{"id":2142,"date":"2013-04-03T10:00:50","date_gmt":"2013-04-03T17:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/?p=2142"},"modified":"2013-04-03T08:29:56","modified_gmt":"2013-04-03T15:29:56","slug":"mark-watches-i-claudius-episode-5-poison-is-queen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/2013\/04\/mark-watches-i-claudius-episode-5-poison-is-queen\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Watches ‘I, Claudius’: Episode 5 – Poison is Queen"},"content":{"rendered":"

OH MY GOD, I TAKE IT BACK, THIS SHOW ISN’T SLOW, OH MY GOD,\u00c2\u00a0HELP<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Today’s video file, for “Poison is Queen,” is available for download here<\/a>. The rest of my Mark Watches videos are indexed in my Dropbox folder<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n
Granted, this show is covering perhaps the most depraved period in Roman history, so I should\u00c2\u00a0expect<\/em> what I’m seeing here, AND YET I’M STILL NOT AT ALL READY FOR IT OH MY GOD. If the previous episode counted as a “slow” one, then this is the point where the show basically enters another stratosphere or something. Now all I’m thinking about is Garfield throwing a British soldier into the atmosphere. Don’t tell ShakespeareHemmingway about this, as he might write Garfield\/I, Claudius<\/em> crossover fic.<\/span><\/li>\n
Anyway, this episode really shows us how Germanicus is Claudius’s only friend. He’s the only person we see in the entirety of the show who treats Claudius with respect, knows how to joke with him, and doesn’t dismiss him because he’s disabled. I REALLY LIKE HIM. Of course, as soon as Claudius is all, “Hey, so, you have to be the one to talk to Augustus,” I knew this couldn’t end well. NOPE.<\/li>\n
IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THAN I EXPECTED. As Livia’s deeds began to be unraveled, she reacted by TRICKING A VESTEL VIRGIN INTO LETTING HER PEEK AT AUGUSTUS’S WILL. SWEET MOTHER OF BABIES. I am both entirely enthralled with Livia and completely disgusted with her.<\/li>\n
Shout out to John Castle, whose performance as Postumous in “Poison is Queen” is a work of ART. Incredible!<\/li>\n
Truthfully, I’m going to miss Brian Blessed. I knew he couldn’t last long, but he’s such an incredible force that I’ll have to adjust to his absence. Come on, y’all, that death sequence is UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING. How did he stay so still for so long?!?!\u00c2\u00a0Acting<\/em>, man. That shit is ridiculous.<\/li>\n
It’s going to help that PATRICK STEWART (WITH HAIR!!!<\/em>) basically took his place. Oh god, Sejanus is so fucked up. I am both wholly prepared and tragically unprepared for what this show is going to do to me.<\/li>\n
Si\u00c3\u00a2n Phillips is just… holy shit. Her entire monologue during Augustus’s death is a work of beauty. I loved that the show forced the viewer to watch the man die while we listened to her monologue. It’s a clever and unsettling choice.<\/li>\n
“Don’t eat the figs.” OH MY GOD, SHE HAD TO HAVE POISONED THEM\u00c2\u00a0WHILE THEY WERE STILL ON THE TREE<\/em>. h e l p<\/li>\n
Tiberius is emperor, Sejanus is his right hand man, and Livia has 1\/3rd of the power. This is going to be\u00c2\u00a0so fucked up<\/em>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
OH MY GOD, I TAKE IT BACK, THIS SHOW ISN’T SLOW, OH MY GOD,\u00c2\u00a0HELP.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[200],"tags":[433,475],"class_list":["post-2142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mark-does-stuff-2","tag-commissions","tag-i-claudius"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2142"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/markwatches.net\/reviews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}