In the twentieth episode of the fourth season of The Next Generation, an old flame returns to Picard’s life, and an old nemesis arrives to play Cupid. Intrigued? Then it’s time for Mark to watch Star Trek.
Oh lord, this was such an experience, and I admit it: I was fooled by the direction of “Qpid.” I thought I knew where this episode was going, and the beauty of all this is that YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY GUESS THE END RESULT. Like, let’s just start with the absurdity of Q, which is a constant that I rely on like oxygen. Following up on his last appearance, Q arrives at the literal worst time imaginable in Picard’s life to make an announcement: he is tired of owing a debt to Picard after Picard saved his life. Never mind that Picard doesn’t even believe in that kind of moral code and Q appears to have made this up just to have a reason to infiltrate Picard’s life again.
Well, let’s be honest with ourselves: Q will do anything to be in Picard’s life. Gods, how much fanfiction was written about Q being deeply in love with Picard? IT’S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS AT THIS POINT. He literally offers to change his gender presentation to get Picard’s attention. THIS IS ACTUAL CANON, I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE THIS SHIT UP. So, continuing in Q’s logic, the best possible way to pay Picard back is to observe him, stalk him a little bit, and then offer to play Cupid for him. Because what Picard wants most is Q to interfere with his love life!!1!1!! Things were already bad enough with Vash around.
Which we need to address right now, by the way. I kind of felt like this episode was a subtle way for the writers to admit that maybe it’s a little weird that these characters don’t ever talk about the things they’ve gone through. Vash, however, is understandably frustrated with the fact that a meaningful experience for her seems to have been superficial and forgettable for Picard. I think that it’s fair for her to feel this way, but I also think that we have a different understanding of Picard’s personality than she does. I feel weird comparing myself to Picard here, but I have had to deal with privacy issues in the last five years. It’s been by design that I’ve been very secretive about my relationships and partners since I started doing this, and I think it’s something everyone just recognizes that I’m super private about. It’s not that I don’t want people to think of me as a sexual or romantic person; but there are aspects of myself that I feel like I need to control, you know? In Picard’s case, he just wants his crew to think of him in a professional context.
Still, none of this makes the disaster that Q unleashes upon them any easier to deal with. In Q’s mind, the best way for Picard to face his feelings for Vash is through… well, an absurd test. Q sticks everyone into a fake version of Robin Hood, casts Picard as Robin Hood and Vash as Maid Marian, threatens Vash with death, and then sits back, hoping that Picard will inevitably choose to save Vash and accept his love for her. I honestly thought that’s where this would go, and it is my own damn fault that I, like Q, severely underestimated Vash on multiple fronts. I did not realize just how hurt she was by Picard’s behavior, and I did not consider how openly self-centered she was. She’s very much the rogue explorer trope, isn’t she? She cares about wealth, her own gain, and the next adventure. So I should not have been surprised when she crossed Picard, selling him out to Sir Guy, AND YET I WAS.
It just gets better and better. She does not care to end up with Picard, she strikes a deal with Sir Guy, then double crosses him and tries to communicate with Riker. Q is justifiably fascinated with her because she ends up being the variable that undoes his plans to repay Picard. (I can still barely believe he considered this all a payment for a debt. Oh my god.) Yes, Picard and his Merry Men (I CAN’T, THEY ALL LOOKED SO GOOD) do “rescue” Maid Marian at the end, but that’s just incidental more than anything else. This had become Vash’s show, so she goes out in style. Y’all, Q gets a travel companion, Vash gets to explore the galaxy with an all-powerful being who can take her anywhere, and Picard gets… well, Picard gets Q to go away. A FAIR DEAL, EVERYONE WINS.
No, Vash wins. Vash won this episode SO HARD, y’all.
The video for “Qpid” can be downloaded here for $0.99.
Mark Links Stuff
– I am now on Patreon!!! MANY SURPRISES ARE IN STORE FOR YOU IF YOU SUPPORT ME.
– The Mark Does Stuff Tour 2015 is now live and includes dates across the U.S. this summer and fall Check the full list of events on my Tour Dates / Appearances page.
– My Master Schedule is updated for the near and distant future for most projects, so please check it often. My next Double Features for Mark Watches will be the remainder of The Legend of Korra, series 8 of Doctor Who, and Kings. On Mark Reads, Diane Duane’s Young Wizards series will replace the Emelan books.
- Mark Does Stuff is on Facebook! I’ve got a community page up that I’m running. Guaranteed shenanigans!
