Mark Predicts ‘Buffy’ Season 7 / ‘Angel’ Season 4

Hello, watchers! (Not that kind of Watcher! Though you might be… DUN DUN DUN.) It’s time for me to publicly make a terrible fool of myself by channeling Sybil Trelawney and giving terrible predictions amidst a few frighteningly accurate ones. SHALL WE?

I normally keep these separate for both shows, but I have two Legend of Korra reviews going up today, so I don’t want to have to deal with four posts being spread out. Please tag/label your rot13 so that people know which show you are talking about. This is due to the fact that there are people who haven’t seen all of both shows. Thank you!

So let’s go over my predictions from last time.

Buffy Season 6

• Okay, let’s just go with the necessary first: the show will have to find a way to bring Buffy back from the dead. WELL. 1/1
• I also think Buffy herself won’t appear in the premiere episode? Maybe? Damn it, I was close! 1/2
• God, what if this is just an entire season without Buffy? Okay, it won’t be, but it’s just a thought. THIS ISN’T A PREDICTION. I’m still counting this against myself just to make a point that I am not very good at this. 1/3
• I say that Willow will be the main person responsible for getting Buffy back. HAHAHAH THE HORRIBLE PAIN I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW. 2/4
• On that note, Willow will be in charge in Buffy’s absence. Technically, yes? I would say so. 3/5
• There will be an episode devoted to Xander and Anya’s glorious wedding! Does this count since their wedding wasn’t glorious at all, but horrific? Whatever. 4/6
• Giles will take a more direct role in the Summers family over the course of season six. NO, WHY DID I PUT THIS HERE NO NO NO NO -100/7
• I don’t know that I like it, but Spike and Buffy will at least go on a date once. JESUS A DATE? WHAT WAS I THINKING. NO. -2,000/8
• Dawn will start learning magic from Willow. (I mean… what else can she do now that she survived? God, I hope no one else tries to use her as the Key again.) lol this one is so painful that it makes me laugh. -5,000/9
• Buffy will not go back to college. One point. -4,999/10
• I’m seriously drawing a blank here. This will continue for the entirety of season six. 0/11
• That’s mostly because HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS SHOW GO ON. BUFFY DIED. WHAT THE FUCK. Oh, it will keep going on! IT WILL. 
• Okay, one episode about time travel. That’ll happen, right? Goddamn it, no! WHEN WILL THIS HAPPEN? -10,000/12
• Also, I want Cordelia to crossover and appear on Buffy again. Cordeeellliiiaaaa. -20,000/13. Removed that many points because anything I get wrong about Cordelia is offensive to me. 
• God, this is horrible. Technically, I’m right??? So much horrible! -19,000/14
• Here’s my big prediction: we will see the new Slayer who was called upon Buffy’s death before the halfway point of season six. Lol what was I even thinking???? -1 million/15.

Okay, let’s move on to Angel.

• Darla will come back! HAHAHAHA I AM LAUGHING TO STOP FROM CRYING. 1/1
• Fred will join Angel Investigations full time! YAY! Something nice! 2/2
• Gunn will sing one song at Caritas. LOL I THOUGHT CARITAS WOULD STILL BE AROUND. 2/3
• Daniel Dae Kim will show up more than once in season three. MORE GAVIN PLEASE! 3/4
• Angel will ultimately get to keep the hotel office. Where did this plot go??? 4/5
• Cordelia will either lose or be forced to give up her visions by the end of season three. I am going to deduct more points than ever before because this is too painful to think about. -1 trillion/6
• We will see Wesley’s father onscreen. why am i even trying. -2 trillion/7
• Fred will attempt to find people she used to know when she lived in Los Angeles. Technically, no? They found her. -2 trillion and one/8
• The season premiere will explicitly address the death of Buffy Summers. Finally. -1 trillion/9
• Willow and Spike will be the only Buffy characters to have crossover appearances. (I AM STILL PUSHING FOR SPIKE TO SHOW UP ON ANGEL GOD WHY HASN’T IT HAPPENED YET.) Ugh, no. -2 trillion and ten/10
• The Wolfram & Hart storyline will end by the season three finale. Bonus points if their office blows up or if the earth opens and eats it. this is just sad now. -3 trillion/11
• Lilah Morgan will die. i should just give up. -4 trillion./12
• Lorne will fall in love. He’ll fall in love with leaving the show. help me. -5 trillion/13
• Wesley will still be in charge of Angel Investigations. NO WHAT THE FUCK!!!! WHAT THE FUCK. WHY. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF. -10 trillion/14
• And my big, ridiculous prediction: Angel will start pursuing Cordelia as a romantic thing. I base this solely on those weird moments in the last five or six episodes of season two where he was all weird around her and he like looked at her and stuff. This is a tenuous prediction at best. Oh well. This is unfair. I want my money back. These are the worst predictions ever. -infinity/15.

Wow, my Angel predictions were horrific. Like, painfully, awkwardly bad. UGH.

So, after much contemplation, I’d like to share more terrible thoughts with all of you.

Mark Predicts Buffy Season 7

• Willow will either have spent the summer in some type of rehab for witches, or we’ll see her in rehab in the season premiere.
• Buffy will begin taking Dawn out on patrols.
• Spike will return to Sunnydale.
• Spike will have a relationship with Anya for a while.
• Willow will fall for someone this season.
• Giles will get a job somewhere that’s not the Magic Box.
• The Magic Box will be permanently closed.
• We will see Jonathan and Andrew once, just to find out what happened to them.
• Xander will still foster feelings towards Anya for the remainder of the show.
• None of the Scoobies will die by the end of the show. Yes, this is an absurd prediction because EVERYONE DIES on this show, but I think just once, there won’t be a major death.
• I seriously don’t know who the Big Bad could be! They’ve already had one of the Scoobies as the main villain, so I say this final season’s Big Bad is a new villain we’ve never met.
• The problem with these predictions is that I feel like season six wrapped up so much that it left me with no real storylines that I think might crossover into season seven, so… I’m unprepared?
• I will sob like a newborn during the series finale.

Mark Predicts Angel Season Four

• Angel will be rescued from the bottom of the ocean by the end of the first episode.
• Wesley will not chose Angel Investigations or Wolfram & Hart this season, and will act entirely on his own.
• We’ll see Lorne once.
• I seriously don’t know if Cordelia is in season four, so I say we won’t see her until halfway through the season.
• Because no one can be happy on this show, at some point, Gunn and Fred will break up, and they won’t get back together.
• Angel will forgive Connor for what he did to him.
• Angel will forgive Wesley by the season’s end.
• Justine will die.
• Connor will join Angel Investigations.
• Wesley will have sex with Lilah.
• Linwood will die.
• Gavin will die.
• Lilah will reign supreme because she is my amoral queen.
• Stuff?
• Isn’t there still a prophecy regarding the end of the world in effect? So, something will happen with that?
• I don’t know what I’m doing.

Well, HAVE FUN WITH THIS.

Also, I’m very excited to say that starting Monday, the audio for all Mark Watches videos will be back! Vimeo is a good place for these videos, AND it allows y’all to download the files so you can GIF to your heart’s content. 🙂