In the thirteenth episode of the fourth season of\u00c2\u00a0Deep Space Nine<\/i>, my heart aches. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to watch\u00c2\u00a0Star Trek<\/i>.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
Heartbreak is a hell of a thing.<\/p>\n
I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know if I could figure out when my heart was broken for the first time. Maybe some of you might understand this or relate to it, but I am a sensitive motherfucker.\u00c2\u00a0Incredibly<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0sensitive. So it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have specific memories of heartbreak; I have so many of them that I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t possibly zero in on the first one. I knew I was gay very young, and being in the closet for over a decade meant that I experienced what Odo does here in \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Crossfire\u00e2\u20ac\u009d approximately a million times. (I totally counted.)<\/p>\n
I suppose that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the beauty in this episode. While Odo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s story is specific to his experience as a Changeling\u00c2\u00a0and<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0his past friendship with Kira, you can extrapolate a lot from it. You can project your own heartbreak over it and find something to relate to. In my case, I kept thinking of all the straight men who asked me for relationship advice, unaware of the crushing affection I had for them. It is so painful to feel so much infatuation for someone and to know that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way it will be returned to you. Unreciprocated love is the\u00c2\u00a0worst<\/i>, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it?<\/p>\n
So it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty amazing that\u00c2\u00a0<\/i>Ren\u00c3\u00a9 Echevarria finds a way to create a story rich in political strife and complication and make it\u00c2\u00a0entirely<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0about the very personal conflict that is Odo. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t expect it, and I think it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one of the best character studies we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve gotten on the show. Odo is a fiercely private person, so the idea of talking to anyone about how he feels is revolting to him. (Except, of course, when it comes to being orderly and private. Then, he bonds\u00c2\u00a0beautifully<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0with Worf over it, and IT\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S SUCH A GREAT SCENE.) (Oh my god, what if Deanna Troi was on DS9? SHE COULD TOTALLY HAVE HELPED HIM.) So Odo suffers quietly. He derives joy from the small moments when Kira smiles at him, when she appreciates the coffee he makes her, when she shows up to their weekly security meetings with a smile on her face.<\/p>\n
And I get his anxiety. I GET IT SO MUCH. It is MY ENTIRE LIFE. His awkward distance is perhaps the most relatable thing here for me. And I imagine that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the case for many of you, too! It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard for me to understand how people do interpersonal relationships without anxiety and fear because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all I know. So I recognized many of the small things that Odo did throughout \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Crossfire,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d like trying to put yourself close enough to another person so that you can \u00e2\u20ac\u0153coincidentally\u00e2\u20ac\u009d be there when they leave a room or walk by. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s such a creepy thing to do in hindsight, but my junior high and high school self EXCELLED AT BEING SILENTLY UNCOMFORTABLE. I kept myself at a distance because I was afraid of the ramifications of being honest with the people I had crushes on.<\/p>\n
This kind of emotional atmosphere is distracting, too, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s one of the worst things about having an unrequited crush. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s such a\u00c2\u00a0consuming<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0thing. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hardly pleasant!!! Y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122all, I want you to know that while I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve done wonders in the last decade to protect myself, to not develop unhealthy admirations or relationships with people, I\u00c2\u00a0still<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0become an unholy mess if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m romantically attracted to someone. TRUE STORY, EVEN WHEN IT CAME TO MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND. And this episode represents this kind of fear so well that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s almost eerie.<\/p>\n
Therefore, I felt devastated once it was confirmed that Kira and Shakaar were exploring a relationship. Y\u00e2\u20ac\u2122all, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the worst. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the worst because at least the distant hope that something might be possible between you and your object of desire can keep you going. Once you deal with things like someone courting another person or sexuality, though, that hope can be torn away, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so upsetting. I respect, however, that Echevarria\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s script doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t blame Kira for this. This story could have so easily turned into a terrible friendzoning metaphor, and it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. Kira is still a sweetheart, she still appreciates Odo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s friendship, and her being oblivious to Odo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s feelings doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make her an awful person. She just doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to be interested in Odo or attracted to him.<\/p>\n
Does it still hurt? Of course. IT HURTS A GREAT DEAL. But Odo has to find a way to compartmentalize that attraction and get on with his job. He can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make another mistake like he did in the lift, and if that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the case, then moving on is the only option. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s heartbreaking, too, but choosing to distance himself from Kira will allow him to stop indulging that sense of hope he felt.<\/p>\n
Goddamn, this episode was so good.<\/p>\n
The video for \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Crossfire\u00e2\u20ac\u009d can be downloaded\u00c2\u00a0here for $0.99<\/a>.<\/p>\n Mark Links Stuff<\/b><\/p>\n – I am now on Patreon<\/a>! There are various levels of support, from $1 up to whatever you want! You’ll get to read a private blog, extra reviews, and other such rewards.<\/b> In the thirteenth episode of the fourth season of\u00c2\u00a0Deep Space Nine, my heart aches. Intrigued? Then it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for Mark to watch\u00c2\u00a0Star Trek.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[640,614],"tags":[615],"class_list":["post-5677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-deep-space-nine","category-star-trek","tag-mark-watches-star-trek"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5677","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5677"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5677\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5677"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5677"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5677"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n– I\u00c2\u00a0will be at numerous conventions in 2016! Check the full list of events on my Tour Dates \/ Appearances page.<\/a>
\n– My Master Schedule<\/a> is updated for the near and distant future for most projects, so please check it often.\u00c2\u00a0My next Double Features for Mark Watches have been announced here.<\/a>
\n<\/b>-\u00c2\u00a0Mark Does Stuff is on Facebook!<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0I’ve got a community page up that I’m running. Guaranteed shenanigans!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"