In the ninth episode of the seventh season of\u00c2\u00a0The Next Generation<\/i>, there’s a cat and a purple black hole thingy and then the universe is dying? I don’t even know. If you’re intrigued, then it’s time for Mark to watch\u00c2\u00a0Star Trek<\/i>.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n
FORCE OF NATURE<\/b>
\nACT I, SCENE I<\/b><\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY<\/b><\/p>\n
[A group of men sit around a conference table that is littered with papers, pencils, and a tray full of pastries and fruit.<\/b><\/p>\n
Some of them are speaking with one another softly; others are browsing the daily paper; a tall, white man walks into the room, WRITER #1, and sits at the head of the table.]<\/b><\/p>\n
WRITER #1
\nGood morning, fellas. You catch the game last night?<\/b><\/p>\n
WRITER #2
\nI spent too much time taking care of the kid. You know how it is with newborns.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
WRITER #3
\n<\/b>(Holds up a copy of the\u00c2\u00a0L.A. Times<\/i>)
\nYou see the review we got for\u00c2\u00a0the premiere? Not bad, guys. Not bad at all.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
WRITER #1
\nWell, let’s keep up the momentum, then. What ideas do we have for this week? It’s going to be hard to follow up “Attached,” but I think we got a few concepts that could work.<\/b><\/p>\n
[WRITER #1 turns back to a large whiteboard behind him, which contains lists of ideas for future episodes. We can see “DS9 CROSSOVER circled, as well as “DATA NIGHTMARES” and “LOVEY-DOVEY EPISODE.” There are others, some in faded ink that appear to have been there for some time. “TIME TRAVELING DINOS” is one. “LIKE THE GODFATHER<\/em>, BUT IN SPACE” is another. WRITER #1 picks up a dry erase marker and hovers over one option, “‘BREAKIN’<\/em>, BUT IN SPACE.”]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #1 [WRITER #2 strokes his beard.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #2 WRITER #4 [There is silence in the writer’s room.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #4 [More silence. WRITER #4 tosses a pencil in the air.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #3 WRITER #2 WRITER #1 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #1 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #2 [WRITER #4 squints at WRITER #2, taking off his glasses as he does so.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #4 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #1 WRITER #3 [There is a long awkward silence in the room. The other writers wait patiently for WRITER #3 to follow up his thought. When he doesn’t, WRITER #4 clears his throat.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #1 WRITER #3 [Another silence, but much shorter than the last one.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #1 [WRITER #1\u00c2\u00a0stands and leaves the room swiftly. Both WRITER #2 and WRITER #3 begin to furiously write on their notepads, and soon, the two of them have completely forgotten about WRITER #4.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #4 WRITER #2 [WRITER #4 stares at him in disbelief.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #2 [WRITER #2 goes back to writing just as WRITER #3 looks up from his notepad.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 ACT I, SCENE II<\/b><\/p>\n [INT. OFFICE ROOM – DAY]<\/b><\/p>\n [The next day, the same four writers gather in their conference room, all chatting with one another, except for WRITER #4, who quietly writes away in his notepad.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #1 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #3 [WRITER #4 puts his head in his hands. WRITER #1 turns to his other writer, who has not spoken this morning.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #1 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #2 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #1 WRITER #2 WRITER #1 [There is an audible GASP from everyone but WRITER #4.]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #4 WRITER #3 WRITER #4 WRITER #1 WRITER #4 WRITER #2 WRITER #4 WRITER #1 [WRITER #1, WRITER #2, and WRITER #3 all leave the room, talking excitedly with one another, leaving WRITER #4 to stare at the whiteboard. He stands up and walks over to it. He picks up a marker and, at the bottom of the list, writes, “MUPPETS<\/em>, BUT IN SPACE.”]<\/b><\/p>\n WRITER #4 [FADE TO BLACK]<\/b><\/p>\n The video for “Force of Nature” can be downloaded\u00c2\u00a0here for $0.99<\/a>.<\/p>\n Mark Links Stuff<\/b><\/p>\n – I am now on Patreon<\/a><\/b>!!! MANY SURPRISES ARE IN STORE FOR YOU IF YOU SUPPORT ME<\/a>. In the ninth episode of the seventh season of\u00c2\u00a0The Next Generation, there’s a cat and a purple black hole thingy and then the universe is dying? I don’t even know. If you’re intrigued, then it’s time for Mark to watch\u00c2\u00a0Star … Continue reading
\nIs it time? I’ve got some real good ideas for this one. I think we’ve gone too long without Data droppin’ some hot bars and breakdancing.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI dunno. It just doesn’t seem\u00c2\u00a0vital<\/i>, you know?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nHave we thought about bringing back Q?\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nOr maybe we could explore the effects of The Borg’s continued fracture from the beginning of the season.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI just feel like we should do something we’ve never done before.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat about Spot?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat about her?
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\n<\/b>What if we do an entire episode surrounding her? Maybe show what it might be like if Data gets more serious about raising her.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nHow could that last an entire episode?
