already uncomfortable enough for me before that thing happened, and I had a feeling that there was no real hope left for me to have. But come the fuck on. Can’t one person on this show be happy? CAN’T I HAVE SOME JOY AND CHERISH IT OR MUST EVERYTHING BE DESTROYED?

No. Of course not. This is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What am I saying?

I honestly thought this would last longer than it did. Despite that I thought it would be hilarious to predict that Oz would die in season four, somehow this feels worse than that. One of the only static, dependable things left in this show is the relationship between Oz and Willow. It just works. They’re so remarkably compatible with one another, and there was no real sign that the two were going to crack at all. Sure, I think “Beer Bad” foreshadowed what would happen here, but I figured that Willow and Oz would find a way to push through any challenge given to them.

That’s because I hadn’t factored in Veruca being a werewolf. FUCK. It was so obvious! HOW DID I NOT SEE IT? Oh my god, I AM SO UPSET RIGHT NOW. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE WORDS ABOUT THIS.

Okay, before I address the Sobfest that is Oz and Willow, let me list out other things that must be said:

• Riley is getting more dreamy with each appearance. How is that possible?
• I’m starting to like Professor Walsh more, but I also want to see more of her than we’re currently getting.
• Veruca is an awful lip-syncer.
• Stop picking on Giles. HE IS THE BEST.
• You know, I should have known where this was ultimately heading when both Buffy and Xander gave Willow extremely helpful and kind advice. Hell, that scene in Xander’s basement is one of my favorites of his. I should have known that this was a set-up to disaster.
• I was so proud of Buffy for doing well on her paper. I’M PROUD OF YOU. :: ugly crying ::
• Okay, now you’re just making fun of me, Buffy. Who the hell are the people in military gear? I’M SO CONFUSED. WHY DID THEY KIDNAP SPIKE??? He was just about to make an evil monologue!!!

Okay, so. This episode. I think I figured things out just a tad bit earlier than usual. When the second werewolf appeared in front of Professor Walsh, I connected the two dots and then regretted not taking a pee break before starting this episode. LOOK, I WAS EXCITED TO SEE MORE. STOP JUDGING ME. So it wasn’t one of those OH FUCK reveals when Oz woke up and Veruca was behind him. Well, what I mean is that I didn’t freak out until I stopped to think about WHAT THE FUCK HAD JUST HAPPENED. Oh god, WHY. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. I get that this is an exploration of the animal side of Oz. I get that he can’t really control himself when he is in wolf form. I get that this needed to happen in order to give us the justification of the final scene. I understand it, and I still choose to hate it with every single fiber of my being. I hate it because it’s the random chance of Veruca and Oz being in the same city that undoes his relationship with Willow. It’s not a calculated move. It’s not a restless sense of dissatisfaction with his girlfriend. It’s not because he’s an untrustworthy, immature slob. IT’S RANDOM FUCKING CHANCE. Veruca just had to pass by him on campus. If that had never happened, none of this could have occurred.

why does that upset me so much THIS WHOLE THING UPSETS ME.

I wondered if the writers would extend this story beyond this single episode, but every scene seemed to scream at me that we would have to deal with the ramifications of this now. This didn’t seem like an indiscretion that Oz could just hide from Willow, especially since it was clear he was awful at doing so. And the worst part – which Willow later repeats – is the fact that Willow knew. You know, in hindsight, I knew that my first boyfriend was cheating on me. I saw the signs, I had my suspicions, and I chose to ignore them because it was easier for me to do so than to face them. Plus, what if I was wrong? How do you deal with that?

I suppose there is a part of me that understands why Oz invited Veruca to spend the second night as a werewolf with him in his cage. But just because I understand it doesn’t mean I can’t hate it until the end of time. I hate it because it is the opposite of what I want from this relationship. I hate it because Oz knows how it feels to be cheated on. I hate it because Veruca doesn’t care about messing up Willow’s life. I hate it because THEY WERE THE BEST COUPLE. THE BEST. Ugh, I think only Jenny Calendar’s death has upset me this much.

I need to take a moment before I get back to trying to hold my tears in and just say this: Alyson Hannigan, you are a brilliant actress. You made me believe you, and you took me back to the first time I was ever cheated on. I don’t know what the hell you channeled or thought about while filming that scene, but it felt painfully real. I BOW BEFORE YOU IN AWE.

Okay, seriously, the last ten minutes of this episode is just awful to watch. I don’t know that I could ever sit down and see it again. Watching Willow walk in on Oz and Veruca is bad enough. It’s uncomfortable to see Willow seriously consider using magic against the two of them, too, though I admit it’s quite realistic for her character. Why wouldn’t she feel the need to get revenge against them? I don’t condone what she attempted to do, but I get it. I know what it feels like to be betrayed like that, and I know how badly I wish I could have found a way to hurt the people who hurt me and did so knowingly. The thing is, this particular episode of Buffy was already one of the most fucked up stories in the whole series, so I didn’t expect that it would get worse. This was a mistake. I make a lot of mistakes, don’t I?

When Oz tore Veruca’s throat out, I realized just how far this story had gone. This was not a romantic gesture of revenge, or an attempt to show Willow that he cares. This was a moment fueled by this terrifying rage within Oz that we’d only seen once, when he yelled at Veruca to leave him and Willow alone. Willow was witnessing just what Oz could do as a werewolf, and it’s not a comforting thing to see. Plus, OZ RIPPED OUT VERUCA’S THROAT WHAT THE FUCK.

But there’s really no more upsetting of a moment than when Oz leaves Sunnydale. I almost want to refuse to accept it. I kind of want to believe that it was an elaborate joke and that he’ll just show up in the next episode and say, “Okay, I worked it all out!” But that’s not going to happen. Oz left, and he’s not going to come back. The last relationship I was in had a similar end, where my partner packed up and just left very suddenly, just like this, so I couldn’t help but see myself in Willow. I, too, just stood there and cried after they left, and I didn’t stop for a very long time.

I don’t envy Willow at all, and I say that from experience. I am not the slightest bit ready to see how she deals with this in the next few episodes because being heartbroken fucking sucks so much. Oh god, Buffy, what have you done to be? IS THIS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Ugh, fuck you, Joss Whedon. I feel like that’s obligatory at this point. I blame Joss Whedon for everything.