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWe’ve made worse things last the whole show. What’s the catch here?<\/b><\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Well, I’m thinking that Data should try to train Spot.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nYou’re kidding me. Train her to do what?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nYou know, train her like a dog.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nHave you ever owned a cat?
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nNo, but it can’t be that much different than a dog.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI don’t think \u00e2\u20ac\u201c<\/b><\/p>\n
\nSounds perfect! You get to work on that. What else we got?
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat if the Federation has been fucking up everything since they started?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nOkay, I’ll bite. What do you mean by that?\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat if traveling the universe is actually ruining it?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nLike pollution?<\/b><\/p>\n
\n(While clapping excitedly)
\nYes, exactly!<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI love it. Write it up.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nSo\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6what about my ideas?\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\n(looking up at WRITER #4)
\nDo cats play fetch?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nRight, right, just gotta go with the gut.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nIs a black hole scarier if it’s purple?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nPlease tell me you’re kidding.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI think people will be so mesmerized by how pretty it is that they’ll underestimate it.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nYou’re not listening to me, are you?
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI’m totally going with it, man. Thanks!<\/b><\/p>\n
\nSo what’s the status of your scripts right now? How much more time do you need?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWell, I was hoping to get some input on this Cardassian crossover episode where Sisko must command the\u00c2\u00a0Enterprise\u00c2\u00a0<\/i>while\u00e2\u20ac\u201c<\/b><\/p>\n
\nThe Federation are unknowingly destroying the universe with their warp drives, and they nearly kill a planet because of it.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWell, wait, how do they solve the problem?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nThey don’t.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWait\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6what?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nThe damage is irreversible and only gets worse over time.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nCan they stop the damage?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nNot unless they never use warp engines again.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWell\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6Jesus, that’s brutal. Kind of interesting, though. It’s a kind of real-world commentary on environmental iss\u00e2\u20ac\u201c<\/b><\/p>\n
\nOh, and all other species must stop using warp.<\/b><\/p>\n
\n<\/b>Oh \u00e2\u20ac\u201c oh, okay, so you’re committing to it then?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat do you mean?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWell, I’ve been pushing for us to do more serialized scripts. Have you seen what the\u00c2\u00a0Deep Space Nine<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0team is doing lately? I think it would be cool to make this fundamental change to the existing universe. It would certainly strengthen the metaphor, don’t you think?\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nOh, nah, we’ll probably never bring it up again.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat have you got for me?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI’ve got most of Data’s plot down, actually. I think it would be neat if Geordi took Spot for a while to test out whether or not owning a cat is for him.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nThat’s \u00e2\u20ac\u201c that’s actually a great idea.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI know! That’s how Data decides to train his cat.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWell, you can’t really train cats to do much. Maybe some behavioral stuff, but not like dogs beca\u00e2\u20ac\u201c<\/b><\/p>\n
\nOh, I know, since Data doesn’t ever train Spot.<\/b><\/p>\n
\nOh. So\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6he just gives up?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI don’t know, I just can’t think of much more to do with this story. It takes up about ten minutes of screen time.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nYeah, mine’s only about half hour right now.<\/b><\/p>\n
\n(His face becomes panicked as he realizes what is about to happen.)
\nOh no, not again, you guys. This isn’t how writing should work\u00e2\u20ac\u201c<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat if we just combined both of your scripts?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWell, how would we resolve my part of the story?<\/b><\/p>\n
\n(Dramatically removing his glasses.)
\nWe don’t<\/i>.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nBut that doesn’t make any sense.\u00c2\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
\nMy black hole is\u00c2\u00a0purple<\/i>.<\/b><\/p>\n
\n(Clearly exasperated)
\nBut you can’t just jam these together! These two stories have nothing to do with one another, and one of them is just flat-out not resolved!
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat should we call it?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhy does no one listen to me?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nWhat if we call it “Force of Nature” because the\u00c2\u00a0cat<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0is a force of nature and the\u00c2\u00a0purple hole<\/i>\u00c2\u00a0is a force of nature?<\/b><\/p>\n
\nThat idea is barely coherent.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n
\nI’m sold. Let’s break for lunch.<\/b><\/p>\n
\n(quietly, as if only to himself and to God)
\nI will get you made.<\/b><\/p>\n
\n– I\u00c2\u00a0will be at numerous conventions in 2016! Check the full list of events on my Tour Dates \/ Appearances page.<\/a>
\n– My Master Schedule<\/a> is updated for the near and distant future for most projects, so please check it often.\u00c2\u00a0My next Double Features for Mark Watches will be Death Note<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0and\u00c2\u00a0Neon Genesis Evangelion<\/em>. On Mark Reads, Diane Duane’s Young Wizards<\/i> series will replace the Emelan books.
\n<\/b>-\u00c2\u00a0Mark Does Stuff is on Facebook!<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0I’ve got a community page up that I’m running. Guaranteed shenanigans!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"